The One Where I Have No Shame

Remember when I told you about getting my wisdom teeth out?

Well despite me threatening his life if he did so, he recorded my aftermath.

And its epic.
And mortifying.
And HYSTERICAL!
Watch it.
No seriously.
Every second is like a bad car crash you can't look away from.

Feel free to share with all your friends.
Tweet, embed, whatever.
Spread the smiles and giggles.

How To Be The Perfect Wife

Him: Do you want to sort laundry before I go to the Post Office?
Me: Did you seriously just ask me if I wanted to sort laundry?

SILENCE

Him: Do you want to know why I just asked that?
Me: Hmm...
Him: Do you know how I know it needs to get done?

SILENCE

Him: Do you know what I wore to work yesterday?

SILENCE

Me: What?
Him: I had to wear an ABU top with A1C stripes on it. (He hasn't been an A1C for 6 months)
Me: Epic fail.
Him: Not on my part! Go sort laundry.
Me: Yes sir. In five minutes.

Sometimes I'm terrible at the whole domestic thing. I guess I just need to keep reminding myself of this.

Bahahaha!
Yeah right.

Run, Forrest! Run!

Sometimes our awesomeness out does itself. 

My niece Jalen Rose makes my heart smile.

Its okay, go ahead and be jealous.

Cali Swag District and LMFAO... Disney Style

This just made my day.
Quite possibly my week.

Because There Is No Such Thing As Too Much Harry Potter: Even Moldy Voldy Is Funny

I'm Nearly Catatonic So I Can't Think Of A Tittle. I Mean Title.

If you know me, at all, you know I adore Kristen Bell. I mean WAY beyond girl crush level. This love grew exponentially when I was living with my sister in AZ during Mr. Superman's deployment. See, I met this amazing person name Nikki and she changed my life. Partly because she's almost too awesome to handle but mostly because she got me HOOKED on Veronica Mars. I don't know how I loved Kristen Bell so much without having ever watched an episode of Veronica Mars.

Another thing I am obsessed with is sloths. Oh my word I hear the word sloth and I freak out.

Well Lovelies, let me share this too good for description clip I just saw. I am just dying laughing all while having tears streaming down my face.

Thank you Nikki. Thank you Ellen. Thank you JessJess for posting this. Thank you Kristen Bell. Mostly, thank you sloth.

PS: GO ENTER MY CURRENT GIVEAWAYS! HERE AND HERE

Some People Be Crazy

There's a thin line between enthusiasm in an interest and obsession.
There's a thin line between appreciation for unique things and a tendency towards the uh.... impractical? That's putting it lightly.

Some people have compulsions that are strange and some people, well, some people be crazy.

If anyone can sympathize and understand the desire and need for a baby, its me. This lady though, is beyond the normal desire and in dire need of psychiatric help. If you are on government assistance as your sole source of income and livelihood, you should NOT be spending every cent of it on a fake baby, let alone thinking of getting it a sibling. Nuts. And her poor daughter!!

Like I said, some people be crazy.

You know what's not crazy? My current giveaway. It closes tomorrow at midnight and it is open to all Lovelies with ties to the military (self, spouse, child, good friend) because its 25$ up for grabs at MilitarySurplus.com. Go Enter!!

Those Lovelies who enter, whether they win or not, get a little something extra just for entering! Spread the word yo!

Fact: Dwight Knows Best.

One last thing Lovelies. Fact: Bears eat beets. Bears, beets, Battlestar Galactica.

Words Of Wisdom From Mr. Superman: This Is How I'd've Done It Edition

So, if you haven't heard, you know about Osama Bin Laden, well then you might be living in a compound with no internet or phone like he was. He's dead and conspiracy theorists have taken that as their official invitation to start crawling out of the wood work. So, he's dead and his body was given a 'burial at sea'. Yes, he was dropped out in the ocean. Last night, Mr. Superman manifested his genius thoughts on the matter once again reiterating how much I love him.

Him: So when we heard the news at work, one of my first thoughts was, "They're probably going to drop him at sea. I mean, why not? Its as good a place as any and now there won't be a monument or shrine." Then my second thought was, "No! Put his body somewhere in the desert, give the GPS coordinates to the public, and then wait. Wait and see which extremists and terrorists show up to claim his body and then with some very strategically placed sniper teams in place, pick them off one by one. You know, up the ante."

Me: You're a freaking genius.

Words Of Wisdom From Mr. Superman: Terrible System Edition

Happy day after Easter. How were your Easter eggs? Mine are unfertilized. Obviously. 


WARNING: Men should stop reading now.

Yes Lovelies, he went THERE.

Keep in mind that Mr. Superman is a man so he doesn't get the whole "I just started my period, back off" thing all the time.

I come out of the bathroom with no pants on and Mr. Superman gets his hopes up.

"I just started. I need comfy pants and chocolate."
"What?! You just finished like a week agooooo."
"No it was like 2 1/2 weeks ago and periods go off of 28 days from start not 28 days from finishing."
"That is a TERRIBLE system."
"Well take it up with God. Better yet, when you're a God and make your own world, don't even have periods. Men and women alike will praise you for that alone."
"Stupid period. I thought when you came out with no pants on...."
"Not happening."

Pillow Talk: Charles Barkely Meets I'm Not A Camel Edition

Yes Lovelies, I'm still here.

I know my guest bloggers ended what seems like forever ago but between Mr. Superman going back to work a couple weeks ago and me switching my sleeping schedule around again so I can spend time with him, blogging has taken a super far back seat. I'm talking more than just sitting behind the driver in a Camry backseat. I mean short kid who can't see over his brothers head in the back seat of a Suburban full of a Mormon family and 6 other screaming kids so his tiny little voice can't be heard kind of backseat. Yeah.

Regardless, I have been finding time to read just not commenting so don't think I've completely neglected you all. So Mr. Superman's back at work working mid-shift. For people unfamiliar with this lovely little time frame that means he leaves the house Sunday through Thursday at 10:30 PM and doesn't return until the following morning until about 0930 and that's if he gets let out "on time". So much for 9 hour shifts eh? That's what happens when half the base returns from deployment only to have the other half be their "relief". The base doesn't slow down too much here but it does mean more work and longer shifts with way less manpower.

Yayyy.

Our pillow talk didn't involve pillows but it was early morning when most of the world was sleeping. I texted him to let him know of a very dire situation I was facing. I was whining via text.

Warning: I am a bit crass so maybe in-laws should stop reading now. 

Me: I drank all the water and now I'm firstyyyyy
Him: So drink the fridge water lover. Just put lots of ice in it.
Me: Its yuckyyyyy
Him: You haven't even tried it.
Me: I have. Before you ever even lived here. Duh.
Him: I see. Then I suppose you might die from thirst. I will mourn you.
Me: Have fun jacking off.
Him: I won't. I will miss you turribly.
Me: Charles, you need to get water on your way home.
Him: We can go when we wake up.
Me: I'm not a camel. I need h2o.
Him: Well I cannot currently help you. AND you are a camel because you only need water like once a month or so.
Me: FALSE. You are faaaalssseee.
Him: Nope. Nope not ever.

Words Of Wisdom From Mr. Superman: Cleaning Edition

Mr. Superman: I really love having the house be so clean.
Mrs. S: Oh yeah?
Mr. Superman: Yeah but I don't like to actually clean.
Mrs. S: Hmmm. Imagine that.

It's a good thing he married me now isn't it?

True That

I got into a discussion with a fellow Milie this past weekend. 

It was about Lover's Day. 

Most of you Lovelies know how I feel about Lover's Day. 

I think its kind of ridiculous the over-commercialization and how much time and money it wastes. 

I wrote all about it here. 

Anyway, she was almost indecently offended at my disinterest in the holiday. 

I don't think it helped that I concluded the conversation with, 

"Seriously, the only good thing about that day is an extra excuse to get laid. That's probably the reason I hated it even more this year. No action for me."

Can I get a True That?

What A Rebel

Way to be bold.

Lion Crip

I love Mr. Superman. A lot. Even though he's kind of nerdy at times and condones stuff like this in his friends. Pardon the language. They're a bunch of men in the military.

"An example of why its not good to have this much time on our hands.  This is courtesy of Ssgt Smith.  I think you'll enjoy or just shake your head."

Pillow Talk: A Bear Ate It Edition

 

My BFF Forever Nikki has this thing she always says to her husband, or pretty much anyone, whenever anything goes wrong or missing. 

"A bear ate it." 

Its logical right? 

It happens all the time. 

Well since I'm with her, well, a ton, her phrases rub off on me. Yeah. That's where tonight's edition of Pillow Talk comes from. 

Me: Tell me I have to get my packing done tomorrow. I'll listen if you tell me I have to do it, just like you told me I had to put my registration sticker on. You told me, I did it, and now its done.

Him: Sweetie, you have to get your packing done tomorrow.

Me: Okay. Okay wait. Now that I'm thinking about it... I don't know where my registration is. I mean, I put the sticker on my license plate and then... I have no idea where the actual paperwork is. Crap. That's bad.

Him: How do you lose it right after you put the sticker on? I just don't get...

Me: Its not my fault. It either sprouted legs and ran away... or a bear ate it.

Him: Really? That's what you're going with?

Me: You tell me. Which one is more probable?

Him: Are we really doing this?

Me: Yes. Its the truth, I had no control over it.

Him: Well if we are indeed doing this and if its based solely on the probability of your registration disappearing under one of these two circumstances, then I'd have to go with a bear ate it.

Me: Hey, you said it, not me.

Pillow Talk: Heart Attack Edition

So even though Mr. Superman is in the middle of a war zone in Afghanistan, we have still been able to have some conversations that I think of as Pillow Talk. 

This one took place about two weeks ago and I kept forgetting to blog about it. 

He nearly gave me a heart attack and it had nothing to do with all the background noise I have grown accustomed to hearing.

Him: So I need to ask you something and I really need you to be honest about it.

Me: Okay. (My heart is pounding so freaking hard)

Him: Did you ever date a guy named Jesse?

SILENCE

I am furiously racking my brains trying desperately to remember whether or not I ever dated someone named Jesse, casually or not, and under what circumstances he'd run into my husband in Afghanistan and just somehow connect it all together.

Him: So did you?

Me: Um... not that I can think of but there could have been... maybe... or it could technically not be considered dating... or... um. I'm so sorry baby I can't say yes or no with full honesty because I don't know. (I am nearing hyperventilation state by this time, feeling horribly bad and guilty)

Him: Hmmm. You sure?

SILENCE

I am internally freaking out

Me: No babe, I'm not but I really don't think so.

Him: That's too bad.

Me: Why? (Confused now)

Him: Because I have ALWAYS wanted to say that I ended up with Jesse's Girl.

Me: Are you freaking serious right now? Really? You gave me a heart attack and had my mind reeling and feeling so guilty all because of that! Nice.

Words Of Wisdom From Mr. Superman: Birthday Style

What do you get when you combine Mr. Superman in Afghanland with my birthday?

 +

=

This.

↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓

She was Sergeant Hooker. 

Confused? 

Okay, I'll rewind and let you get comfy before I type out those words again. It'll probably make more sense that way.

Hey all!! 

I am still sick with strep (my HHT makes illness last a lot longer than for 'normal' people) and I am still missing my loverface like crazy but guess what? 

I am now officially 23! 

I know, big whoop right? 

For me, my birthday was pretty good but honestly, I was more excited that it was another milestone down towards Mr. Superman coming home.

I will be back with a recap of my BDAY just as soon as I find my camera cord and recap December. 

You know, from last year. 

I'm a slacker. 

I got a pretty fabulous email from Mr. Superman himself the day before my BDAY (Friday) and thought I'd share a few bits.

"Hey baby girl,

Well I'm glad your flowers arrived safely.  By the way, I'm the one that doesn't deserve you.  I'm sorry that they weren't exactly a surprise but that's life with a joint bank account.  Plus its not like I can currently pick them up on my way home from work.  I wanted them to get there tomorrow but they don't deliver on Saturday.  Oh well.  It's your birthday here anyways so HAPPY BIRTHDAY!  You are officially my cougar once again.  I really hope you start to feel better soon so that you can enjoy your day.  

 

(Insert a big email full of stuff I am not sharing on the blog)

 

On a final note, I would like to share with you a funny story.  Well not so much of a story but you will laugh (hopefully) nonetheless.  So I was at the chow hall for midnight chow after I finished my job.  I had gotten my food and was going to get a water bottle to drink and passed an Army woman and happened to glance at her name tape.  When I read her name I did a double take and turned and had to check it again.  At that point it was all I could do to not laugh.  Can you guess what her name was?  Hooker.  She was Sergeant Hooker.  Freaking hilarious.  I couldn't believe it.  Unfortunately she looked like no hooker you would imagine.  She was like 5 foot 1 and plump.  Really plump.  But the name was enough for me.  I don't know how you could go through life being named Hooker but I guess she has managed. 

 

(Some more goopy stuff I won't share)

 

Happy Birthday lover!"

Words Of Wisdom From Mr. Superman

So amidst our giggling, chowing down (he had a beef enchilada in tomato sauce MRE while I had Cheetos) and our broken signals, there were a few momentos worthy of a 'Words of Wisdom' post that slipped out of my loverfaces mouth.

I was wearing these cute jammies tonight.

I was walking around holding the laptop while getting some things from different rooms. 

Him: Your boobs have me seeing stars.
Me: What? Why did you say that? I didn't even show you my boobs.
Him: Wait for it....
Me: Oh! Ha ha I see what you did there. You made a funny :)

A little bit later I was explaining about how Arizona just made fireworks legal and all these spazzes are going crazy buying tons and setting them off.

Him: We have fireworks here too! I hear them ALL.THE.TIME.
Me: Oh yeah? Mine are prettier in the sky than yours.
Him: Yeah but mine kill more people.
Me: I'm pretty sure appearances are everything. 
Him: Fail.

He is my lanta.

Pillow Talk: Even From Far Away Edition

**Post Edit** (Mr. Superman pointed out that I left out what he called, "The icing on the cake" of the conversation. Enjoy.)

Its been a long time since I threw a Pillow Talk on here and called it dunzo.

Last night/this morning, my computer began ringing and I found my husbands fuzzy pixelized head sitting on my bed. It was the first time in a long time we got to talk and for a long uninterrupted amount of time.

Me: Oh my gosh baby, Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson are getting divorced.
Him: I know that's crazy.

Thinking to myself, how the H does he have time to find that out??

Me: So I guess its our turn. I'll jump on Ryan Reynolds, you go get Scarlett.
Him: Alright, I guess this is it. I'll be seeyin' ya. Its been real.
Him: You know what, I'd rather have Rachel McAdams. Let me know when she's single.
Me: Shoot. I'd take Rachel McAdams over Ryan Reynolds. Lets do this.

I love that man. He makes me smile even from far away.