Yesterday and Today

Yesterday I had a hard day. My heart hurt and tears were barely held at bay. Thoughts were continuously swirling in my mind and I felt bitter and broken. I spent most of the night lying awake in my soft bed next to my husband whose sound sleep and warm body were my only comforts amidst all of my woes, is me. 


It's not often that something happens to make me turn truly introspective and feel my core shaken but this morning something did. It's a rare thing to be able to see distress on my husband's face but today, it's there.

Evil was not only overbearingly present and manifested in that Connecticut school but it was felt in a way that should not be possible. It is felt now and will continue to be felt which means souls will continue to hurt, hearts will continue to break, and pain will continue to resonate so deeply it may feel as if it will never dissipate. 

Yesterday I felt self pity and jealousy and anger and every other selfish emotion. My unhappiness and discontentment were palpable.  


Today, Mr. Superman came into wake me up and after giving me a kiss on the cheek he told me about something that immediately knocked me upside the head and shamed me for all of yesterday's thoughts and feelings and made me feel absolutely pathetic.

"There's been another shooting. This one is bad Chelle. It was kids. A lot of kids. Really young, kindergarten kids. Someone went into this school in Connecticut and shot and killed 26 people. It's making me sick to my stomach."

My heart sank with every word. 

Countless experts in just about everything will be interviewed and talked to and they will all assign reasons and illnesses and excuses as to why this person did what he did. The same conversations will cycle exhaustively never being deterred. No matter what is said and written, they will all be wrong. It's impossible to wrap your head around something like this. People will ask, "Why?" and endlessly attempt to find sense in it all. 

They won't find it. There's no sense or understanding to be found. The only things to be found are sadness and pain and heartbreak and anger and despair and suffering.

And hope. 
Yes, hope.  

It won't come today. 
It won't come tomorrow. 
For some it won't even come before the new year.

Lovelies, I not only know that it will come but I PROMISE that hope will be found. 

Yesterday I saw the have-nots and the broken dreams. Yesterday I was blinded by what we don't have and the pain and sadness that comes with that. 

Yesterday we didn't have babies and it seemed the worst thing in the world. 

Today, there are 20 families who no longer have their babies and it is the worst thing in the world.

Today was another day that proves how completely intertwined and connected we are as human beings. It's absolutely vital we cling to this brotherhood of mankind we all belong to and find within ourselves the patience and love and support God gave each and every one of us.

Yesterday was one thing and today is wholly another. 

Today has awakened me. Today has challenged my beliefs. Today has wrought a change so deep its full effects may never be understood. Today has showed me the importance of hope. It's nearly Christmas and for me, the thing I am desperately clinging to is what Christmas holds. Christmas stripped down to the basics and its true meaning is something that is inexplicably perfect.

Christmas is magical.
Christmas is love.
Christmas is promise
Christmas is hope.
Christmas is peace.
Christmas is selfless.
Christmas is pure and unadulterated
Christmas is truly what mankind should be.  

I heard the bells on Christmas day
Their old familiar carols play,
And wild and sweet the words repeat
Of peace on earth, good will to men.

And thought how, as the day had come,
The belfries of all Christendom
Had rolled along the unbroken song
Of peace on earth, good will to men.

Till ringing, singing on its way
The world revolved from night to day,
A voice, a chime, a chant sublime
Of peace on earth, good will to men.

And in despair I bowed my head
“There is no peace on earth,” I said,
“For hate is strong and mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good will to men.”

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:
“God is not dead, nor doth He sleep;
The wrong shall fail, the right prevail
With peace on earth, good will to men.”


JG said...

Yes, today definitely made me more thankful for Christmas than ever. Beautifully put.

Team Mama said...

I just now read your blog post- I was very moved. It is both profound and wise. I had cried more times that I can count over the 20 babies who went home to their Heavenly Father- I can't watch the news reports, I can't read the paper- it just tears me up. We sang this song in church on Sunday and I couldn't even sing the words- "Peace on earth, good will to men." Your words did give some measure of comfort. Thank you for them. And as for you- please know that I know that your day will come...and I will do everything in my power to help you. <3

Silvia Nishant Smith said...

Love that poem. Here's something you might find interesting: http://robin10hood.blogspot.com/2012/12/campanis.html
thanks for the good thoughts!