Another Phone Call

Life.

It happens.

Until a few years ago, I never really knew what that meant.

I thought I knew. I thought I knew what it meant, what it felt like, what it was.

I didn't.
I do now though.
Boy, do I know.

And if there was ever any doubt, I'm constantly reminded. Most of the time, it's me who reminds me but yesterday it happened to come courtesy of a phone call from a certain Air Force Captain. The same Air Force Captain who has been on the other end of several phone calls that reminded me of it.

Life.

Three years and 14 days ago, it happened.

Pain.
Terror.
Humiliation.
Guilt.
Rape.
Life.

Life happened.

It's nowhere near anything I ever thought would be a part of my life but on October 4, 2009 it happened and it is now very much a part of my life.

About eight months after it happened, I received a phone call from the JAX (AF Legal) Captain notifying me that the civilian court in Texas had declined to prosecute. The District Attorney had taken my case before a Grand Jury and despite all of the evidence against him, they returned a No Bill on my attacker. The DA had pulled the Grand Jury and discovered that there were three men who could not and would not be swayed of their opinions. To them, my swollen and bruised neck, the petechiae in my eyes from being choked and suffocated, the bruises in the shape of his hands on my arms and legs, the scratches on my back from his dirty fingernails, the bump on the back of my head were all indicators that I liked rough sex. They had no problem saying that in their minds, this was a case of a young military wife who cheated on her husband and regretted it so she cried rape. There was no indictment issued and he was then free to continue on to the base listed on the orders that had been put on pause when the investigation had begun. He was free as a bird and when he got to Little Rock AFB and his file landed on the Commander's desk, I got this phone call telling me everything.

In a phone call, it happened. Life. Again. In that phone call I felt all of that pain and terror and humiliation again.

The beginning of September 2010 brought another phone call. This one was to tell me that the Commander wanted to go forward within the military justice system and convene an Article 32 hearing.

In a phone call, it happened. Life. Again. In that phone call I felt hope. Life isn't always bad and I was reminded of that.

A week later Mr. Superman got a phone call. He was being deployed in two weeks.

In a phone call, it happened. Life. Military life. Again. I felt what I imagine to be the absolutely normal yet no less frightening rush of emotions that any military significant other feels when they hear those words. THE words. I'm deploying. A split-second later however my heart jumped into my throat and my head started to spin because yet again, I was facing the possibility of facing my attacker alone. All of these thoughts, and feelings, and fears overwhelmed me in a matter of seconds.... all because of a phone call. Again.

By the end of September my husband was gone and I was living with family in Arizona. The day marking a year since my attack was full of writing depositions, answering questions from lawyers, and praying I got to talk to Mr. Superman who was 8,000 miles away.

October 19, 2010 was our three year wedding anniversary. It was also the day of the Article 32 hearing. I was berated with questions from all sides. The Prosecution walked me through every single second of that night. THE night. The night it happened.

Pain.
Terror.
Humiliation.
Guilt.
Rape.
Life.

I answered the same questions I'd been asked by so many people, so many times. Then I did it all over again  with the Defense team. I was slandered. Embarrassed, mortified, terrified, frustrated, exasperated, upset, angry.... these don't even begin to cover what I was feeling. I did it all a third time with the Judge Advocate. Each time I had to use clinical terms and explicit detail sparing nothing. Three times. A few hours later it happened. Life. I had gone to an Urgent Care because of pain I'd been dealing with. It was a miscarriage. Our third angel baby was gone. I was numb by this point except for a tiny spark of feeling in my heart when the realization hit that I was going to have to tell my husband.

And just like that it would happen again. Life. Shock and sadness would follow the news I gave my husband. He would be reminded that life happens. No matter what, it happens. There's no stopping it. Even though it was our anniversary and despite him being 8,000 miles away in an active and dangerous war zone, the words I'd say to him would reaffirm the bitter truth of life. All because of a phone call.

It didn't take long before my phone was ringing and the caller I.D. showed it was the AF Captain. I didn't answer it. I couldn't. I couldn't bring myself to face another phone call that would jar me back to the reality of it all. Life. I was sitting in a nail salon with my sister and we both had our feet soaking in mini-jacuzzi tubs. I was going to be flying to Salt Lake City the next day to spend Thanksgiving with Mr. Superman's family and was looking forward to a week of escaping reality. A few minutes after the missed phone call my phone buzzed to let me know I had a voice mail from the Captain. I ignored it. I don't know how many hours it took or if it took a few days but when I finally braced myself and put the phone to my ear, I wasn't prepared for what I heard.

"Everything has been dismissed. The Judge Advocate didn't feel there was enough to take it any further. As far as his civilian record goes, there is none. His military file shows that while he attended Tech School he was questioned about a SARC case but nothing more. Your request for an extension of the Do Not Contact order or a civilian Restraining Order have both been denied since everything has been dismissed and its now as if none of the investigation or incident ever occurred."

It happened. With an ignored phone call and a voice mail I was reminded of the cruelty and unfairness of life. Regardless of what we do or don't do, life happens. It always happens.

The last couple of years have been full of ups and downs when it comes to how I've dealt with and coped with being raped and subsequently having my rapist exonerated twice. There have been days where I felt strong and brave and as if I could see him on the street and be okay. There have been days where I felt like curling up in a ball and crying until my eyes were swollen and my head ached. I've lost count of how many days I have done just that.

Yesterday I was at work when it happened. Life. I was surrounded by a few coworkers and nine 3 year-olds singing fun songs when my phone began to buzz. Normally, I don't have my phone in my pocket while at work but we had just returned from a field trip and I had taken it with me to take pictures of all the kids. I took it out of my pocket to hit ignore but my heart stopped when I saw the phone number. When I got my iPhone, I never transferred numbers over so even though it didn't have the AF Captain's name on the caller I.D. I knew it was him. I'll always know who it is when a 501 area code is flashing on my phone screen. I jumped up and mumbled that I had to take the phone call. I ducked into a small room/closet at the back of our classroom and with shaking hands answered my phone.

In that instant it happened. Life. I heard the familiar voice of the Captain and could tell what he was going to say wasn't going to be good news. About ten minutes later I hung up the phone while furiously wiping my eyes and hoping none of the kids would see me crying. I stepped out and ran to the bathroom where I kept telling myself that no matter what, I had to pull it together and push it all aside. Life.

Here I am 3 years later and because of a phone call I got yesterday I feel just as raw and bruised and angry and terrified and embarrassed as I was the night I was raped.

Raping me wasn't enough.

Choking and suffocating me until blood vessels burst in my eyes and I nearly passed out wasn't enough.

Raping me again wasn't enough.

Slamming my head into a concrete wall wasn't enough.

Bruising, restraining, and hitting me weren't enough.

Slandering and humiliating me weren't enough.

Making sure I felt like I wasn't worth anything wasn't enough.

Getting to walk away free, twice, with no consequences and as if he didn't nearly kill me wasn't enough.

This person who took something away from me with no repercussions now has FIVE different attorneys assembling against me and looking for me so they can serve me with papers to let me know he is now suing me for defamation.

The Captain was calling me to let me know. Even though he was legally not supposed to contact me again after everything was dismissed, he did. And just like that, with a phone call this Air Force Captain reminded me that it happens.

Life.

No matter how many times we have been knocked down or disappointed, it happens. In spite of how we choose to deal with the past, it happens. Regardless of how good we are doing in our lives and how happy we are feeling, it happens. There is never any slowing it down or stopping it in its tracks.

Life.

It always happens.

We Are Military Spouses

HAPPY MILITARY SPOUSE APPRECIATION DAY!! 

(Linking up to Riding The Roller Coaster and Household Six Diva)

We laugh, we cry, we live, we love, we breathe.  

We are military spouses.


We know how to mow the lawn, check the oil, and hang the Christmas lights. We know the importance of "Going With The Flow" and "No News Is Good News".

We are military spouses.

Our brains are like dictionaries for acronyms. BCT, OTS, OCS, ABU, ACU, BDU, TDY, MPF, BX, PX, PCS, BTZ, OPSEC, AKA, DEERS, AAFES, AWOL, DOD, CDC, CVR, JAG, MOS, BAH, FSA....

We are military spouses.

We text in military time. "Hey let's meet up at 1300 because I have to have dinner ready by 1800 so Loverface can get to bed and be up at 0500."

We are military spouses.

We may wear red shirts on Fridays, have a Blue Star Flag in our window, a bumper sticker on our car, and a yellow ribbon around our tree. Our hearts are connected to every other person like us and we cry for people we've never met. We feel an incalculable amount of love, respect, pain, and protectiveness over anyone wearing a Gold Star.

We are military spouses.

We know our spouses SSN's better than our own and could answer from a coma, "Last four?" We hate Murphy and laugh out loud when civilians ask us who this prick Murphy is. We say things like, "Dark o' Thirty" and "Hurry Up and Wait". We hate big black tough boxes, white buses, and C bags but when it comes down to it, we are just ready for our loved ones to leave so we can start counting down to their return.

We are military spouses.

Our marriages, our spouses, and even us ourselves are untruthfully slandered and unabashedly judged by everyone who has no right to do so. We are called "The Silent Ranks" because what we do day in and day out requires that we smother all of the things being said to us, about us, and bouncing around in our heads and stand there composed, calm, and collected. What you don't know is the outward display of grace and calm and dispassion is a facade. Its easier to hold our breath and have a smooth outward disposition when we are constantly waiting. Waiting for a phone call, waiting for orders, waiting for a letter, an email, an answer to a million and one prayers... It all requires a semblance of unflappable, quiescent serenity.

We are military spouses.

We've learned to laugh at things so we don't cry and shrug our shoulders at what we know we can't control. It is what is is and we are who we are and we've learned to be perfectly content with it all. Our best friends are often people whom we've never met and our strongest supporters are those who need to know we're there for them too.

We are military spouses.

They call us DEPENDENTS and tell us we're nothing without our SPONSORS but we know the truth. Those words are just titles assigned to us so we fit into the cubbies made for us. We also know if we had a dollar for every time we've heard, "You're just a dependent" then we'd be the rich people everyone thinks we are. We are often overlooked, over-shadowed, and crop up as an after-thought but the truth that resonates within each and every one of us lets us be fine with it all. Our silence is all too often mistook for acceptance, approval, and meek obedience but in reality we are the toughest, most stalwart and resilient people you'll ever meet. If you mess with our lovers, our families, or one of our fellow Milie's you'll be unlucky enough to see just how brawny and backwoods even the most city of us can really get.

We are military spouses.

We laugh because it helps us stay sane.
We cry because we are still human.
We live everyday to the fullest because we know how fragile our world is.
We love fearlessly with our hearts wide open.
And we breathe because sometimes its the only thing we have control over and that helps us have peace of mind enough to do it all again tomorrow.

We are military spouses.

George Strait Said It Best... Just Give It Away

Lovelies!! 
I'm here with ANOTHER fabulous giveaway!!!

I know, I know, I'm amazing. 

A while back I was contacted by a lovely lady by the name of Kate. As I read her email, I got more and more excited about what she was saying.

Do you want to know what its all about?!

Okay, I'll tell you. 
In a minute. 

First, let me ask all of you Milie Lovelies who have been through a deployment with their loverface a question. 

How many times while you were separated by duty, oceans, and several thousand miles did you wish you could just see their face and hear their voice?  

How many times?  

If you're anything like me, you couldn't even fathom a guess because that innate desire and need to feel connected for even just a second never really leaves. Its ALWAYS there.

Well, I have something incredible to share with you all. 

SuperTintin, the company who contacted me, has partnered with Skype which has resulted in the most incredible collaboration ever. In the next few weeks or so, they together will be offering 100 Skype Recording Licenses to very lucky, deserving lovebirds and Milie families!

Yes, Skype Recording Licenses. Its EXACTLY what it sounds like.

Here are a few words from Kate explaining about this fantastic company and product.

"SuperTintin is also a huge supporter of our military families and would like to show their support by hosting a fun campaign for military families just in time for Valentine's Day. To that end, SuperTintin is donating 100 licenses to its Skype recording software so that deployed/stationed servicemen and women can connect with their families at home and the at-home family can record the conversation (and all following conversations) to play back or share with other family and friends as much as they'd like."

Did you get that Lovelies?! A way to record your loved ones face and voice so that you ALWAYS have the option to see them and hear them no matter how far away they are or how long its been since you've been able to make contact with one another.

What a blessing!! 

It gets better dolls, much better. 

Not only are 100 of these Skype Recording Licenses going to be gracing Milie families but I get to give away 5 of them myself!

SEVEN!!  

So now for the details. There will be 7 winners of this giveaway just on my page alone but I will also be able to share with you the other military sites and bloggers that will be hosting giveaways of their own!

You will have SO many opportunities to enter and hopefully win one for yourself!  

A quick note: The Skype Recording Software is NOT compatible with any Mac/Apple products. Yet. So really, unless you have a PC, its not really good to enter because it takes away the chance of someone who has a way to use this awesome software.  

This giveaway will remain open until February 12 at midnight PST and the winners will be chosen and contacted by email immediately. I will then provide Kate from SuperTintin with your email address and she will get you all of your license information just in time for Valentine's Day!! 

Now that the basics and information about this giveaway have been covered, I'll dive right into your many MANY ways to enter. 

1. Leave a comment stating you would like to win, have a PC, whether a loved one is currently TDY, deployed, stationed overseas, or scheduled to leave soon and your email address. 

That is all required for ONE entry. 

2. Follow SuperTintin on TWITTER and leave me your @handle so I can verify.  

3. Become friends with SuperTintin on FACEBOOK and comment with a URL for verification. 

4. Blog about this giveaway and include a link to this post on my blog and at least one link to either SuperTintin's TWITTER, FACEBOOK, OR WEBSITE. Leave a comment with a URL to verify. 

5. Follow my blog and leave a comment.

6. Like the official FACEBOOK page for this blog and leave a comment.

7. Visit MilitaryBlogs.com and give this blog a +Boost. Leave a comment saying you did so and it can be done ONCE A DAY. Each time you +Boost and leave me a comment will count as an entry. I will also be verifying this. 

So Lovelies, there is one MANDATORY entry and at the minimum, 6 extra entries if you only do a +Boost once. That's a lot of chances to win!!   

If you enter on other blogs and are chosen as a winner and then chosen as a winner on my blog as well, I will choose a new one in your stead. 

So get to entering and sharing this fabulous news!!!  

A giant thank you to SuperTintin and good luck to all you Lovelies!!

Other bloggers also participating in hosting their own SuperTintin giveaways:

Julie & Martin  

The Glamorous Life of an Army Wife

Troop Petrie

Army Wife 101
Nuts In A Nutshell

Amy's Avenue
Skipper Clan
Dandelions & Daffodils
The Crow Family
A Touch of Class
Like Sunshine After Rain
Sabers, Spurs & A Pink Stetson

Please note that although I did receive a free recording license from SuperTintin in exchange for posting about their site, all opinions and words are my own. 

Give It Away, Give It Away, Give It Away Now

Oh my Lovelies! 

Its time for a giveaway!! Yay!

This giveaway is brought to us by PatriotSurplus.com!! They contacted me before Christmas and asked if I would be interested in hosting a giveaway for them. I said, "Yes!" and now here we are.

For those unfamiliar with PatriotSurplus.com, it is a wonderful company started up, owned, and operated by a former Marine named Steve Berg. It began in a basement and recently moved to a warehouse in Pennsylvania due to fast growth along with a small retail store. They carry all sorts of military uniform and surplus along with hunting camouflage and supplies.

The wonderful thing about PatriotSurplus.com is that they carry a lot more options for uniforms and boots all while keeping up with regulations (of course) and its less expensive than base/post run Clothing Issue. If you or your military loved one are stationed somewhere that may not be close to an actual military outpost, it can be frustrating and expensive buying badges, patches, cami's, dress uniforms, boots, PT gear, etc. All of the things that military members are required to have can be difficult to find and expensive to purchase but with PatriotSurplus.com, those hassles are alleviated!

You don't have to take my word for it though, you can go learn all about them and their amazing products and customer service HERE.

Now for what one lucky winner will be recieving.....

PatriotSurplus.com has graciously offered $25 for one lucky Lovely! Great right?!

If only I had gotten this a few months back when we had to buy some new Dress Blues shoes for Mr. Superman. 

To enter this giveaway, leave a comment saying you want to win and what you would put the 25$ toward. You must include a valid email address at which you can be contacted.


This giveaway opens now and will stay open until Midnight PST, Wednesday, January 11th. One winner will be chosen and once announced on the blog and emailed is obligated to respond within 24 hours otherwise a new winner will be chosen.


Be sure to go and check PatriotSurplus.com out and keep them in mind for all of your military uniform and supply needs!!

Ours

I love Taylor Swift.
She's adorable.
She speaks her mind.
She doesn't care what anyone thinks.
She loves wildly and without regret.

I just watched her newest music video for her song 'Ours' and had to share it. It was a hidden track on a bonus disc in a deluxe set of one of her albums. All of her fans who discovered it, loved the song, requested the heck out of it, and clamored for a music video.

So she listened. 

I love what she said in response to how it all unfolded.

'I love my fans because they let the best song win.'

The best song wins indeed. I thought it was endearing and charming and SO honest. My heavens I had flashbacks from all of the horrible jobs where I had to sit in a cubicle and just counted the seconds until the end of the day. Then I saw the last 15 seconds and started bawling.

Thank you Taylor.
Its once again, an honest and spot on portrayal of real life.
Maybe not everyone's real life but mine and a whole lot of people I know.

Now watch it Lovelies.

Here We Go. Again. Again.

There used to be a time here on my blog that I used to be gung-ho, in your face, constantly debating, ever-posting about politics. I don't do it much at all now but my opinions haven't changed. I read Samantha The Army Wife's post today though, and I could no longer hold back. My postings were all the way back before the current president became president and when the country seemed to be in meltdown. Now I look back and realize that wasn't meltdown. Not at all. Back then is NOTHING compared to NOW. I could talk until I'm BLUE in the face and we could go round and round in circles addressing THE ISSUES but that wouldn't do a single thing. Wanna know how I know? No, I'm not psychic. I just know because that's what our elected officials, the ones who hold 'the power' have been doing for longer than I care to think about. Well, in between their well deserved, badly needed, ever earned vacation time. Wanna know how much good its done?

ZIP. ZILCH. NADA. ZERO. BUTKISS.

Most everything that politicians think are important and spend all their time 'trying to figure out', makes me sick. I get angry and frustrated and upset but I try to just NOT think about it because its not worth the way it all makes me feel.

We all know of the scares earlier this year when Military pay was going to be frozen leaving most of the military and their families in major binds. Bills were still going to be due but none of us would have had the money. Well, that didn't happen and I think most everyone sighed a sigh of relief thinking it was all over and nothing more needed to be thought or worried about.

Not me.
Not my family.
Not most of the people I know who stay informed and up to date on what Congress does concerning our fates and futures.

I want you guys to watch this video.

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
The Word - The 1%
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor & Satire Blog Video Archive

Its Stephen Colbert and yes he's funny but this has got to be the one and only video of his I have never laughed at.
It made me sick.
It made me want to grab and shake every politician and member of Congress and make them see how utterly preposterous, selfish, ludicrous, absurd, unethical, unfair, and inequitable their REASONING is.

With all of this 'Occupy Wallstreet', 'What you have earned and worked for, I deserve', 'I am the 99%' crap that's been going on and getting WAY too much attention, people's eyes have been turned to view the wealthy and privileged as awful, evil people. How dare they work and earn massive sums of money without giving it to MEEEEE!!! Do you want to know the REALITY? Anyone who feels so entitled to anything they themselves haven't slaved and worked for, regardless of what it is are truly the awful and evil people.

With all of the news coverage and articles about this current ludicrousness, eyes haven't been trained on Congress watching what they've been doing. Nobody has been pointing out the obvious yet easily ignored facts that what's wrong with this country ISN'T big corporations. It ISN'T capitalism. It ISN'T the people in suits who make their money from stocks and bonds and trading. Most people hear budget cuts and the different proposals that can never be agreed upon and their eyes glaze over so they don't want to look close enough to see that the REAL problem with this country is us. Its the people we've elected to run the country. What's wrong with our country is the flippancy that is directed towards the Armed Forces past, present, and future.

To think that the benefits of our Veteran's are the first things that come to the minds of our 'SUPER CONGRESS' when thinking of what needs to be cut...

That, THAT right there is what's wrong with this country.

Now let's look at the REAL 1% shall we?

If only the blindness of America and ignorance of Washington could be fixed by the simple snap of the fingers.

Because of Veterans: The Thing That Means The Most

Here I am, another military spouse, writing another post about Veteran's Day on my little old blog. There are a million things I could say, a couple dozen videos I could post, and quotes coming out the wazoo that I could share with you. Instead, I'll keep it fairly simple.

This Veteran's Day, I am even more grateful than usual that my very own veteran husband is home safe and sound on American soil.

No one can really, truly understand the sacrifices of veterans, except for them. I try my best as a wife to do what I can do, and that is show my gratitude. Honestly, that is the best thing in the world ANYONE can do.

No matter what your political affiliations and regardless of what your views on this decade long war are, the truth remains the same. You are here in America, able to align with the political party of your choice, maintain your points of view on issues, and support whatever and whomever you'd like, BECAUSE of veterans. You are able to sit at home, drive your car, read what you'd like, and watch what you'd like, BECAUSE of veterans. You are able to pierce and tattoo your body, cut and color your hair, and wear whatever clothes you choose, BECAUSE of veterans. You are able to protest on behalf of whichever cause you'd like and yell, kick, and scream to get people's attention for whatever reason, BECAUSE of veterans.

Veterans serve this country faithfully, unfailingly, and without complaint. They CHOOSE to serve because they know it has to be done and they step up. Veterans make everything we have, everything we do, and everything about this country POSSIBLE.

Its Veteran's Day so for this one day, why don't we do what we can do, and give them the thing that means most?

Our gratitude and thanks. 

Regardless of their age, when they served, or how long they served, they sacrificed for you, me, and millions of others they don't know. Many of these selfless individuals paid for our freedom with their lives. 

So say thank you. And trust me when k say that it means more than we can imagine.

"We often take for granted the very things that most deserve our gratitude." ---Cynthia Ozick

Sunshine & Sacrifices

Hey Lovelies

I hope everyone has a phenomenal holiday weekend.

Do something for me will you?

Take a few minutes to think about what Memorial Day is really all about.

Something else?

Enjoy the sunshine.

I know I will.

Yeah, I'm Putting In My 2 Cents

I won't say too much because most people know my political stance but this is undoubtedly and undeniably momentous for us as a nation. We must not lower our guards and please please PLEASE stick to OPSEC and continue to pray for our troops.

A lot of people are speculating and noting the obvious that there will more than likely be a power struggle to take Osama's place. I think its safe to say that's going to happen and yes we have to proceed with caution BUT freaking out and going into a catatonic state of fear and and unrest isn't going to do you or anybody any good. I've already seen rumors and people posting on Facebook about air strikes to bases and such. Just stop. You're not helping.  All military outposts are currently sitting at Fpcon Bravo which for those who don't know means extremely heightened security and is specifically aimed at high risk of terrorist threat.

We are a strong and brave nation. That has been proved time and again. We don't falter, we don't hesitate, and as shown in these recent events, we do not FAIL.

Some quotes, statements and things I have seen posted by friends all over the place. 

Funniest Facebook Page ever: And That's How The USA Outdoes A Royal Wedding

Facebook Statuses:

"The girl married her Prince. The bad guy is dead. It's a real Disney weekend here on Earth."

"We will not tire, we will not falter, we will not fail." - President Bush, 2001. We did not. God Bless America.

"Heard Obama's statement was late because they were digging through the White House attic so he could wear Bush's "Mission Accomplished" flight suit."

"May 1st of 1945: Hitler announced dead - May 1st of 2011: Bin Laden announced dead"

Statement from former President George W. Bush:

"Earlier this evening, President Obama called to inform me that American forces killed Osama bin Laden, the leader of the al Qaeda network that attacked America on September 11, 2001.  I congratulated him and the men and women of our military and intelligence communities who devoted their lives to this mission.  They have our everlasting gratitude.  This momentous achievement marks a victory for America, for people who seek peace around the world, and for all those who lost loved ones on September 11, 2001.  The fight against terror goes on, but tonight America has sent an unmistakable message:  No matter how long it takes, justice will be done."

Statement from Mitt Romney:

"This is a great victory for lovers of freedom and justice everywhere. Congratulations to our intelligence community, our military and the president. My thoughts are with the families of Osama bin Laden's many thousands of victims, and the brave servicemen and women who have laid down their lives in pursuit of this murderous terrorist."

Former State Department spokesman P.J. Crowley said on Twitter:

"#BinLaden's death does not eliminate the threat from #alQaeda, but it is hard to see anyone playing the same organizational role he did."

Seen on a military site:

UNITED STATES HIT LIST:
Saddam Hussein ☑
Osama Bin Laden ☑
Westboro Church ☐

Via a Facebook MilSpouse Page:

Now I lay me down to sleep, one less terrorist this world does keep. With all my heart I give my thanks to those in uniform regardless of rank. You serve our country and serve it well, with humble hearts your stories tell. So as I rest my weary eyes while freedom rings our flag still flies. You give your all, do what you must, with God we live and God we trust. Amen

 

Now I gotta share something spectacular. We've all heard it and most of us have seen it but tonight was the first time ever that I cried while listening to and watching Toby Keith sing.

"Justice will be served and the battle will rage. This big dog will fight when you rattle his cage. You'll be sorry that you messed with the US of A 'Cause we'll put a boot in your ass, it's the American way."

 

I have never been prouder to be the wife of an American Airman. He just returned from 7 months in Afghanistan and continues to serve our country every day. I have never been more overwhelmed with emotion and pride to be living in this country which despite all of its mistakes and politics is truly the best country in the entire world. Keep the love, pride, and prayers going and as always support our troops. 

MilGirl Status With Semper Gumby... The Return of Sunshine!

Lovelies! Here we are again with another fabulous line up of guest bloggers to entertain you all while I am busy cleaning our new house from top to bottom, grocery shopping, and all of the ever-important mani/pedi, spray tan, waxing, and hair appointments in preparation for the big HOMECOMING!! I am so glad I have all of these wonderful Lovelies stepping in for me so I can focus on the important things not to mention so I can be sure to take breathers in between my anxiety attacks. So please be sure to show all of my wonderful Lovelies lots of love because they deserve it. I'm so happy to have Reina here tody. She's a dear friend. When we talked about what she wanted to write about, I was stoked because it hits home with me. Before Mr. Superman deployed I had felt very targeted on several occasion from other MilGirl's. I was told we had it so easy and didn't understand military life because we had never gone through a deployment. So thank you Reina for writing about this!!

MilGirl Status

You're a Miliie/MilGirl, you're proud of your guy for serving our country! Damn right you are! Have you wondered, though, that there are "types" of MilGirls out there.  Even if you don't necessarily think this way, there might be others around you, in your real world or in your bloggy world.  This isn't true of ALL MilGirls; I'm just identifying something that I've observed, a vibe that I've felt...

I've found that other MilGirls judge you based on whether or not your guy's been deployed. They judge you if YOU haven't survived a deployment with him.  They judge you that you're "only dating" a sailor. They judge you because you're a Coast Guard wife, the "other" military service. 

I am attending program for Social Work in hopes that someday, I can become a civilian military social worker.  I started an organization devoted to students at the school to be able to learn about military specific issues as related to social workers in the field.  I am clearly committed and passionate about the topic of serving military service members and military families. I'm also waiting to marry my Marine.

Unfortunately, from the early days of my relationship with Dave, I have struggled with the judgmental, condescending messages from other MilGirls.  No, he's never deployed to Iraq or Afghanistan.  He has deployed on other missions.  He has served his country honorably and he intends to do so again as an officer.  He has volunteered himself when volunteers were needed for relief missions such as Haiti.  Sometimes, you just don't get picked.

The thing is, though, that it's not about the Marine, or the Soldier, or the Sailor, or the Airman. It's about the larger mission. It's about America and the World. They play a vital part in the functioning of the machine so that those who are on the front lines can do their job. They are also the ones holding down the fort in other lonelier parts of the world.  So, to say that you haven't served as a service member or a family of that service member for their DAILY SACRIFICES, is ignorant and tragic.

Perhaps it's an insecurity on these MilGirls' parts that they feel superior to anybody whose man hasn't been deployed. Or, maybe they feel like they need to strut because they don't have anything else going for them but their service member that they're proud of (which is not to say that that's not something to be proud of...).  If you want to compare the effects of deployment vs. non-deployment, clearly, there are some significant levels of trauma that need to be accounted for; however, there are also significant changes in lifestyle that can also result in severe mood disorders that are manifested in the service member or the family. You're comparing apples to grapefruits, really. They're both fruit.

I think it's completely and utterly unnecessary to compare.  It's one thing to talk about your experiences through deployment or sharing stories, but those people who are being judged sure as heck don't feel like you are better than them.  Because, we're all Team America. We buy into all of it and in the end, we are on the same side. We cheer for our guys and gals. It doesn't matter what your service member is doing to serve his country, he's serving just the same.  We are all proud.

Military Wifey Survey

1. How long have you been a military wife? A little over two years!

2. What branch of service is your husband? Air Force

3. Active/Reserve? Active Duty

4. What is his job? Munitions Systems (AMMO) working Line D. IYAAYAS!!

5. How many deployments have you gone through? We are nearing the end of our first one.

6. Camo or Dress uniforms on your man? He looks good in both but I love cami's with the sleeves rolled and I love him in his Dress Blues but with the casual zip up jacket.

7. What do you like about being a military wife? Oh I don't know. I just love the military life. I am just so incredibly proud of being married to someone a part of this world. He's everything.

8. Do you live on base? Nah the base housing we qualify for is tiny and trashy. We love living off base.

9. What is your favorite base so far? We are currently at our first, Moody AFB. Its pretty good. Small but nice enough. We are just excited to see where this life takes us.

10. What is the hardest part of the military life? Always being put on hold, never being able to make concrete plans, long separations....

11. Do you go to the grocery store or Commissary? Um mostly Walmart but meat and produce bought at the Commissary.

12. Do you work or stay at home? I'm a house wife! We both love it this way.

13. Do you have a lot of military wife friends? Nope, my bloggy friends are my milspouse friends! I have a few Milie friends IRL but not a whole ton. Too many bad experiences with drama llamas.

14. Do you prefer Walmart or the BX/PX/NEX/MCX? Walmart for sure. Our BX is really small but shoot if we had on like at Lackland, it'd probably be opposite.

15. How did your husband propose? I proposed with a Taco Bell packet after a few months dating ;) Ha ha but really, he got on his knee in my parents foyer. I thought he was kidding until he held the ring out.

16. Did you marry him after he joined or before? Before. We always knew he'd enlist, it just all depended on when we felt the time was right.

17. How long have you been together? Since September 2006

18. Any kids? 3 angel babies

19. Any kids yet to come?  We pray for a miracle every day. There is nothing we want more.

20. Is your husband one of those "I am soldier hear me HOOAH" kind of guys? Ha ha not really. He's proud and he does his job but I am way more about the HUA than he is.

21. Have you ever done combatives with your husband? He says he has batter spouse syndrome from me. Bah!

22. How many bases have you lived at? This is his first duty station but I was at his Tech School base for 2 months.

23. If you could change one thing about the military? Organization/scheduling

24. Do you like military balls? I want to go to one so badly but Moody rarely does them. They did one right after he deployed so a lot of good that did us.

25. Where does your family live? All of my immediate and most of my extended live in Arizona. His family lives in Utah and a few other states.

26. What do you do for a job? Superwife! I watch kids every once in a while and getting ready to start school again :) 

27. Have you ever gotten in a fight with an NCO's wife? Nope. I steer clear of drama llamas.

28. Name one thing you do when your husband is gone. Ha! Mostly a whole lot of nothing. I do a ton of DIY projects with furniture, painting, I thrift more...

29. Do you think other wives do that too? I think most military spouses do what they can to stay busy and be productive every once in a while. If anything helps pass the time, its staying busy.

Loving Paint With Grand Design

Lovelies! Here we are again with another fabulous line up of guest bloggers to entertain you all while I am busy cleaning our new house from top to bottom, grocery shopping, and all of the ever-important mani/pedi, spray tan, waxing, and hair appointments in preparation for the big HOMECOMING!! I am so glad I have all of these wonderful Lovelies stepping in for me so I can focus on the important things not to mention so I can be sure to take breathers in between my anxiety attacks. So please be sure to show all of my wonderful Lovelies lots of love because they deserve it. Today, I can't even tell you how stoked I am to have Nikki here. She's the BFF Forever I've mentioned before that I met while in Arizona. Her hubby is an officer in the Army National Guard who finished his first year tour in Iraq flying Black Hawks late last year. I also want to give a big fatty shout out to her hubby because he just got an incredible new position as a flight instructor!! She's a bagenius and an incredibly talented designer. Here's her take on making houses into homes when you move a lot. I also included pics of her own gorgeous house and be sure to check out her design blog. All of her projects are incredible.

I was completely stoked when my husband and I got the call that he had orders to go to flight school. I was so tired of Arizona and the stupid desert and wanted a new adventure. Not to mention I romanticized the South after watching movies like Gone with the Wind, The Notebook, and Sweet Home Alabama. So I loaded up all our stuff, my husband flew home from BOLC and two days later we were on our way to Fort Rucker.

When we got there I was in awe. Imagine my surprise to learn that grass, trees, and flowers could grow in the wild without constant drip lines! There was water everywhere we looked (although some of the lakes on post were inhabited by crocs and the like) and amazing historic homes. I loved to drive down main street in Ozark looking at old houses and fantasize about owning one of my own.

But that isn't where we lived. We lived in a house built some time in the 50's that was infested with mold and other critters (Alabama lingo for bugs). Animal control actually called themselves the "critter gitters". And even though the house was ugly as sin, smelled questionable, and made everything I hung on the walls look crooked, I LOVED it because for the first time in my life, I had a home that I could make look any way I wanted. With paint. And boy did I paint. I painted every wall in that place. 

I suppose that's where I developed my love for paint. Because it took my house on post from ridiculously hideous to a place I wanted to show off. Now that we have settled down and bought a house of our own, I have enjoyed painting the walls of my new house just as much as I did then. Its one of those things I don't think I'll ever get sick of. Being able to paint makes something gnarly into something beautiful and helps make a house into a home. Even though my husband isn't active duty, we have moved quite a bit and I'm one of those people who gets stir crazy after 2 years. Paint is one of those things that makes transitioning easier and I'm not going to complain about having a fresh canvas when we do move. Decorating a blank slate of a house is the best part about moving.

(Ingeniously painted wall. She used flat pain, a stencil, and clear acrylic spray paint.)

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(Her fabulous master bedroom)

(The baby's nursery/office/craft room.) 

(Her little girl's room. Best princess, girly room ever!)

You can tour her entire fabulous house HERE

Not Out of The Woods.... Yet With We See The Same Stars

Lovelies! Here we are again with another fabulous line up of guest bloggers to entertain you all while I am busy cleaning our new house from top to bottom, grocery shopping, and all of the ever-important mani/pedi, spray tan, waxing, and hair appointments in preparation for the big HOMECOMING!! I am so glad I have all of these wonderful Lovelies stepping in for me so I can focus on the important things not to mention so I can be sure to take breathers in between my anxiety attacks. So please be sure to show all of my wonderful Lovelies lots of love because they deserve it. Today I have the beautiful Carmen from We See The Same Stars. She is such a good friend and I am truly blessed to have her in my life and on the blog sharing her wisdom. Thanks doll!

First, I want to thank Mrs. S. for letting me guest post (once again) while she is off anxiously awaiting her homecoming! I'm so proud of you girl, you did it!

Lately on a lot of my guest blogs I have been talking about EAS (can you tell it's been on my mind lately?) However, Mrs. S. asked me personally to write about my most recent experience with the military.

Here is some background info, my husband's EAS (end of active service) is coming up in May and so when I rung in 2011, I was certain the Marine Corps couldn't possibly do anything or mess anything up right? Oh Carmen, you should have known better than that.

I had gone to pick up my mama from work with my brother and one of her friends needed a ride home so naturally, I obliged. We were on the high way driving to her friends house after I dropped my brother off at the bar. My husband called me and I immediately told him I would call him when I got home (thinking he just wanted to chat) but no less than 5 minutes later I receive a text from him saying:

"We need to talk, it is extremely important."

That could have meant a multitude of things, but it wasn't just "anything" compared to what I was about to hear. So I dropped her friend off and waited until it was just me and my mama so then I called him. He said he had bad news (at this point, I'm thinking someone died) and he told me that hew as being sent to Afghanistan due to an emergency in his unit. My heart stopped and dropped into my butt while my stomach rose up into my chest and throat. I felt like throwing up, crying, punching the wall, and just all other mixes of emotions. I immediately started tearing up but didn't want to break down and cry while still driving. 

As soon as I got home I told the news to my family. My mama thought I was joking and my sister's jaw dropped to the floor. They were in as much disbelief as I was. I didn't want any support at the time but I called my best friend and my husband as I cried my heart out to them. Then when I finally emerged and saw my family, they embraced me and I bawled my eyes out int their arms. I'm lucky to have them in my life. :)

My husband left the next morning and I just felt so empty inside (yes, he was given less than 24 hour notice). Nothing can compare to that feeling. He called me when he got there and was probably going to stay throughout the rest of his enlistment (which was still 3 months then).

"NOOOOOOO!!!!! I had a surprise trip planned to visit you next month! Come home sooner!! I need to see you!!"

He just laughed and told me how cute I was for wanting to surprise him. He said he would do his best to get home before I got there. I was super paranoid he would not make it home in time. He came home 10 days later and I will be seeing him this coming Saturday :)

It just goes to show that no matter how much experience you have with the military they always manage to keep you on your toes. Not to scare anyone, but an EAS date, I learned, doesn't mean all clear until the date he signs his release. Hopefully we have no more surprises!

El Completo

In case you missed it on Facebook and Twitter, Deployment Number 1 is over! Yayyy! My friend Sammy's hubby came home on the same plane as Mr. Superman and she hired a photog. I saw today she was sweet enough to capture our first kiss too. How sweet! Be sure to go check her out and like her FB page and then go look at the rest of the photos! They are beautiful!

Over-Statements

I have been trying to mull this over for a while now. When I am irritated, tact and grace hardly ever come through my words and to say I'm irritated would be a gross minimization of what I'm feeling. If you follow me on Twitter or Facebook you may have seen me post this article that was published on Examiner.com and written by a military wife. You could have seen it posted by someone else you know as well because I alone had 15 fellow Milie's share it along with their disgust with this woman. What's so wrong with the article? Why am I so fired up?

I am all for freedom of speech and freedom of press, I am. This woman has every right to say what she wants but when she is sitting there blatantly attacking an entire community (and one I am proudly a part of) and is spouting off her negativity for anyone to see or read, you'd better believe I am going to get angry and speak my mind. Even more so when I know that everything that person is saying is false. Grossly over-stated.

We as a military spouse community try so hard to fight against the stereotypes we are ignorantly labeled with and then here is a wife doing nothing to help. I just had to respond.

"After I read your article, I was more in shock than anything else so I had to go take a peek at the woman behind the words.
 
'Debi Ketner, an award-winning military life columnist, has focused on military marriage as a writer in Norfolk for over 14 years. Married to a Navy senior chief, she's also the mother of five sons, one currently on active duty in the Armed Forces. Her articles on military marriage have been featured in Military Times and military websites in the past.'

All I can say is that I feel so sorry for you if you truly believe everything you wrote describing us fellow military wives. It is such a mound of negativity and then reading that you are described as 'an award-winning writer' who has been featured several times in many different online outlets expanded my worries even more to think about the amount of new military spouses and civilians you now have convinced of what you see as the truth. The majority of military spouses I know and have come in contact with, along with myself, try so very hard to dispel the common misconceptions and stereotypes that are widely believed and readily accepted about us all. For a fellow military wife to blatantly spout off negative rhetoric as if its factual is offensive and disappointing but even more so since you are in a position of power to get your ideas published and spread.

I can only hope that someday soon you are able to let go of whatever negative experiences you may have had in the past that poisoned your perception of military wives and the relationships we have with one another. Maybe you'll get lucky and you'll find a hell of a friend in a military spouse because I myself, have found some of the best friends in the world in the 2 years I've been able to call myself a military wife."

This is also the woman that published that article saying that a "vast amount of military couples partook in oral-sex pacts" with other couples while spouses were deployed. Yeah, that's her. I just honestly cannot understand what would make someone do that. She isn't making herself look any better, that's for sure. Thankfully, the majority of feedback she has received has been from fellow military spouses not holding back. I just hope this opens her eyes but I have a feeling she is loving all of the attention and will continue to pollute the internet with her negativity.

Final Salute

"War is hell, but that's not the half of it, because war is also mystery and terror and adventure and courage and discovery and holiness and pity and despair and longing and love. War is nasty; war is fun. War is thrilling; war is drudgery. War makes you a man; war makes you dead." 

 --Tim O'Brien

So a Milie friend of mine had this really heart-breaking photo posted on Facebook and I just had to do some research on it. After finding out all about it, I had to share it.

source

The night before the burial of her husband's body, Katherine Cathey refused to leave the casket, asking to sleep next to his body for the last time. The Marines made a bed for her, tucking in the sheets below the flag. Before she fell asleep, she opened her laptop computer and played songs that reminded her of "Cat," and one of the Marines asked if she wanted them to continue standing watch as she slept. "I think it would be kind of nice if you kept doing it," she said. "I think that's what he would have wanted."

There is an incredible gallery that is a collaboration of photo journalism that was printed back in 2005 and acknowledged and featured in 2006 on Digital Journalist. It's called Final Salute and all of the photos and their back-stories, as well as the piece written all about the photographer Todd Heisler and the reporter he worked with (Jim Sheeler) can be found HERE. I strongly suggest and encourage EVERYONE to go and read these stories and see these photos.

War is real. 

More real than most people recognize it to be. So please, never forget, never push it aside, and never, ever doubt the sacrifices that men and women are making every single day, for YOU.

 source

When 2nd Lt. James Cathey's body arrived at the Reno Airport, Marines climbed into the cargo hold of the plane and draped the flag over his casket as passengers watched the family gather on the tarmac. During the arrival of another Marine's casket last year at Denver International Airport, Major Steve Beck described the scene as one of the most powerful in the process: "See the people in the windows? They'll sit right there in the plane, watching those Marines. You gotta wonder what's going through their minds, knowing that they're on the plane that brought him home," he said. "They're going to remember being on that plane for the rest of their lives. They're going to remember bringing that Marine home. And they should."

source

On the tarmac at the Reno Airport, 23-year-old Katherine Cathey waits in a limousine next to an empty hearse, preparing to watch the arrival of her husband's casket. Five days earlier, she learned of her husband's death in Iraq. Two days later, she learned that her baby would be a boy.