No More Excuses

I'm not fat.
I never have been fat.

I've had ups and downs in weight but never more than 15 lbs and like I said, even then, I wasn't fat.

I was shapes.

In high school I played basketball and danced.
I was in shape, I had fun, but I still had insecurities.

If only I knew that once I turned 17 my metabolism would go on strike and it would be a struggle from then on to stay healthy. Its a sort of vicious cycle, being out of shape and not having a ton of energy to exercise so staying the same and enjoying my carbs, butter, and sweets.

Well after years of making excuses and only having short spurts of being healthy and in shape, I quite literally have NO MORE EXCUSES.

Its a health thing.

Those who know me know about my HHT and after last year my hematologist told me flat out, I HAD to get in shape and start eating a little healthier. Nothing like a bunch of tumors and failing kidneys to scare you into a lifestyle change.

For me, diets and restrictions FAIL.

Forcing myself to stop eating everything I enjoy and making myself eat a bunch of stuff I don't enjoy FAILS.

Every time.

As of right now I've just cut out soda and most caffeine. I mean, come on, I still gotta have my chai! I am having smaller portions about 5-6 times a day rather than snacking my butt off and then eating way too much of an unhealthy thing once a day. It is super tough because I make sure I am on the same schedule as Mr. Superman. If we aren't mostly synced up on being awake and asleep at the same times, we NEVER see each other. We get in bed between 2 and 4 in the morning and are up by Noon at the latest and he takes off for work about two hours later. Its tough to get a good healthy meal in together and once he's gone and its just me and the puppy, I have a hard time finding motivation to eat healthy meals all on my lonesome. Cold cereal, pepperoni's, Ranch Doritos, and Mac & Cheese are always what seems easiest and yummiest to my tummy.

It stops here though.

Thank heavens for Pinterest because I found simple and easy exercises and workouts that I can do at home that will help me get my shapely butt firmed up and bring my six pack back.

And food? I already LOVE oatmeal and Cream of Wheat. I prefer wheat over white and I adore spinach, avocado, lean chicken and tons of fruits and veggies. Its about moderation and smarter choices.

Tonight for example, I was craving sweets and desserts earlier and instead of eating eggnog ice cream out of the carton, I got creative.

I started out by peeling and chopping an apple, opening a bag of frozen raspberries, blueberries, blackberries, mixing some coconut milk with some vanilla, a tablespoon of heavy cream, and about 3 tablespoons of Cream of Wheat. Oats went at the bottom of my bread pan, I put in the apples and berries, poured the coconut milk mixture over them and covered the top with a ton of whole oats that had been mixed with cinnamon and nutmeg. This amaze-balls concoction got baked at 350 for 30 minutes and is now in my BELLY!

So yummy.

Hopefully soon I'll be a little less shapes and a lot more healthy.

What the Censoring Fatty?!

I have a question for you guys. What do you think about Blog Censorship? Do you guys feel like you can be 100 percent upfront, open, and in your face with your blogs or do you edit out things you really do want to say but don't want to offend people or what not? I know that was a major run on question but really, what do you think?

In the past I have not edited anything to make things easy for someone else because this is MY blog.  This is where I vent and journal and feel like I can be me without having to apologize. I have however, toned down the politics quite a bit and I try to be a little more mellow.

Lately, I have been getting numerous anonymous posters talking lots of shiznit about Mr. Superman, his being in the military, my talk of my infertility, and really negative and oft times derogatory comments. Most I don't publish and I don't dignify them with a response but what about you guys? What do you do?

I think that in my Answer post from the Q&A I will answer every question and comment I have gotten just so I can have piece of mind about these idiots. The way I see it is if you want to be a jerk and be completely negative, have the gumption and balls to do so without hiding. Really? You want to talk badly about me and about my life but you aren't brave enough to do it straight forward? Step up for real.

Alright now that that's out there, here is what's been weighing on my mind lately. Ha ha well more like weighing all over me. My weight. I have always been really self conscious and super self critical. Since meeting Mr. Superman, I've felt better about myself and my self perception has improved a bit. There have been a few times where I all of the sudden will gain weight without any changes in my diet or exercise. Usually when I notice, I'll up my activity level and I will drop back down to my normal weight. Now in the last year, I have had a few operations, went through something extremely personal that tore me apart,  have moved 2,000 miles away, started school, and am trying desperately to balance life. A little stress weight is to be expected I think but this is insane.

I am at my ALL TIME HEAVIEST and it has been a huge downer for me. I thought it would be like every other time I lose weight. NEGATORY GOOD BUDDY. I have cut out soda, tried to have smaller portions, drink lots of water, and have worked out for at least an hour every day for the last 2.5 weeks. Guess what? I haven't even lost half a pound. Its getting under my skin so bad. There have been other times I thought I was chunky but I see pictures from then and I just wanna cry because I was so skinny and fit and had a great body. Needless to say I have had a major wake up call and once I get back to my healthy weight, I will be content. Once I am back to my healthy weight, I won't be saying I'm fat because I now realize I wasn't. I guess all I can do is keep working out everyday and pray it starts working soon 'cause 25 el bees is A LOT.

This is me now

This is what I want so desperately to be again.

(Mr. Superman taking a creeper shot)

Thanks for letting me whine a bit. You guys are the best. Happy Thursday! (The beginning of my weekend, yes Sweet Mary!!)

♥ Mrs. S.