I Am So Glad I Live In A World With Octobers (L.M. Montgomery)

October is a tough month for me. It's 31 days of such immense bittersweetness and is an intricate balancing act of enjoying the wonderful, while also allowing myself to feel the pain and grief it all holds. 

Eight years ago, I married the man who saved me. It wasn't a perfect day but it was the start to our lives together and for that, I'm inexplicably grateful. 

Six years ago, I was trying desperately to keep my head above water and figure out how to live life every second after being brutally sexually assaulted. I didn't really believe it was possible and yet, here I still am. 

Five years ago, I was days away from testifying against the person who raped me in an Article 32 Hearing. My husband was 8,000 miles away in Afghanistan and every single day, I lived for those few minutes that I got to see his pixelized face and hear his voice through the static. I didn't care about how imperfect or unclear it all was because in those few minutes, I wasn't having to pretend I was happy or okay, I actually, genuinely was.

Two years ago, on this exact day, I was not only dealing with the regular ups and downs that the month of October holds for me, I was mourning the loss of our fourth Angel Baby whose due date had been October 15th, 2013. They never made it into my arms and I was bitter but I was alive to feel that bitterness, which is a wonderful thing. 

One year ago, I was with the love of my life, driving down the Pacific Coast Highway in Northern California, visiting and exploring some of our favorite beaches. We went completely unplugged for the bulk of the day, enjoyed the radio silence, and gave credence and respect to the day in the most beautiful, peaceful, acknowledging way we could. One month prior, we had lost our baby girl Kay, our fifth Angel Baby who had Trisomy 21. It was our hardest loss yet but we had each other. 

Even through all of the loss and sadness, October still holds a spark of magic for me. There always has been. It's all much more than any words are able to do the feeling justice. The wind brings a newness to the air. It's crisp and sharp but also calming and gentle. Somehow, all of the falling leaves and dying foliage smell sweet and spark the feeling of being alive. These 31 days hold so much nostalgia and wonderment from my childhood and as I've gotten older, have grown to hold a lot of harsh, unexpected cruelty. It seems odd to long for this time of year when I know exactly what memories and emotions I'll be flooded with and yet, every single year, I do just that. It's irreconcilable but also, not. 

I don't believe October will ever become easy for me nor will it ever lose its magic. It's something that like all other things in life, will always require balance. There is no good without bad, no joy without sadness and no strength without pain and suffering. Without experiencing terrible loss and loneliness and isolation, it wouldn't be possible for me to feel the Heaven that is the love in my life.

Every October there is one day set apart from all the others where I feel the bereavement more keenly while at the same time, feeling more bolstered and supported. It's another balancing act that is hard to get a firm understanding of but nevertheless, is.

I miss every single one of my babies with all that I am. There isn't a second that ticks by that I don't long for them and feel the immeasurable emptiness each one of them has left in my heart. Each day, I wonder about who they would have been and every day, I love them with my Mama's broken heart. Every October 15th, I feel and experience and exist in this reality on a deeper level than any other day. Why? I don't quite know. Perhaps it's the fact that there are countless others feeling, experiencing, and existing in this same reality on this same deeper level, and ACKNOWLEDGING it.

Another year has dragged on and flown by. Once again, it's National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. Please take a moment to send up a prayer and put out some light for every Baby lost too soon, every Father who didn't get to see their child grow up, and every Mother who has lost a piece of her heart. You may think it doesn't affect you or that it doesn't matter but you'd be wrong. 1 in 4 women have suffered through this horror, a lot of them in silence. That means that 25% of the women surrounding you, know all too intimately the excruciating pain of losing a child.

It does matter.

1 in 4 isn't just a statistic though.

1 in 4 is the WOMAN next to you in line.
1 in 4 is your AUNT.
1 in 4 is your COWORKER.
1 in 4 is your NEIGHBOR.
1 in 4 is your SISTER.
1 in 4 is ME.

Another Phone Call

Life.

It happens.

Until a few years ago, I never really knew what that meant.

I thought I knew. I thought I knew what it meant, what it felt like, what it was.

I didn't.
I do now though.
Boy, do I know.

And if there was ever any doubt, I'm constantly reminded. Most of the time, it's me who reminds me but yesterday it happened to come courtesy of a phone call from a certain Air Force Captain. The same Air Force Captain who has been on the other end of several phone calls that reminded me of it.

Life.

Three years and 14 days ago, it happened.

Pain.
Terror.
Humiliation.
Guilt.
Rape.
Life.

Life happened.

It's nowhere near anything I ever thought would be a part of my life but on October 4, 2009 it happened and it is now very much a part of my life.

About eight months after it happened, I received a phone call from the JAX (AF Legal) Captain notifying me that the civilian court in Texas had declined to prosecute. The District Attorney had taken my case before a Grand Jury and despite all of the evidence against him, they returned a No Bill on my attacker. The DA had pulled the Grand Jury and discovered that there were three men who could not and would not be swayed of their opinions. To them, my swollen and bruised neck, the petechiae in my eyes from being choked and suffocated, the bruises in the shape of his hands on my arms and legs, the scratches on my back from his dirty fingernails, the bump on the back of my head were all indicators that I liked rough sex. They had no problem saying that in their minds, this was a case of a young military wife who cheated on her husband and regretted it so she cried rape. There was no indictment issued and he was then free to continue on to the base listed on the orders that had been put on pause when the investigation had begun. He was free as a bird and when he got to Little Rock AFB and his file landed on the Commander's desk, I got this phone call telling me everything.

In a phone call, it happened. Life. Again. In that phone call I felt all of that pain and terror and humiliation again.

The beginning of September 2010 brought another phone call. This one was to tell me that the Commander wanted to go forward within the military justice system and convene an Article 32 hearing.

In a phone call, it happened. Life. Again. In that phone call I felt hope. Life isn't always bad and I was reminded of that.

A week later Mr. Superman got a phone call. He was being deployed in two weeks.

In a phone call, it happened. Life. Military life. Again. I felt what I imagine to be the absolutely normal yet no less frightening rush of emotions that any military significant other feels when they hear those words. THE words. I'm deploying. A split-second later however my heart jumped into my throat and my head started to spin because yet again, I was facing the possibility of facing my attacker alone. All of these thoughts, and feelings, and fears overwhelmed me in a matter of seconds.... all because of a phone call. Again.

By the end of September my husband was gone and I was living with family in Arizona. The day marking a year since my attack was full of writing depositions, answering questions from lawyers, and praying I got to talk to Mr. Superman who was 8,000 miles away.

October 19, 2010 was our three year wedding anniversary. It was also the day of the Article 32 hearing. I was berated with questions from all sides. The Prosecution walked me through every single second of that night. THE night. The night it happened.

Pain.
Terror.
Humiliation.
Guilt.
Rape.
Life.

I answered the same questions I'd been asked by so many people, so many times. Then I did it all over again  with the Defense team. I was slandered. Embarrassed, mortified, terrified, frustrated, exasperated, upset, angry.... these don't even begin to cover what I was feeling. I did it all a third time with the Judge Advocate. Each time I had to use clinical terms and explicit detail sparing nothing. Three times. A few hours later it happened. Life. I had gone to an Urgent Care because of pain I'd been dealing with. It was a miscarriage. Our third angel baby was gone. I was numb by this point except for a tiny spark of feeling in my heart when the realization hit that I was going to have to tell my husband.

And just like that it would happen again. Life. Shock and sadness would follow the news I gave my husband. He would be reminded that life happens. No matter what, it happens. There's no stopping it. Even though it was our anniversary and despite him being 8,000 miles away in an active and dangerous war zone, the words I'd say to him would reaffirm the bitter truth of life. All because of a phone call.

It didn't take long before my phone was ringing and the caller I.D. showed it was the AF Captain. I didn't answer it. I couldn't. I couldn't bring myself to face another phone call that would jar me back to the reality of it all. Life. I was sitting in a nail salon with my sister and we both had our feet soaking in mini-jacuzzi tubs. I was going to be flying to Salt Lake City the next day to spend Thanksgiving with Mr. Superman's family and was looking forward to a week of escaping reality. A few minutes after the missed phone call my phone buzzed to let me know I had a voice mail from the Captain. I ignored it. I don't know how many hours it took or if it took a few days but when I finally braced myself and put the phone to my ear, I wasn't prepared for what I heard.

"Everything has been dismissed. The Judge Advocate didn't feel there was enough to take it any further. As far as his civilian record goes, there is none. His military file shows that while he attended Tech School he was questioned about a SARC case but nothing more. Your request for an extension of the Do Not Contact order or a civilian Restraining Order have both been denied since everything has been dismissed and its now as if none of the investigation or incident ever occurred."

It happened. With an ignored phone call and a voice mail I was reminded of the cruelty and unfairness of life. Regardless of what we do or don't do, life happens. It always happens.

The last couple of years have been full of ups and downs when it comes to how I've dealt with and coped with being raped and subsequently having my rapist exonerated twice. There have been days where I felt strong and brave and as if I could see him on the street and be okay. There have been days where I felt like curling up in a ball and crying until my eyes were swollen and my head ached. I've lost count of how many days I have done just that.

Yesterday I was at work when it happened. Life. I was surrounded by a few coworkers and nine 3 year-olds singing fun songs when my phone began to buzz. Normally, I don't have my phone in my pocket while at work but we had just returned from a field trip and I had taken it with me to take pictures of all the kids. I took it out of my pocket to hit ignore but my heart stopped when I saw the phone number. When I got my iPhone, I never transferred numbers over so even though it didn't have the AF Captain's name on the caller I.D. I knew it was him. I'll always know who it is when a 501 area code is flashing on my phone screen. I jumped up and mumbled that I had to take the phone call. I ducked into a small room/closet at the back of our classroom and with shaking hands answered my phone.

In that instant it happened. Life. I heard the familiar voice of the Captain and could tell what he was going to say wasn't going to be good news. About ten minutes later I hung up the phone while furiously wiping my eyes and hoping none of the kids would see me crying. I stepped out and ran to the bathroom where I kept telling myself that no matter what, I had to pull it together and push it all aside. Life.

Here I am 3 years later and because of a phone call I got yesterday I feel just as raw and bruised and angry and terrified and embarrassed as I was the night I was raped.

Raping me wasn't enough.

Choking and suffocating me until blood vessels burst in my eyes and I nearly passed out wasn't enough.

Raping me again wasn't enough.

Slamming my head into a concrete wall wasn't enough.

Bruising, restraining, and hitting me weren't enough.

Slandering and humiliating me weren't enough.

Making sure I felt like I wasn't worth anything wasn't enough.

Getting to walk away free, twice, with no consequences and as if he didn't nearly kill me wasn't enough.

This person who took something away from me with no repercussions now has FIVE different attorneys assembling against me and looking for me so they can serve me with papers to let me know he is now suing me for defamation.

The Captain was calling me to let me know. Even though he was legally not supposed to contact me again after everything was dismissed, he did. And just like that, with a phone call this Air Force Captain reminded me that it happens.

Life.

No matter how many times we have been knocked down or disappointed, it happens. In spite of how we choose to deal with the past, it happens. Regardless of how good we are doing in our lives and how happy we are feeling, it happens. There is never any slowing it down or stopping it in its tracks.

Life.

It always happens.

He Still Gets Me

Once upon a time there was this poor little blog. Its blogger was a total slacker and it often sat for weeks with no new posts.

Yeah, yeah that's me.
Slacker status over here.

Here I am once again about to blog about superficial, mundane, surface stuff. Its all I can do right now which I think is good enough. 

Our new life here is insane.
It's different but we are still so unsettled we haven't even been able to to have everything sink in yet.

Even though we got here in July and had the keys to our apartment about a week later, we didn't start living here at our apartment until two weeks ago. My in-laws went out of the country and we house sat for them. We were finally able to move into (as in actually start sleeping at) our place the night before I started work. Yeah, crazy timing I know. I got hired on at my job about 10 days after we got here but since its a State job I wasn't officially in the computer systems until much later, delaying my start date.

So we have been living here in our tiny little Salt Lake City apartment but I still have boxes full of stuff, our balcony is full of boxes we no longer have a garage for, there is tape on walls waiting to be painted, furniture half-way refinished, bags full of clothes and things needing to be sent to D.I. (Utah's version of Goodwill), and everything is a MESS.

Here's a few pictures though.

The first wall I got fully completed. Right behind our sectional!

Our tiny hallway is halfway finished. One side has the chevron painted while the other is just taped off. 

This is the before, during, and after of my 4$ D.I. find! My new desk chair!

That fabulous fabric? Totally scored that from my MIL's craft room and she scored it from Colorado like 15 years ago. LOVE it!

Now this is directly across from our sectional. That's the dresser Mr. Superman got me for my birthday this year and I LOVED refinishing it. I did a mini-makeover on that lamp and I still love it but I just didn't like it in that corner. I'm really trying to have balance between all of my bright, colorful decor and my vintage, antique, eclectic pieces. I'm also having to just do what I can with what I already have. The lamp I have there now is a lamp we got five years ago for our wedding. It has modern lines Mr. Superman loves (the opposite type of design I'm into) but I like it a lot more now. I just taped it off and did a coat of paint I already had. Voila!

This ugly wicker chest of drawers? I've had it for 6 1/2 years. When I went away to college I inherited all sorts of ugly, unwanted, really old furniture from people. This, I think, came from my SIL's grandma. I've kept it around for years with every single move just because it was great for storing things. I decided to throw some of the same yellow paint I used for the lamp shade on it and it's now residing in the corner by our desk. Eh, it'll do for now.

Our bedroom is my labor of love. I didn't redesign anything from what I had in Georgia because I already love it so much. It's got a vintage/antique French theme going on. The square footage of the master bedroom here is SO much smaller than the square footage in Georgia so its been a little tricky. It's still very much an ongoing project and I have yet to finish painting the edges and refinishing the antique vanity I scored almost two years ago but I will. Someday, it'll all be done and perfect.

So that's it so far. I have SO much left to do including finishing everything that is only half done AND all of the stuff I haven't even started. I've got the guest bedroom, both bathrooms, the kitchen, and the laundry room/closet. After all of that I have a giant list of little things like replacing all of the door hardware, outlet and light switch covers, installing shelving into the closets, stenciling and painting the inside of the closets, replacing the light fixtures, installing custom molding around the bathroom mirrors...

I could go on and on but instead, I'll wrap it up.

I just had to share this last picture.
Every Thursday I get to see Mr. Superman in ABU's and guess what?
It still gets me.

Everything in our lives has changed.
Everything is different.
We moved.
He got discharged.
I'm working.
Our puppy lives with my MIL.

Everything has changed except once a week, I get to see something that makes my heart smile and gives me the reminder of why we are doing all of this. It reminds me that in three years we will once again be an Active Duty family. Every week I get to see my Loverface in uniform and it still gets me.

He still gets me.
Right now, that's enough.

The One Where I Have No Shame

Remember when I told you about getting my wisdom teeth out?

Well despite me threatening his life if he did so, he recorded my aftermath.

And its epic.
And mortifying.
And HYSTERICAL!
Watch it.
No seriously.
Every second is like a bad car crash you can't look away from.

Feel free to share with all your friends.
Tweet, embed, whatever.
Spread the smiles and giggles.

Choices.

Do you think there are ever moments in our lives where if we had done just one thing different, no matter how small, we wouldn't be where we are today?

Think about that.

Now do you believe that our lives are on the courses they're on because that's the way its always been planned? Maybe not destiny per say, but regardless of the decisions we've made, we are exactly where we're supposed to be? Even if we had taken the left fork of the road instead of the right, we'd still end up in the same place?

I've always had the mantra of "No Regrets!" because without every single one of the decisions and choices I've made, the people I've let into my life, I wouldn't be the person that I am right now. I've also been raised with the belief that our lives, our families, every obstacle that is thrown in our way, was CHOSEN by us, for us before we came down here to do the whole Earth thing.
 
I chose to lose my babies?
I chose to be raped?
I chose to not be able to have kids?

Most of the time, that is REALLY hard for me to reconcile myself to but I think deep down, I still believe it.

Back in the summer of 2009, Mr. Superman was gone at BMT and I was living with my parents in Arizona. I ended up having surgery and getting my gall bladder and appendix removed about 3 weeks before I was to drive the 17.5 hours from Gilbert, AZ to San Antonio, TX to attend his BMT graduation. While living with my parents and confined to the couch, I tried to acquaint myself with the military world. I read everything I could, blogged about my end of the BMT experience and posted his letters, discovered military blogs, joined military spouse forums and found a military spouse Facebook group that allowed you to connect with the significant others of the people that were also at BMT and would be graduating the same time as your loved one.

After weeding out the whiners and crazies, or so I thought, I began regular correspondence with 4 military wives whose spouses were going through BMT at the same time as Mr. Superman and who would all be graduating the same weekend as him. It was a HUGE relief to be able to talk with other wives that were going through all of the same emotions as I was and as his graduation drew closer, I got more and more excited to not only see my husband but to also meet these girls who seemed so nice and who had made this experience a tad easier.

Now at this time, I had never even heard any of the stereotypes regarding military wives and tales of infidelity, contract marriages, drama llamas and I had NO idea what a tag chaser was.

My good friend guest blogged for me a while back and actually inconspicuously shared her thoughts about this very thing. Drama Llamas and the very people involved in this story which you can read HERE. She says it perfectly. As new spouses to the military lifestyle, you develop friendships and trust very quickly despite the oft times shallow and superficial nature of the people in the relationship. 

Oh naivety. 

I think I just automatically assumed that other women going through this huge lifestyle change and transition just like me, would be sweet, kind, and full of pride and love for their husbands. Little did I know that one of these women would soon be a part of the most horrendous thing that has ever happened to me.

I made the long drive to San Antonio with a friend and the few days spent there were so much fun. Seeing Mr. Superman at the Airman's Run was a shock. That crazy kid had lost 35lbs and 4 1/2 inches off his waist! Watching his flight at the Coin Retreat Ceremony was the first time I experienced that overwhelming pride inside my chest. The sting of tears in my eyes, my heart beating and racing so fast I thought everyone around me could hear it, the smile so huge my face hurt. I've felt that same pride innumerable times since then and it has got to be one of the most incredible things that comes with this military lifestyle that I am SO grateful for. Being able to come down from the stands and search for my man was chaotic but the minute I saw him and got that first tight hug, everyone and everything disappeared.

In the course of all of the events that weekend, I was able to meet up with two of the four wives I had been corresponding with and it just so happened that one of them had a husband who was in Mr. Superman's Brother Flight. She was a bit young but seemed to love her husband and told me she couldn't stand to be away from her husband for another 3 months while he attended Tech School in Wichita Falls, TX so she was renting an apartment down there. I was a bit envious so without giving it a second thought, I jumped at her invitation to pay half the rent and come down there too.

See Mr. Superman every weekday for an hour or two and longer every weekend? Yes please! Plans were made for this girl to drive down to Wichita Falls and leave her belongings and car with a friend, get on a flight to Arizona where I would pick her up and she would drive with me from Arizona to where our husbands were. She made a point to let me know flying was never an issue because her mom was a flight attendant. Nice! After driving the 17.5 hours from Lackland AFB back to my parents house in Arizona, I packed everything up, picked up this new friend from the airport, loaded my car, and began the 24 hour drive to Shepard AFB.

Looking back now at my choices leading up to me being in Wichita Falls, TX on October 4, 2009, I view everything differently. Every single conversation, every single thought and nagging feeling. Certain things seem so clear and obvious now while others, I don't know if I'll ever truly understand. I told you that I have a hard time reconciling myself to the belief that before I left God, I chose to live this life I'm living. The hurdles placed in my path, the hardships I've faced, and the heartache I've felt... I chose all of it. Regardless of what you or I believe, none of us has the power to hit the rewind button or the delete button. The things that have happened to us, the things we have done, the years that we have behind us, they happened, they were, and that fact won't all of the sudden cease to be.

I was naive.
I was betrayed.
I was raped.
I was choked nearly to death.
I was humiliated.


“But the past cannot be changed, and we carry our choices with us, forward, into the unknown. We can only move on.”
― Libba Bray, The Sweet Far Thing

To read the other posts where I open up about my attack, they can be found on my 'I Am A Rape Survivor' page. 

How To Be The Perfect Wife

Him: Do you want to sort laundry before I go to the Post Office?
Me: Did you seriously just ask me if I wanted to sort laundry?

SILENCE

Him: Do you want to know why I just asked that?
Me: Hmm...
Him: Do you know how I know it needs to get done?

SILENCE

Him: Do you know what I wore to work yesterday?

SILENCE

Me: What?
Him: I had to wear an ABU top with A1C stripes on it. (He hasn't been an A1C for 6 months)
Me: Epic fail.
Him: Not on my part! Go sort laundry.
Me: Yes sir. In five minutes.

Sometimes I'm terrible at the whole domestic thing. I guess I just need to keep reminding myself of this.

Bahahaha!
Yeah right.

Whatever Makes You Feel Better

We all say things to ourselves to make things seem better or sound better than they really are.

Big things. Small things.
Things that we feel are important but we downgrade them so we can move on.

We rationalize.
We barter.
We halfheartedly tell ourselves that we're okay as long as (fill in the blank).

Its a part of human nature I suppose.

On Tuesday I was drinking a Snapple and I had one of these moments.
The lid held a revelation.
Kind of.

"The average sea turtle is unable to begin reproducing until the age of 25."

I told Mr. Superman, "I guess I have another 6 months before I should let it get to me. Just call me sea turtle."

My heart's not convinced.
Whatever makes me feel better right?

Happy Hearts Day!

I'm not a big fan of Valentine's Day.
Its not because I was bitter growing up without a boyfriend
or because I hate chocolates and lovey dovey crap.
Truth is I wasn't bitter growing up,
at least not about lack of boyfriends and
I most certainly do not hate chocolates or lovey dovey crap.

Last year, I participated in the amazing Riding The Roller Coaster's Valentine's Day Blog Swap and wrote all about how I feel about this day on Mrs. Muffins blog and also shared this little gem. I thought I'd re-share what I wrote then and adapted for this year, because it still applies.

When contemplating what kind of Valentine’s themed post I’d be writing up, I continued to draw blanks over and over and over again. I’m one of those girls, who growing up, only cared about getting the candy and the one or two Looney Toons or Batman Valentine’s cards from her crushes. All the others would get the candy or stickers detached from them and the valentine itself would get chucked in the garbage bin. I was the girl who woke up to find a cute pink cup with hearts on it, stuffed to the brim with message candy hearts and a card from my parents, every year. 

I was also the girl, who as she got older, started to care less and less about Valentine’s Day because it was so over saturated and completely commercialized. Not to mention that when I was dating age and had boyfriend’s, I got flowers and gifts all the time so Valentine’s Day just wasn’t anything too special.

Now that I’m a married woman, and have been for a few years, nothing much has changed. Mr. Superman and I have been together for over five years and I can honestly say that I don’t remember much of our Valentine’s Day’s as a couple. In fact, last Friday as he was getting himself all ABU'ed up to go to work, we had this conversation.

Him: I still don't know what to get you for Valentine's Day.
Me: I told you, I don't need anything. If you insist, just get me some macaroons. Actually never mind, I can't have macaroons, order me some AS chalk paint. I want to paint the antique vanity with it.
Him: Alright, get me prices.
Me: Ok. Its not like you're going to be here anyways. You'll be on 14 hour shifts that whole week.
Him: Sorry about that, maybe you'll get lucky and I'll take you on a date that weekend.
Me: If its a choice between the date and the AS chalk paint, I'll take the chalk paint.
Him: I don't even remember any of our Valentine's Days. Well, I remember that one where I surprised you and came home early.
Me: Yeah we were dating then. You drove down from school to surprise me but after we had dinner, we ended up babysitting your sisters all night.
Him: I think I purposely blocked that part out. The next year...
Me: We were married and--
Him: Broke.
Me: And the next year we were in Utah and--
Him: Super broke.
Me: And both of us had just gotten laid off.
Him: The next year we were poor but not broke.
Me: Yeah that was our first year in Georgia and last year you were gone.
Him: And we were still poor, just from 8,000 miles apart.
Me: And this year... We're still poor and won't see each other.

SILENCE

Me: You know, we don't really do Valentine's Day very well but we sure know how to do "poor".
Him: And "broke". Sorry but we have at least 3 more years of poor.
Me: Please, you know I don't care at all. Just get me some paint or a new Dremel attachment and I'm happy.

He and I do a pretty good job the rest of the year, showing our love for each other and spoiling one another with the occasional gift, night out, and unexpected surprises. Last year, I sent him a box to Afghan Land full of cards he could open when he "Needed a Hug", "Wanted a Laugh", was "Missing Me Most", and when he had "Had a Rough Day." The box also had conversation hearts because he loves them along with Bottle Caps, Hershey’s Cookies & Cream Hugs, and a slew of other really bad for him goodies. For his part, I received a beautiful bouquet of flowers, some body wash, bubble bath, bath salts, and chocolates.

If he hadn’t been deployed and if I hadn’t been living in Arizona away from our military life in Georgia, none of this would have taken place because to us, its unnecessary. We love each other mucho mucho, there’s no doubt, but we also both know that our money can be better spent and for us, we don’t need a specific day to spoil each other or say, "I love you" a million and one times. We do that every other day of the year. 

We definitely plan on doing as my parents did and making it a day of "show your love and appreciation to those around you" and probably give our kids some treats, but other than that, it’ll be just another day in the Superman household.  

When I hear people stressing out about whether or not their significant other is going to get them this or send them that, I chuckle and shake my head. When I read on Facebook about how someone loathes this day of love because they have ‘nobody special’, I think its a shame. For me, its just another day and investing so much time, energy, and emotion into it seems a little ludicrous but more power to anyone who thinks otherwise. 

For us, its not "Happy Valentine’s Day!" its, "Valentine’s Schmalentine’s, I love you enough every other day of the year. We don’t need images of a short, fat, winged man in a toga carrying a bow and heart shaped arrows to remind us of what we mean to one another."


I'm still waiting on that AS chalk paint Lovelies and as for Mr. Superman... I got him new running shoes two weeks ago. It was more of a "You need running shoes so let's get them and they'll be your Valentine's gift" thing more than anything else so there you have it.

What about you Lovelies, how do you feel about Valentine's Day? Do you go all out or just ignore it?

The Keys to Our Christmases

Hey there Lovelies!!! I just wanted to pop in and say hello and Merry Christmas!

Every Christmas that Mr. Superman and I have been together have differed quite a lot from one another and it got me thinking the other night, about the little things that make each holiday season 'work' for us. Yes, there are the feelings of good cheer, happiness, sharing love all around, the gift of giving and all that but what is it really, dynamically, that works for us?

We haven't always been in the same state or even country and continent for that matter. We have never been in the same house for two consecutive Christmases and they are always spent with different people. It got me thinking more about what little traditions we have that we are able to take with us wherever we may be that help us to have a little bit of our home life with us during the holidays.

For the 2011 MilSpouse Holiday Blog Swap, I made a vlog where I shared some of our traditions and things we have been able to instill in our little family that help us make memories every year.

This year, we are spending Christmas in Utah with Mr. Superman's family and even though it may seem like a small thing, we brought along our own stockings to have a little piece of home with us. We also have traditions with Mr. Superman's family that we are able to actually participate in this year.

I think for us, no matter where we are or what we may be doing, the little traditions and things we can take with us and the memories in our hearts are a big part of what makes each Christmas so special.

Um... So We Went On Vacation 4 Months Ago

And I'm finally going to share. Give me a break, I had tumahs all over.

Mr. Superman got home in the last days of March from deployment and we knew we wanted to take some time off from our lives here in GA not only to relax and see loved ones, but to FINALLY reconnect as a couple. Anyone who's gone through military separations (especially deployments) know how very vital this is. We decided we wanted to wait until Summertime so we could be gone longer and see more family since everyone would be out of school no matter what state they were in. He seriously had to submit his leave time shortly after getting to Afghanistan when it was still 10 months away. Its like pulling teeth to get leave with his shop and supervisors and get it approved by command... I digress.

After packing meticulously for a 3 week, 3 states, 3 different weather situations vacation, and then weighing said luggage a buttload of times to make sure we weren't over the weight limit, we were on our way!

We flew from Valdosta to Atlanta to Salt Lake City where his parents and sisters live. It had been over 18 months since any family had seen him except his parents and sister Katie. That first night some cousins, an aunt and uncle, and his nana came over to his parents to see him and hang out a bit. We had plans to go to dinner and a movie with The Annoyed Army Wife and OccDoc before taking off to Newport Beach, CA but that week was actually the beginning of my tumors and sickness getting really bad. I was bummed but they totally understood and we have tentative plans to get together at Christmas time!

We spent a couple days in Utah before heading to Newport Beach for a week at his grandparents timeshare. His parents and two sisters were in one car and they were kind enough to let us drive their Jeep as our vehicle while away from GA. Katie roadtripped with us and after getting through the horrendous traffic in Vegas, which actually ended up being bad all the way to California, we got to our villa, unloaded, and headed straight for the pool.

We absolutely LOVE California. We have all of our favorite food spots, beaches, and drives we always take. Its seriously our favorite place to vacation. A couple years ago, we were there with all of his mom's family at the timeshares and we stuck to our usual spots that we had always spent our time at in the past. We have always loved Huntington Beach and the main pier where we always go and dine at Ruby's, the ginormous mall directly across the street from Huntington Pier was always a must, and of course all of our favorite shops and snacks over at Balboa Island and The Fun Zone. We spent all of our beach time at Huntington where the crowds are INSANE but its what we liked. THIS trip though, revealed how much we've changed.

We hit up our normal spots but after traipsing through crowds, meandering our way through practically standing room only stores and shops, we were done. Well, after hitting up the pier and Ruby's. Katie joined us.

We ended up spending what turned out to be our relaxing free time, at state beaches, long drives on parts of the coast we hadn't seen, lots of time in downtown Laguna, and taking it easy at the resort. Mr. Superman also HAD to get his Panda Express fix after 2 years of living in a place that doesn't have it.

We loved hanging out at Crystal Cove State Beach and the incredible views. There was also a flock of Alfred Hitchcock'ish seagulls that didn't move. At all. No matter how close people got, they just stood, unmoving, staring straight out. For hours.

We went whale watching which we both have always wanted to do but in the past, I couldn't because I get so, so, SO seasick. Well, I got motion sickness patches from my doctor long before going out of town and that morning I did two patches and two Dramamine and was able to not puke. I still felt sick, but I was able to enjoy myself enough. Mr. Superman's family found out we had booked us for whale watching and decided to come along too.

We spent lots of time at Balboa Island window shopping boutiques, watching the surf, and eating. We HAD to get our favorite pizza from this tiny little, insanely cheap for insanely huge pizza slice shop and Mr. Superman wouldn't be the typical man without sneakily taking photos of me eating a chocolate covered banana. Dirty man.

We took Mr. Superman's sister Katie to Sea World in San Diego for her high school graduation gift and had a blast! We loved seeing Shamu (and all the other Shamu's?), the penguins, sharks, stuffing our faces, watching the dolphins, and illegally petting baby Nemo's. I am NOT ashamed.

Mr. Superman thoroughly enjoyed drooling over multimillion dollar yachts and me over classic muscle cars. I know, I know... Dream big.

We went to the midnight showing of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 and despite HATING midnight showings, really enjoyed it. Thanks Katie for making us go!

Our last night there before traveling to Arizona, Mr. Superman took me out to downtown Laguna Beach. We ate incredible food from this AMAZING restaurant called Asada. It was hands down, no bars hold, the BEST food I have ever eaten in my life. It was gourmet so a little more expensive but so so so worth it. Both of us could not stop saying how incredible everything tasted and even though our waiter was REALLY hard to understand, he was awesome. The menu is in Spanish but we know enough that we ordered no trouble. When we got our bill, I told our waiter how amazing it was and he said, "Kobe Bryant is here all the time. You ordered what he always orders, it is his favorite, that is why you liked it so much!" I assured him I have zero love for Kobe Bryant and he said, "Is because you are not from California!" No dude, that is not why I don't like him. Anyway, it was incredible and we seriously talk about it and crave it all the time. Afterwards we walked around, found some boutiques, a crazy candy store, listened to some great street musicians, stumbled upon a PHENOMENAL art gallery, and ended it all with ice cream.

Overall, California was the perfect escape from the real world we wanted and needed. We relaxed and enjoyed being unplugged, seeing and spending time with family, and to top it off, California was REALLY good to my curls.