6.20.2011

I'm Not Back Yet, But...

People are driving me crazy. 
Have you ever attempted to be the bigger person but the more you try, it seems like people all over the place get more annoying, more insensitive, and the act itself gets seemingly more impossible?
I have.
Geeze I have. 
I wish I could just tell people exactly what I think of them, exactly what I feel, and exactly how WRONG they are without repercussions.
 
This has become my mantra and I so WISH I could walk around with this on a small portable billboard that runs on a constant loop. The more annoying or hurtful or ignorant the person is, the bigger and brighter this would flash.
Don't confuse silence with apathy or seemingly prevalent loneliness with the purposeful suppression of thoughts and feelings in an attempt to spare someone else's emotions.
Other times I wanna say, "Eff being the bigger person" and go and do what benefits me. Its almost an ever-constant tug-o-war. I have to keep myself in check, exercise epic self-control and make positive use of all my energy in moving onward and forward. The more space that there is between us and the dummies past, the better. 
Despite wanting to oft times throw ourselves on the ground, kick and scream, and then once once we are emotionally exhausted, just curl up in the fetal position and wait for the world to change, we must face the music. I don't know if you know this or not, but change doesn't just skip along and figure your life out for you.  Its about you putting your feelings on the back burner, sucking it up, and being the type of person this world so desperately needs more of. Rather than arguing back and wasting your energy on petty little things, focus on the words, thoughts, and emotions that will help you and even if it doesn't seem possible, the person that's making you turn into a crazy white girl who's about to open a big ol' can of wh...
Despite an almost instinctual reaction, we as humans need to sincerely think about what has been said or what we wish to say. Is any of it worth losing friends, hurting family, and losing ourselves to the compromise of what we know we SHOULD do? 95% of the time, you unknowingly become a self-deprecating pawn in the hands of negativity and pessimism.
 
Once I'm able to move far enough away from a certain person or a hurtful thing that may have been said, I'm able to start forgiving. Its funny really because forgiveness definitely isn't about another person. The act of forgiveness is solely and perpetually about US

8 comments:

Mrs. H said...

You poor thing :(
As easy it is to say swallow your pride and keep your head high, it TRULY isn't.

But you're right; it's about how you react which is the grown up thing to do.

Just scream into a pillow. You'll feel better :)

Team Mama said...

Well, hopefully it's not us making you crazy and hopefully a week at the beach will help calm the crazy emotions somewhat! Looking forward to seeing you soon! <3

Jen said...

I completely agree with what Mrs. H said. It is always easier said than done.

addicted2shius said...

Hah story of my freaking life right now! I feel you soooooooooo bad. And really it takes so much out of me to not want to seek my own revenge. But rising above truly is the ultimate revenge. Rising above and letting go, not letting the pettiness affect you is more annoying than anything else. It drives people crazy when you no longer care. It's easier said than done of course, but every day we should focus on the good rather than the bad. Cuz despite how horrible crap is there is still so much good in our lives. And so much more good that can await us if we allow it. It's all about mindset. But I'm in the same boat as you...praying and hoping and wishing for the best for us both :) Love you my sweets!

Wife on the Roller Coaster said...

Hmmm, I hope everything is ok. And I agree with Mrs. H too. :)

A Creed and A Psalm said...

Isn't it funny that it's always what you WANT to do that is most difficult not to do (like reach out and grab that donut that's staring at me right now) lol! Hope things turn around for you and things start going better!!

Mrs. S said...

I don't know if you're reading comments right now, but I wanted to tell you that I've been thinking about you. I hope all is OK <3

No Model Lady said...

I so know what you mean. There's a person who tries to spread lies about me and unfortunately, some people buy it. It makes me want to tell everyone the truth. Unearth all the evidence I have that proves who the party at fault was. Every time someone comes to me with a new lie it makes my blood boil. I want to defend myself and try to make people understand how conniving this person is, but it would just make me look petty and would give them too much satisfaction knowing that I am still bothered by their actions. It's hard to be the bigger person when it feels like they're not letting you move on, but I remind myself that it all boils down to unhappiness in their life. It sucks, but eventually they'll get tired of your lack of response and move on.