Dear Loverface: Just A Few Things

You're in the military.
You're also currently gone.

These two things add up to one very simple, inevitable, and highly unfortunate fact.

Murphy moved in.

You know...? The annoying, trouble-causing boyfriend all of us military spouses have move in the minute our Loverface's leave.

Murphy the Douchebag. 

If you were deployed, I'd be sure to not mention any of Murphy's antics so you could focus on your mission and staying safe but since we haven't talked or directly communicated since the day you left, I feel no guilt or worry about sharing it all here.

While chopping bell peppers two days after you left, I dropped the knife. It landed directly in the top of my left foot and stood straight up, sticking out of the top before falling over to the side.

Don't worry! I cleaned up the blood and it didn't stain anything. And it doesn't hurt anymore. 

My car got a big scratch down its side by some douche-hole who didn't leave a note. I think that makes 17 times my baby has gotten hit, dinged, and scratched by some elusive, terrible driver who feels no responsibility at all for damaging other people's property. 

I had yet another friend pass away and I couldn't attend the funeral. I'm proud of how well I handled it and kept it together. 

That strict budget and lecture you gave me took a pretty big hit. Now before you go all, "Woman, what did I tell you?!" on me, read on.

Jane Austen ran out of food and they no longer make her kind so I had to buy something new. Incidentally, they were out of every size except the jumbo one. Good news is she's set for a while. Yay!

My car needed an oil change and a new air filter. 

I have been eating pretty healthy since the day you left. That means lots of produce and organic food which isn't cheap. Guess what though! I'm down five pounds! BOOM!

I had two baby showers to attend and the lingerie shower I threw. All of that was more expensive that I thought. I did have fun though which brought my stress level down on that issue. 

Outside of all things financial, Murphy has messed with me so thoroughly I've just begun to throw up my hands and go on.

I woke up a week ago after the long Memorial Day weekend, insanely sick out of nowhere. I was pretty irritated because I hadn't been around any sick people or any of the kids at work in like 5 days. I guess me having that whole auto immune blood disease thing joined up with Murphy and decided it had been too long sick I'd been sick. I'm still uber sick and my lungs are pretty full. Yuck! It was totally ironic and true to our form that you somehow knew. I got a letter where you talked about my health and how much it worries you. You sent it off a day after I got sick. Two days after that my uterus and ovaries declared war on me so between that and my lungs, I had to miss 5 days of working out which really disappointed me.

I had to completely disassemble and clean the vacuum twice in one day just to get one room clean.

A giant bee somehow got inside and made its way down the hall, into the guest room, and decided to hang out on the bed.

My bum knee? I twisted it really bad. How did it happen? I was working out and rolled my ankle inwards which made my knee buckle and twist. Nice right? I did drag my butt down to your moms basement and between her, I, and Cass, we got to the box that held all of our knee braces. 

So here we are, a mere 18 days after I walked away from you in the SLC Airport and Murphy is winning. 

I'm hoping he quits soon.

I miss you boo.