Too Bad One Wasn't A Teratoma

Oh my dearest Lovelies, my dreams have been dashed all to bits!
Last week, I received some news.
Some very shocking, unexpected, nearly unbelievable news.

I went in for my incredibly fun, annual scans to check on my tumors rumtos.
My normal dude wasn't there. Boo.

Helga the Horrible (sporting the non-Brooke Shields unibrow) would not be swayed on telling me anything.

ZILCH.ZIP.NADA.BUTKUS.

She must not have been told how things work around there.
I show up, get my scans, make everyone laugh with my incredibly witty wit, and get sneak preview on what the doctor is going to tell me the next day.

Nix the rules.
They are my bladder, kidney, and thyroid gland tumors rumtos, not Helga the Horrible's!
Who is she to make ME, the super Mrs. S. with all my witty wit, wait?
Where was the justice?!
It must have been on a smoke break or something because even when I offered to tweeze her brow for her, she was not impressed.

Maybe I should have offered to take her for a wax?

Either way, that yatch wasn't giving in so I was forced against my will to wait until my appointment with my Doctuh the next day.

My appointments at The Cancer Center are always super duper long and leave me feeling guilty for having a full head of hair. I wasn't feeling particularly stoked about sitting in the Chemo waiting area to get my injections or the lab to get a bazillion vials of blood drawn for my gene testing, or sitting in the other stuffy waiting room that is full of the hissing sounds of oxygen tanks and the click clack of knitting needles, but it really was all unavoidable.

Mr. Superman hates coming back and wandering from area to area with me and I really do not mind just chilling there with my magazines, so he was up in the main lobby as always. Anyway, my amazing doctor comes in holding all my scans with a very furrowed brow line. He reminded me of Helga.

Imagine this in a super thick Indian accent. Well, his part.

"These are very, very clean."
"You mean... I sat really still?"
"No, they are clear."
"I took a good, non-blurry picture?"
"No, you are fine."
"Uuuhhhh..."

"I do not know what you did but all of your tumors are gone."
"Right. Uh huh."
"I am very confused, I have no explanation, medical or otherwise as to why they are gone. The last time I saw you, we had had such an infinitesimal amount of success, I was worried we were going to have to start going at them much more aggressively. They are gone. I am very confused."

By this point, I didn't even know what to say. I was about as stunned as Helga would be if she woke up with her brow shaved off. We talked some more and he kept assuring me he was not joking. He did not purposely admit to patients when he felt stupid or stumped. As I walked out and headed down to labs, I had this overwhelming feeling of just.... WOW. You know, the feeling all of you get when you think about my amazingness.

Anyway, I got one last round of injections to kill off whatever remaining bad cells I have and I don't see him again until JANUARY! I am getting tested for Lupus and a few other things because my blood disorder and the severity it is manifesting itself isn't making sense to him.

Well, just put it on his tab.

We let our parents know but we wanted to just let it sink in.
Its still surreal.
I'm tumor free.

We know what happened.
We didn't do anything.
God did.
He heard the thousands of prayers from all over the U.S. and He answered them.
I don't need medicine or science to explain this.
I do need to say thank you though.
My gratitude and love for all of you and for our families, is just so overwhelming its nearly inexpressible.

Thank You.

Even though I am no longer invaded by nasty little lump things, I am still a bit devastated.
My dreams of one of those little buggers being a teratoma wasn't realized.
Oh well, Nikki, no tumor in a jar for you.