I have been trying to mull this over for a while now. When I am irritated, tact and grace hardly ever come through my words and to say I'm irritated would be a gross minimization of what I'm feeling. If you follow me on Twitter or Facebook you may have seen me post this article that was published on Examiner.com and written by a military wife. You could have seen it posted by someone else you know as well because I alone had 15 fellow Milie's share it along with their disgust with this woman. What's so wrong with the article? Why am I so fired up?
I am all for freedom of speech and freedom of press, I am. This woman has every right to say what she wants but when she is sitting there blatantly attacking an entire community (and one I am proudly a part of) and is spouting off her negativity for anyone to see or read, you'd better believe I am going to get angry and speak my mind. Even more so when I know that everything that person is saying is false. Grossly over-stated.
We as a military spouse community try so hard to fight against the stereotypes we are ignorantly labeled with and then here is a wife doing nothing to help. I just had to respond.
"After I read your article, I was more in shock than anything else so I had to go take a peek at the woman behind the words.
'Debi Ketner, an award-winning military life columnist, has focused on military marriage as a writer in Norfolk for over 14 years. Married to a Navy senior chief, she's also the mother of five sons, one currently on active duty in the Armed Forces. Her articles on military marriage have been featured in Military Times and military websites in the past.'
All I can say is that I feel so sorry for you if you truly believe everything you wrote describing us fellow military wives. It is such a mound of negativity and then reading that you are described as 'an award-winning writer' who has been featured several times in many different online outlets expanded my worries even more to think about the amount of new military spouses and civilians you now have convinced of what you see as the truth. The majority of military spouses I know and have come in contact with, along with myself, try so very hard to dispel the common misconceptions and stereotypes that are widely believed and readily accepted about us all. For a fellow military wife to blatantly spout off negative rhetoric as if its factual is offensive and disappointing but even more so since you are in a position of power to get your ideas published and spread.
I can only hope that someday soon you are able to let go of whatever negative experiences you may have had in the past that poisoned your perception of military wives and the relationships we have with one another. Maybe you'll get lucky and you'll find a hell of a friend in a military spouse because I myself, have found some of the best friends in the world in the 2 years I've been able to call myself a military wife."
This is also the woman that published that article saying that a "vast amount of military couples partook in oral-sex pacts" with other couples while spouses were deployed. Yeah, that's her. I just honestly cannot understand what would make someone do that. She isn't making herself look any better, that's for sure. Thankfully, the majority of feedback she has received has been from fellow military spouses not holding back. I just hope this opens her eyes but I have a feeling she is loving all of the attention and will continue to pollute the internet with her negativity.
18 comments:
she's disgusting and an embarrassment to military spouses everywhere. I just want to kick her like seriously lol
I read your comment and the other comments as well. Well done.
I'm convinced she does it for the attention. What an ignorant person. Not to mention - HELLO! - pretty much any group I've been in (other than church) where you get a bunch of women together, there is going to be some cattyness. You just have a choice whether to participate in it or marginalize it. She's obviously chosen the former.
Wow, she is incredibly ignorant! Thanks for sharing this.
What a sicko!! I'm not a military wife, but I have almost only seen all love and support.
Oral sex pacts? Is she kidding?! I'm really glad to see all the contrary comments posted in response.
What a nasty woman! I'm glad that you and others like you let her have it. As a relatively new milspouse, I say that very few people in my shoes will take her seriously. She's so over the top negative that unless a reader leans that way too, I think that they'll dismiss her.
Ok I live in the area she is talking about and while I've never held the title of wife, I'm been a military other more often than not in my relationships and I can assure you, the women out here are not the crazies she paints them to be. Sure, there is the rare odd-ball that falls through the cracks. But for the most part it's just typical women. The occasional catty issue but really supportive women who understand what the other person is going through because they have been there, done that. This woman is just a nutjob!
I noticed her bio didn't mention which awards she had won, so that's not terribly credible. And her writing didn't strike me as award-winning. I mean, it took her about four paragraphs to finally make a point. Maybe she won the award for Most Negative? Shoot, I was going for that one!
That article was hilarious, though. I needed a laugh today.
I am so sorry she is so hateful. My question is why do these people continue to publish her junk? Sadly, I have had problems with a few military wife friends. I have found at times there can be a lot of drama over such tiny things. BUT I have also experienced a lot of love and caring as well. And I think that is the majority of us. Good response!
WOW this lady is wild. got my blood boiling for sure. loved your comment to her. she needs a reality check.
I wrote her too. I just don't get it.
"Like every other person who has commented on this article, I am extremely confused and bewildered at what you described. Who is this article supposed to resonate with? I am not sure what I'm supposed to learn through this- that people are basically bad, to not trust anyone, to shut myself up as a hermit in case I may have a bad friend at some point? I am a military spouse blogger, which means I also read dozens of milspouse blogs every day. I consider each and every one of them my friends. All of them, like myself, would take offense to such a petty, bitter article. There was absolutely nothing to be gained for it, except a sincere worry for the author."
So frustrating. Articles like that only perpetuate the negative connotations that can surround he military and spouses.
Wow, I just read that article for the first time. Granted, I don't live on a military base so I have no idea what goes on...but...I'm almost positive that's not it. It sounds like she is the one who needs to learn how to be a good friend. My guess is that she sees the world the way she chooses and misconstrues people's own reactions to her horrible attitude.
Wow. I'm shocked at that article! Your comments are right on target. Well said.
Maybe she writes this way because it's sensational (as opposed to truthful) and that's how she gets published! And maybe this is the kind of person SHE is, so this is how she sees the world of the military spouse. As in...whatever it is that you are looking for, that's what you'll find. If you are a negative person that's what you'll find, while a positive person will find positive things. Just be glad that you don't live anywhere near her and have to deal with the real person!!!
Wow, just wow. Talk about taking the negative and spinning it over and over again! Yes there are a few wives I have met who were not the most pleasant, but most of the women I know are kind and amazing and nothing like this article.
Well said in our defense!
Wow. First of all, love your blog. Second, I read the article. I can't believe she is an award winning writer. What she is writing is not truth. It might have been her truth at one point, but it is not all of our truths. What she is writing is not right, and should not be published anywhere! Unbelievable. She even gives titles to certain "types" of military friends. I know that she couldn't have come in contact with each of these "types". WHich makes me believe she was making some of it up. I feel bad for those that have come in contact with all of her negativity, and has tried to befriend her. I am extremely offended by this article.
Thank you for standing up for all of us.
Honestly, the article reminds me of bad high school journalism: lots of "it's well known that," "an informal survey of some friends," and "we all know that." Maybe not direct quotes, but you get the idea.
It seems like she and some friends were sitting gossiping and decided to make a list of the worst kind of friends a person could have. I have no doubt that there are some women out there in the world who do these things, but it's most certainly not a military wife thing.
I'm sure most of you have had friendships like these, especially in your less mature years. It happens, people have to learn to be a good friend and you're not always the best at it. But, again, why in the world would she single out military spouses?
I've never seen any real evidence that woman connected with the military are any more likely to be a toxic friend. In fact, my experience is that we try harder than most people to be good, considerate, thoughtful friends because your friends are some of your biggest supporters and most valuable assets. I don't think too many mili-women want to run the risk of losing that.
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