I'm having surgery.
Again.
In a few hours.
I wasn't going to tell anyone, then I thought, "You weren't going to tell anyone about your tumors either, but then you did, you got thousands of prayers, and you have amazed doctors" so, I'm telling you.
I'm having surgery.
Again.
In a few hours.
Pray okay?
Not so much for me, because I am honestly, one hundred thousand percent okay, but for Mr. Superman.
He gets nervous.
He sits there.
Alone.
For a minimum of 8 hours.
In uncomfortable hospital chairs, where its cold.
Sure, he has his phone, and his laptop, and his thoughts...
Its those last ones that get him in trouble.
So, pray for him.
Thanks Lovelies.
As always, you're the very best.
9.21.2011
Too Bad One Wasn't A Teratoma
Oh my dearest Lovelies, my dreams have been dashed all to bits!
Last week, I received some news.
Some very shocking, unexpected, nearly unbelievable news.
I went in for my incredibly fun, annual scans to check on mytumors rumtos.
My normal dude wasn't there. Boo.
Helga the Horrible (sporting the non-Brooke Shields unibrow) would not be swayed on telling me anything.
ZILCH.ZIP.NADA.BUTKUS.
She must not have been told how things work around there.
I show up, get my scans, make everyone laugh with my incredibly witty wit, and get sneak preview on what the doctor is going to tell me the next day.
Nix the rules.
They are my bladder, kidney, and thyroid glandtumors rumtos, not Helga the Horrible's!
Who is she to make ME, the super Mrs. S. with all my witty wit, wait?
Where was the justice?!
It must have been on a smoke break or something because even when I offered to tweeze her brow for her, she was not impressed.
Maybe I should have offered to take her for a wax?
Either way, that yatch wasn't giving in so I was forced against my will to wait until my appointment with my Doctuh the next day.
My appointments at The Cancer Center are always super duper long and leave me feeling guilty for having a full head of hair. I wasn't feeling particularly stoked about sitting in the Chemo waiting area to get my injections or the lab to get a bazillion vials of blood drawn for my gene testing, or sitting in the other stuffy waiting room that is full of the hissing sounds of oxygen tanks and the click clack of knitting needles, but it really was all unavoidable.
Mr. Superman hates coming back and wandering from area to area with me and I really do not mind just chilling there with my magazines, so he was up in the main lobby as always. Anyway, my amazing doctor comes in holding all my scans with a very furrowed brow line. He reminded me of Helga.
Imagine this in a super thick Indian accent. Well, his part.
"These are very, very clean."
"You mean... I sat really still?"
"No, they are clear."
"I took a good, non-blurry picture?"
"No, you are fine."
"Uuuhhhh..."
"I do not know what you did but all of your tumors are gone."
"Right. Uh huh."
"I am very confused, I have no explanation, medical or otherwise as to why they are gone. The last time I saw you, we had had such an infinitesimal amount of success, I was worried we were going to have to start going at them much more aggressively. They are gone. I am very confused."
By this point, I didn't even know what to say. I was about as stunned as Helga would be if she woke up with her brow shaved off. We talked some more and he kept assuring me he was not joking. He did not purposely admit to patients when he felt stupid or stumped. As I walked out and headed down to labs, I had this overwhelming feeling of just.... WOW. You know, the feeling all of you get when you think about my amazingness.
Anyway, I got one last round of injections to kill off whatever remaining bad cells I have and I don't see him again until JANUARY! I am getting tested for Lupus and a few other things because my blood disorder and the severity it is manifesting itself isn't making sense to him.
Well, just put it on his tab.
We let our parents know but we wanted to just let it sink in.
Its still surreal.
I'm tumor free.
We know what happened.
We didn't do anything.
God did.
He heard the thousands of prayers from all over the U.S. and He answered them.
I don't need medicine or science to explain this.
I do need to say thank you though.
My gratitude and love for all of you and for our families, is just so overwhelming its nearly inexpressible.
Thank You.
Even though I am no longer invaded by nasty little lump things, I am still a bit devastated.
My dreams of one of those little buggers being a teratoma wasn't realized.
Oh well, Nikki, no tumor in a jar for you.
Last week, I received some news.
Some very shocking, unexpected, nearly unbelievable news.
I went in for my incredibly fun, annual scans to check on my
My normal dude wasn't there. Boo.
Helga the Horrible (sporting the non-Brooke Shields unibrow) would not be swayed on telling me anything.
ZILCH.ZIP.NADA.BUTKUS.
She must not have been told how things work around there.
I show up, get my scans, make everyone laugh with my incredibly witty wit, and get sneak preview on what the doctor is going to tell me the next day.
Nix the rules.
They are my bladder, kidney, and thyroid gland
Who is she to make ME, the super Mrs. S. with all my witty wit, wait?
Where was the justice?!
It must have been on a smoke break or something because even when I offered to tweeze her brow for her, she was not impressed.
Maybe I should have offered to take her for a wax?
Either way, that yatch wasn't giving in so I was forced against my will to wait until my appointment with my Doctuh the next day.
My appointments at The Cancer Center are always super duper long and leave me feeling guilty for having a full head of hair. I wasn't feeling particularly stoked about sitting in the Chemo waiting area to get my injections or the lab to get a bazillion vials of blood drawn for my gene testing, or sitting in the other stuffy waiting room that is full of the hissing sounds of oxygen tanks and the click clack of knitting needles, but it really was all unavoidable.
Mr. Superman hates coming back and wandering from area to area with me and I really do not mind just chilling there with my magazines, so he was up in the main lobby as always. Anyway, my amazing doctor comes in holding all my scans with a very furrowed brow line. He reminded me of Helga.
Imagine this in a super thick Indian accent. Well, his part.
"These are very, very clean."
"You mean... I sat really still?"
"No, they are clear."
"I took a good, non-blurry picture?"
"No, you are fine."
"Uuuhhhh..."
"I do not know what you did but all of your tumors are gone."
"Right. Uh huh."
"I am very confused, I have no explanation, medical or otherwise as to why they are gone. The last time I saw you, we had had such an infinitesimal amount of success, I was worried we were going to have to start going at them much more aggressively. They are gone. I am very confused."
By this point, I didn't even know what to say. I was about as stunned as Helga would be if she woke up with her brow shaved off. We talked some more and he kept assuring me he was not joking. He did not purposely admit to patients when he felt stupid or stumped. As I walked out and headed down to labs, I had this overwhelming feeling of just.... WOW. You know, the feeling all of you get when you think about my amazingness.
Anyway, I got one last round of injections to kill off whatever remaining bad cells I have and I don't see him again until JANUARY! I am getting tested for Lupus and a few other things because my blood disorder and the severity it is manifesting itself isn't making sense to him.
Well, just put it on his tab.
We let our parents know but we wanted to just let it sink in.
Its still surreal.
I'm tumor free.
We know what happened.
We didn't do anything.
God did.
He heard the thousands of prayers from all over the U.S. and He answered them.
I don't need medicine or science to explain this.
I do need to say thank you though.
My gratitude and love for all of you and for our families, is just so overwhelming its nearly inexpressible.
Thank You.
Even though I am no longer invaded by nasty little lump things, I am still a bit devastated.
My dreams of one of those little buggers being a teratoma wasn't realized.
Oh well, Nikki, no tumor in a jar for you.
9.15.2011
Because It Was Time
It has been a long LONG while since I've blogged anything of real substance. I think most of us go through this at least once during our big old fancy blogging careers. Its like I hit a plateau and for a long time, I just didn't want to share anything.
At all.
I was sick of people in general. I was so sick of people whining about not being pregnant after a few months of trying or people complaining that they were pregnant yet again. I was sick of people talking to me because it was all so mundane and superficial. Everything was getting under my skin and people and their worries and their complaints just seemed petty and juvenile and its like something just broke. I had zero desire to even leave my house because I was bound to be talked to or whined at. I was bound to overhear people in the store or on base say something that would upset me in one way or another. I had zero desire to be on Facebook because for me, that is the crux of my downward spirals into the black abyss of Grumpinessville. Everyone with their cute babies and pregnancy announcements, and their pictures of their fabulous this or that, and every ounce of complaint or annoyance just bogged me down.
I was so very unhappy and being stuck at home, sick from all my treatments for my tumors just made it all seem so much more magnified. I felt like being done with everything. I wanted to just never talk to anyone because everything that was being said, regardless of the intent behind it, just made me angry or irritated.
I knew it was time to take a major break. A timeout from the world because if I kept doing what I was doing, it would only get worse and no one deserves the feelings I had towards them. No matter how ignorant some people can be or how mean other people are, or how clueless I felt like everyone was, not a single person deserves so much negativity and animosity directed at them, even if they weren't aware of it.
So I did.
I took a break.
I closed my Facebook page.
I sent out emails and made phone calls to family letting them know that unless something was a dire emergency, to not contact me.
It was time to isolate myself.
It was time to spend quality, unimpeded time with my husband.
It was high time to get myself and my feelings straight.
The longer I separated myself, the less I was feeling angry at people's dumb comments, less envious of people's babies and pregnancies, and less sad at just about everything else. I was focusing much more on my health, the amount of rest I really needed, and was able to just really enjoy Mr. Superman's company, without negative thoughts and feelings bombarding me and tainting it.
There were some amazing people who sent me emails and texts and called just trying to see how I was and even though I didn't ever respond, you need to know how very much those little reminders of true friendships helped my heart. You know who you are and I adore you.
I don't think people quite know how deeply and how easily I am affected by the smallest things. I have to try extraordinarily hard to keep my emotions in check, my tongue bitten, and my mind turned towards positivity. Its a constant struggle and this year it seems I have been tested beyond what I often felt I could cope with.
Now that Summer is nearly gone and soon the crispness of Autumn will start to surround us, I've made a promise to myself. When I feel overwhelmed or irritated or if I hit another plateau, I will allow myself a few moments of sadness or anger or jealousy but then I will
stop, breathe, and then let it all go.
If I have learned anything from this year, its that life happens, there are always bumps in the road, and no matter how strongly we may feel negativity about something, it is never worth the fight and it all needs to be let go.
At all.
I was sick of people in general. I was so sick of people whining about not being pregnant after a few months of trying or people complaining that they were pregnant yet again. I was sick of people talking to me because it was all so mundane and superficial. Everything was getting under my skin and people and their worries and their complaints just seemed petty and juvenile and its like something just broke. I had zero desire to even leave my house because I was bound to be talked to or whined at. I was bound to overhear people in the store or on base say something that would upset me in one way or another. I had zero desire to be on Facebook because for me, that is the crux of my downward spirals into the black abyss of Grumpinessville. Everyone with their cute babies and pregnancy announcements, and their pictures of their fabulous this or that, and every ounce of complaint or annoyance just bogged me down.
I was so very unhappy and being stuck at home, sick from all my treatments for my tumors just made it all seem so much more magnified. I felt like being done with everything. I wanted to just never talk to anyone because everything that was being said, regardless of the intent behind it, just made me angry or irritated.
I knew it was time to take a major break. A timeout from the world because if I kept doing what I was doing, it would only get worse and no one deserves the feelings I had towards them. No matter how ignorant some people can be or how mean other people are, or how clueless I felt like everyone was, not a single person deserves so much negativity and animosity directed at them, even if they weren't aware of it.
So I did.
I took a break.
I closed my Facebook page.
I sent out emails and made phone calls to family letting them know that unless something was a dire emergency, to not contact me.
It was time to isolate myself.
It was time to spend quality, unimpeded time with my husband.
It was high time to get myself and my feelings straight.
The longer I separated myself, the less I was feeling angry at people's dumb comments, less envious of people's babies and pregnancies, and less sad at just about everything else. I was focusing much more on my health, the amount of rest I really needed, and was able to just really enjoy Mr. Superman's company, without negative thoughts and feelings bombarding me and tainting it.
There were some amazing people who sent me emails and texts and called just trying to see how I was and even though I didn't ever respond, you need to know how very much those little reminders of true friendships helped my heart. You know who you are and I adore you.
I don't think people quite know how deeply and how easily I am affected by the smallest things. I have to try extraordinarily hard to keep my emotions in check, my tongue bitten, and my mind turned towards positivity. Its a constant struggle and this year it seems I have been tested beyond what I often felt I could cope with.
Now that Summer is nearly gone and soon the crispness of Autumn will start to surround us, I've made a promise to myself. When I feel overwhelmed or irritated or if I hit another plateau, I will allow myself a few moments of sadness or anger or jealousy but then I will
stop, breathe, and then let it all go.
If I have learned anything from this year, its that life happens, there are always bumps in the road, and no matter how strongly we may feel negativity about something, it is never worth the fight and it all needs to be let go.
9.11.2011
I Call A Do Over: Sheet Music, Matches, and Wine Bags Edition
My 4 AM usually consists of DVR or Netflix, food sitting somewhere on the floor or couch, my drill, dremel, and paint.
Since Mr. Superman deployed, I got more into DIY decor and refinishing furniture. My good friend Nikki, is a seriously incredible designer and she helped me a ton in teaching me techniques and easier ways to do things.
Now that I have a collection of stuff I've done and on my To Do List I figured why not share it with my Lovelies? Without further ado, we dive in!
Labor day for me consisted of Michael's coupons and the ever amazing Sammy as my companion. I had one thing on my list that I KNEW I would be getting.
A wreath form.
I have about a gazillion wreaths I want to make but the one I settled on was a sheet music wreath. Rather than spending a buttload of money on actual sheet music or even better, antique sheet music, I bought paper in the color "Old Parchment", downloaded and printed a free printable vintage French music page, and made 50 copies.
The wreath form was wrapped in ribbon at the top (so I had something to hang it from) and sheet music on the rest. I then fan folded the rest of the paper, hot glued it, and then on the inside, scrunched up some natural colored coffee filters to cover the drips of hot glue. I had gotten a wooden cut out and mod podged more paper on it before I glued that to the bottom of the wreath. It got hung on a teal 'S' wreath hook and there you have it! Easy peasy.
The goods!
The next project was NOT planned but I saw a box of matches and just had to go for it.
I hate sunburst mirrors.
I just flat out hate them.
Its fine and dandy if any of you Lovelies have one or if you love them but they are just not my thing.
Yuck.
Anyway this is a lead in to what I did with some footlong matches.
I broke about 50 of them in half and glued them to the back of a tiny little frame I got from Michael's for a dollar then hung it up on my collage wall.
I quite love it.
Way better than a sunburst mirror and about as close as you'll ever find in my house.
Ta-da!
LASTLY....
I love pendant banners.
I just think they are the cutest thing and always wanted to make one but never had the ambition to make one.
Well on that fateful Labor Day expedition, I got a bunch of linen wine bags at Michael's for a dollar and brought them home completely unsure of what I would do with them.
I ended up cutting them leaving me with two long pieces.
I then folded them all over some twine, glued the center so they would stay, and hung it in our sitting room above the couch.
That wall is still missing something. It just doesn't look finished or right to me at all but I cannot figure out what to do with it!
Ideas?
If you have something to share, post it, include my button or a link to this post, then come leave me a comment so I can come visit you!
9.07.2011
Because There Is No Such Thing As Too Much Harry Potter: The Magic Begins
A week or so ago, I was trying to come up with something that would make blogging more fun for me. Something I could talk about and/or share in more than one post since I have had zero motivation to talk about anything real in the last couple months.
Then it hit me like a lightning bolt shaped scar. Harry Potter.
For those who know me even relatively well, you know that I am a Harry Potter fiend. I love everything about the books, the movies, the whole Harry Potter culture... Everything. I grew up in the Harry Potter era but didn't really start to appreciate it fully until a couple years ago after Mr. Superman sucked me in.
I can NEVER get sick of the movies and the 7 times I've driven across the country in the last two years have been made much less sucky because I have all 7 books downloaded on my ipod. Amazing.
I even have a pin board dedicated to the incredibility that is HP on Pinterest.
Now that I have sufficiently exposed my nerdiness and let the Crookshanks out of the bag that I am indeed a Potterhead, lets delve in.
I didn't share enough amazingness with you?!
Well for you HP skeptics, I didn't want to overload your brain so rather than swan diving in or full on cannon balling our way through this HP introduction, we just dipped our toe in the feel it out.
Stay tuned for more because as the ever so wise and eloquent JG told me,
"Harry Potter makes life suck less."
Then it hit me like a lightning bolt shaped scar. Harry Potter.
For those who know me even relatively well, you know that I am a Harry Potter fiend. I love everything about the books, the movies, the whole Harry Potter culture... Everything. I grew up in the Harry Potter era but didn't really start to appreciate it fully until a couple years ago after Mr. Superman sucked me in.
I can NEVER get sick of the movies and the 7 times I've driven across the country in the last two years have been made much less sucky because I have all 7 books downloaded on my ipod. Amazing.
I even have a pin board dedicated to the incredibility that is HP on Pinterest.
Now that I have sufficiently exposed my nerdiness and let the Crookshanks out of the bag that I am indeed a Potterhead, lets delve in.
I didn't share enough amazingness with you?!
Well for you HP skeptics, I didn't want to overload your brain so rather than swan diving in or full on cannon balling our way through this HP introduction, we just dipped our toe in the feel it out.
Stay tuned for more because as the ever so wise and eloquent JG told me,
"Harry Potter makes life suck less."
9.01.2011
I Call A Do Over: Exit Ikea, Enter Book Page Chest
My 4 AM usually consists of DVR or Netflix, food sitting somewhere on the floor or couch, my drill, dremel, and paint.
Since Mr. Superman deployed, I got more into DIY decor and refinishing furniture. My good friend Nikki, is a seriously incredible designer and she helped me a ton in teaching me techniques and easier ways to do things.
Now that I have a collection of stuff I've done and on my To Do List I figured why not share it with my Lovelies? Without further ado, we dive in!
This week, I have another much improved Ikea piece.
Its the third entertainment chest identical to the two that I used to make THIS
that used to be a part of this
CRINGE.
If you Lovelies remember, I did my first book page project with THIS curvy legged table that sits in my sitting room.
Are you ready?!!
Its the third entertainment chest identical to the two that I used to make THIS
that used to be a part of this
CRINGE.
If you Lovelies remember, I did my first book page project with THIS curvy legged table that sits in my sitting room.
Are you ready?!!
This is the original as seen on the Ikea website
and now, it is THIS!!
It sits underneath the MASSIVE picture window that takes up almost an entire wall of our master bedroom.
On it sit two pillows I hand stitched some fabric flowers onto along with a chippy old jewelry box Mr. Superman got me a few years ago for my birthday.
Its great having two extra drawers where we can stash all of our hats, scarves, gloves, beanies... Stuff that doesn't get a ton of use here in the South.
Sitting beside it is a really old suitcase that once belonged to a great-great someone or other of Mr. Superman's. I got it years ago when we lived in Utah and drug it around through move after move from house to house. Each time, my darling husband would pester me so bad to get rid of it.
Bah! Its perfection in its new home.
I just had to throw this one in.
I love unknowingly catching his boots in pictures around the house.
If you have something to share, post it, include my button or a link to this post, then come leave me a comment so I can come visit you!
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