MilGirl Status
You're a Miliie/MilGirl, you're proud of your guy for serving our country! Damn right you are! Have you wondered, though, that there are "types" of MilGirls out there. Even if you don't necessarily think this way, there might be others around you, in your real world or in your bloggy world. This isn't true of ALL MilGirls; I'm just identifying something that I've observed, a vibe that I've felt...
I've found that other MilGirls judge you based on whether or not your guy's been deployed. They judge you if YOU haven't survived a deployment with him. They judge you that you're "only dating" a sailor. They judge you because you're a Coast Guard wife, the "other" military service.
I am attending program for Social Work in hopes that someday, I can become a civilian military social worker. I started an organization devoted to students at the school to be able to learn about military specific issues as related to social workers in the field. I am clearly committed and passionate about the topic of serving military service members and military families. I'm also waiting to marry my Marine.
Unfortunately, from the early days of my relationship with Dave, I have struggled with the judgmental, condescending messages from other MilGirls. No, he's never deployed to Iraq or Afghanistan. He has deployed on other missions. He has served his country honorably and he intends to do so again as an officer. He has volunteered himself when volunteers were needed for relief missions such as Haiti. Sometimes, you just don't get picked.
The thing is, though, that it's not about the Marine, or the Soldier, or the Sailor, or the Airman. It's about the larger mission. It's about America and the World. They play a vital part in the functioning of the machine so that those who are on the front lines can do their job. They are also the ones holding down the fort in other lonelier parts of the world. So, to say that you haven't served as a service member or a family of that service member for their DAILY SACRIFICES, is ignorant and tragic.
Perhaps it's an insecurity on these MilGirls' parts that they feel superior to anybody whose man hasn't been deployed. Or, maybe they feel like they need to strut because they don't have anything else going for them but their service member that they're proud of (which is not to say that that's not something to be proud of...). If you want to compare the effects of deployment vs. non-deployment, clearly, there are some significant levels of trauma that need to be accounted for; however, there are also significant changes in lifestyle that can also result in severe mood disorders that are manifested in the service member or the family. You're comparing apples to grapefruits, really. They're both fruit.
I think it's completely and utterly unnecessary to compare. It's one thing to talk about your experiences through deployment or sharing stories, but those people who are being judged sure as heck don't feel like you are better than them. Because, we're all Team America. We buy into all of it and in the end, we are on the same side. We cheer for our guys and gals. It doesn't matter what your service member is doing to serve his country, he's serving just the same. We are all proud.
5 comments:
Thank you. Thank you a million times over for saying something I think every day! Being a military SO is tough no matter what branch, no matter if they deploy or not, no matter if your a girlfriend, wife or somewhere in the middle. It's just tough.
I completely agree with you. My husband just got out of the Marines where he was Infantry and is now joining the Coast Guard and we've already heard little "jokes" about it.
My husband served his country in the Marines and will serve his country in the Coast Guard but for people to look down on us because he's switching over is bull-smurf. We should be supporting each other no matter what branch, MOS, rank, or deployment number.
You are totally right. No matter what branch, if your significant other is in the military, then it means they've definitely been away from home for significant periods of time. I don't think people get that. Deployed or not, you still miss them the same. No matter if they're a state away for school or across the world, not being with them is just as painful.
Sounds like those who are so judgmental are the kind who are very insecure!
Reina, do you have a blog? I'm a Marine GF too and just had my first brush with the USMC's anti-girlfriend policy. I'm a little miffed, but regardless, would love to share tips/stories with someone in the same boat!
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