You can’t eat, can’t sleep, you have to pee every five minutes, can’t sit still, and are constantly cursing the clock for not ticking fast enough. What’s got your nerves in a bunch? Homecoming! It’s finally that time. Months ago you thought it would take forever to see him again. Touch him, smell him, wrap your arms around him. About a month ago you were probably mad at the world. You were so close to the end and now time was dragging. Now you’re moments away. Just moments and time seems to have frozen as if to make your suffering worse.
I feel the same way every time on homecoming day/night. It doesn’t matter how long he’s been gone for, how many we’ve been through, I always feel the same. Anxious and like I am going to puke or piss myself out of sheer excitement.
Our first deployment we were “engaged” and I couldn’t pick him up. Why? It was my senior sendoff ceremony for my sorority. I had my arm in a brace because I had just found out I have carpal tunnel. I sat at our state wide celebration knowing I was 15 minutes away from my apartment where he was and wanting to die on the inside. I stayed as long as I could handle it and jetted off campus and probably broke a ton of driving laws. I remember hitting every light and nearly crying from excitement. Would he still think I was beautiful? Would he want to kiss me? Will I still feel the same when I see him? Does he look any different? What if he thinks my outfit is stupid? All these immature thoughts crossed my mind. We’d been apart for 4.5 months and only together for 8. What if it wasn’t the same?
The moment that door opened and he wrapped his arms around me, all my insecurities, worries vanished. I felt whole again. Complete. It was the most amazing feeling in my life.
I remember all three of my homecomings vividly. But I only have pictures of my last. This past one, I remember laughing so much because I was nervous and being insanely loud on the flight line. The plane had landed and was taking forever to unload. We waited, waited, and waited for what seemed like hours but was probably only 30 minutes or so. I wanted to just run out there to the huge plane, but I knew that was not a good idea. I felt as though the group of them were walking so slowly towards us.
There they were! So close, but still too far for me to run. Then I saw him break away from the group and move towards me and I ran.
I remember he lifted me off the ground and carried me back to where I was allowed to be. I remember sobbing, sobbing so hard and telling him “Don’t let go yet” He was laughing his amazing laugh.
Finally he set me down and I could let go of him. I couldn’t believe it. Each time I feel as though it can’t get any better but it does. Each time is just like the last. Amazing. All my worries about what it will be like fades away.
I know Mrs. S. would like some advice, and instead of giving the advice of “don’t plan anything, take it one day at a time, etc” (because I know you’ve read all that already and probably numerous times over), I want you to let the world fade away to where it is just you and him. The two of you. Let the noise disappear, the people fade, and just be with him. Hold him as long as you need to. Kiss him as long as you want, grab onto those ABUs and don’t let go if you don’t want to. Because eventually you have to come back to reality and nothing, ever compares to those first few moments when you are back in the love of your life’s arms again. Nothing.
Happy Homecoming Beautiful!
3 comments:
Thank you so much for letting me guest blog! I hope you had an amazing reunion!
this post brought tears to my eyes, because it is SO true. my husband just returned about 6 weeks ago, and those first moments are indescribable!
brought tears to my eyes too! i've been through one deployment/homecoming and the next homecoming is about a month and a half away now. i love that you mentioned how you feel mad at this point! and how wonderful to remember that once i'm in his arms it will all be okay again. i do remember that feeling, just had to be reminded of it.
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