I've been struggling.
I won't say that its been lately because truth be told its been going on since October 4, 2009. So I have been struggling for long enough to know that regardless of all my endeavors and hopes that there would soon be a break through or an unimaginable nearly miraculous improvement, its not going to happen.
When someone is drowning, out there in the ocean flailing their arms, perhaps screaming for help as their mouths are repeatedly filled with salt water, they don't continue to get stronger as time goes on. They slowly weaken as with each attempt to force their heads high enough above the waves, their feeble cries along with the rest of their fading determination are forcefully shoved beneath the surface relentlessly.
Its dark, its cold, its terrifying.
I have been thinking in circles and going over events over and over and over again. I've hinted before but the hints are growing stronger and soon, a statement will be made. A declaration and story will be let out and hopefully then, I can stop the ever crashing waves for long enough to gain some clarity and eventually see a glimmer of hope.
I'm nearly there and when I am, it'll be the beginning of freedom.