5.04.2011

Nearly There

I've been struggling.

I won't say that its been lately because truth be told its been going on since October 4, 2009. So I have been struggling for long enough to know that regardless of all my endeavors and hopes that there would soon be a break through or an unimaginable nearly miraculous improvement, its not going to happen.

When someone is drowning, out there in the ocean flailing their arms, perhaps screaming for help as their mouths are repeatedly filled with salt water, they don't continue to get stronger as time goes on. They slowly weaken as with each attempt to force their heads high enough above the waves, their feeble cries along with the rest of their fading determination are forcefully shoved beneath the surface relentlessly.

Its dark, its cold, its terrifying.

I have been thinking in circles and going over events over and over and over again. I've hinted before but the hints are growing stronger and soon, a statement will be made. A declaration and story will be let out and hopefully then, I can stop the ever crashing waves for long enough to gain some clarity and eventually see a glimmer of hope.

I'm nearly there and when I am, it'll be the beginning of freedom. 

11 comments:

Brenna said...

Hang in there friend!

addicted2shius said...

If it's about what I think it is then please message me. I've been blowing up your chats with no response. So please please please come and talk to me! I'm here whenever you're ready. And even if you're not!

Team Mama said...

You know you always have me on your side! Whatever it takes to get you through and beyond this. Love you girl!

MO Rogers said...

I love you Rachel. Keep swimming. You are near the harbor.

annoyed army wife said...

Tears. And hope. I feel like you need a hug (and a cupcake or a bundt cake for that matter).

JG said...

Much love, honey.

Erin said...

My thoughts are with you. My heart aches with yours.

Please know that I am praying for you. I'm so sorry you are going through this.

♥Miss Brittney♥ said...

Aww Hun, this post made me sad. You are so strong, don't give up now! I don't know what you're going through but you'll be in my prayers. :) Sending hugs your way! xoxo

Jessica said...

I don't know the exact situation, but I know the feeling of drowning. Please call or email me if you need to. I promise to lend an ear and not fill you with cliches like "it'll get better".

liberal army wife said...

hey. if you need to have someone bug you, refuse to take "I'm fine" as an answer.. you got it. I saw your comment on Jessica's blog - and refuse, REFUSE to go away. I'm here - if you need to talk to someone you don't really know but will understand with love as a milspouse sister - I'm here. plibarmywife at gmail. Blackberry on me at all times.

LAW

Maranda said...

Oh honey. I'm so sorry to hear that you have been feeling this way. If there's anything we can do...just say the word. We are here for you. ((HUGS))