8.13.2010

Friday The 13th... AKA D Day

I used to love this day. I mean go all out, watch scary movies, rag on people who thought it was a bad luck day, and just have fun.

Today is Friday the 13th.
Today is also the day that we found out my loverface will be going to the big sandbox.

For all those a little lost, the big sandbox, also known as "over there" is in our case, hell Afghanistan.

It was a pretty heavy blow. And completely and utterly unexpected.
It wouldn't be so bad except he leaves soon.
I mean really REALLY REALLY soon.
So soon I can nearly count the days on my fingers and toes.

And he's going because someone else, was reckless, irresponsible, stupid, and screwed up Big Time. I'm pissed off at this someone. Really pissed off.

What I need from you Lovelies is this:  
                                                              ADVICE
                                                              ADVICE
                                                              ADVICE

I'm new to this.
We're new to this. 
And we don't have 6 months to figure it all out. We have days.
I need major advice on what we should make sure we have done, taken care of, lists of, what paperwork, just anything and everything you and you significant others can think of.

Yeah I want advice for Mr. Superman too.

Thank you for all the kind words of love and support thus far. They are incredibly appreciated. Keep them coming because this is just the beginning.


(Keep loving me even if I'm MIA until well after he leaves. I don't balance stress and everything else well.)

39 comments:

JG said...

We're as new as you, I have no advice, only my promise to pray for both you and Mr. S until he comes back home. And that, anytime you need to talk, I will certainly listen. Much love.

LTarmywife said...

I wish I had words of advice for you both, but my husband's first deployment isn't until October. I know it's hard when you first find out, but you both are in my thoughts and prayers.

L.C. said...

Do your wills (i know you don't want to think about it), get a POA a special and a general. Make sure you have access to all accounts: insurance policies, credit cards, etc.

And talk, talk about your expectations, what worries you, what you want to know while he is gone (the good the bad), just talk, and spend as much time together as possible

Jesse and Marissa said...

I recommend keeping busy. Moreso within the first few days to weeks. If you feel like doing absolutely nothing on day number 1, don't. I felt it easiest to keep myself as busy as possible for the first week (at the very least) to about a month.

Make sure (of course) that you have the POA, that will take care of most everything. My husband did have all the low-down on all the bills & passwords (especially paying online) which had had to give me in addition to pin numbers and stuff like that.

What I found handy too (for him) was to have headphones with a microphone attached. He was able to skype me privately that way.

I hope that helps. You will be in our thoughts & prayers!

Sailor's Wife said...

I don't have any advice but I'm here for support if/when you need it <3

Lady Rynn said...

Never end conversations, letters or emails without saying I love you! Write good old fashioned snail mail as well as emails, it helps to see their handwriting and gives you something to look forward to. Send lots of care packages, they love getting new things to read, watch, snacks, etc. I sent my husband dried fruit that I did myself and he loved it. Get yourself a strong support group and don't be afraid to go to them & cry, sometimes you need it and its hard for him to hear you cry. Lots of love to you both! You should get your names put on a temple prayer roll, its a small comfort!

Brandi said...

Mrs. S all I really want to do is give you the biggest hug of you life. There is no way to prepare for something like this, six months, three minutes. It's tough. :(

I have no clue about paperwork but I know what it's like to get a deployment and not expect it. WHY did I have to meet that darn Marine when he was leaving that very moment? Ugh. Although we weren't married it was unexpected (for me) and I can at least help you out there by talking with you any time you need.

Fug, what can any of us really say?

I'm here for you if you need anything, even if it's just an ear to talk to.
B

Elizabeth -Mrs Team Smitty said...

Hey Hun,
What a big change ..

Here is my advice, a lot of what LC said .. you will need both POA's since each company these days is different. Communication is huge .. we're still working on ours in our last few months of our deployment.

Make sure you have all the correct ID's and what not .. if you have to register his car, know all of that information, when its due. Ya know Georgia has an Ad Velorum tax which makes it cost 300ish bucks to renew your tags, but since he is military you can get a form from JAG and its only 20 bucks.

Its hard to have a lot of expectations I think. When he gets there he will probably have no communication at first, unless he has access to the MWR depending on which FOB or Air Base he gets put on .. so just be prepared for a lack of face time when he first gets over there.

Put his cell phone on hold, if you don't drive his car, change the insurance so its cheaper.

Get boxes ready for care packages .. he will probably have easier access to the BX/PX for hygiene stuff .. but if he wants anything special stock up on that.

he will probably get 3 meals a day .. I have to send my husband lots of tuna packets and granola bars since he eats like 1 1/2 times a day.

Make sure he's got two pairs of glasses :) but they will take care of all that during his pre deployment stuff over the next week.

Stay active, continue on your hobbies, find friends for help/companionship. Uhhhh ..

I'm not sure what else lol ..

I hope this helps!!

♥ Enjoy your snuggle time.

Mrs. Muffins said...

I'm so sad for you :( News like that is never good and it's only made worse by him leaving so soon. Most everything that *needs* done should be taken care of by his command. As far as wills, p.o.a's, etc. But you and he should both make a list of things you need to do before he leaves. Like, if you aren't okay having the oil changed, have him do it before he goes. Email me if you need anything, k!?
xx

Ashley said...

My heart is so sad for you. The first deployment was especially hard for me because I didn't know what to expect. The ones after that were on the same scale due to the fact I knew what to expect. Basically, it never gets easy. I'm so sorry to hear that he's leaving fingers&toes soon. But I'll have to second what LC said.

Sespi said...

Aww, I'm sorry. My husband deploys on subs, which isn't exactly the same but there are some general things. Make sure you have your wills, POAs, list of bank accounts with access information, and all that good stuff. Make sure you know how to access MyPay, and have contact info for the Ombudsman and FRG. If your ID is going to expire, you can take care of it before he leaves.

Oh, and for the person who mentioned renewing registration in GA, you don't even have to go to JAG -- you just have to take the most recent LES with his state of residence shown and they'll waive the tax! We just did that.

I'm sorry they took away your time to mentally prepare for this. We're all here for you if you need anything or anyone to listen :)

♥Miss Brittney♥ said...

Ohh Honey! I'm so sorry...that sucks and especially since its so sudden! I would definitely make sure you guys have your power of attorney written up before he leaves, in case you need it, also his will (I know that sounds scary but its important) and I would make sure you have any important info for your bank accounts, credit cards and bills. My best advice is spend the precious time you do have together and enjoy every minute of it. Try your best not to think about him leaving and just enjoy being with him and love on him as much as possible. I will be praying for you my dear, and I know in my heart that the Lord will see you through this. my motto during this deployment has been this verse, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Every time I got down, sad, lonely and just felt like giving up I would recite this to myself, write it down or even post it on my blog or my fb page. It helped me tremendously and I hope it will help you as well!! Sending hugs your way!! :)

Elizabeth said...

I'm so sorry he has to go so soon. Power of Attorneys is the absolute most important thing to have make sure you pretty much get EVERY one Jag offers because it never fails the one you need is the one you don't have. Stay busy do something for yourself take a class, learn to do something you have been wanting to do just find something productive to do with the year.

Carmen said...

Oh honey, I know this is AWFUL news. I have really no advice in terms of paperwork but in terms of emotions, try not to dread the day he leaves but enjoy the time you have until he does leave. Maintain a positive attitude (I know that's really difficult to do right now). In terms of while he's gone, make him plenty of care packages and stay busy. Get another hobby or take a class of some sort so that you aren't at home alone thinking about what is going on. Don't expect phone calls everyday because the one day or week you don't hear from him you will be upset. Take every phone call, email, letter, etc and treasure it. Also, SKYPE! I didn't discover skype until AFTER Mr. M came back from Iraq. Otherwise, I would have totally used it. I wish you the best hun, enjoy being with him and if you ever need anything, please don't hesitate to ask me or call me =)

Julie the Army Wife said...

*hugs* to you. Get all the paperwork you need together and enjoy the days you have to the fullest. And remember, deployments do end and do not last forever!

Team Mama said...

I'm so glad you have so much good advice! I've just been heartsick all day since Cody called me this morning. Stomach ache and headache from stress of thinking about it. But I hope you know that you've got us in any way, shape or form that you want it I hope you know how much we love you!
<3 <3 <3

annoyed army wife said...

I agree with all this advice. Have him double and triple check his equipment at Central Issue - make sure he has EVERYTHING they say he got. It took 3 weeks and practically an Act of Congress to get OccDoc side plates because Central Issue said they gave them to him. He thought he got everything, but didn't know what half the stuff was.

We have joint accounts for everything. We added each other to everything - credit cards, car leases, etc. Get all your paperwork together (Power of Attornies, wills, copy of your marriage license, copy of Mr. Superman's IDs, passport, absolutely anything you can think of) make a copy of all of it. Take the originals and put them in a fireproof safe or rent a safety deposit thingy at the bank.

Mrs. Doc Handsome said...

Oh noooooo!!!! I am so so sorry to have to hear this is the news you recieved today. It's never easy and it's only made worse when they give you no time to prepare. I know what that is like. It sounds like everyone above me gave you some really good information as far as paperwork that is most important to get. I would definitely stress making sure you know where all the original copies of social security numbers, marriage certs, birth certs, etc. are. The POA and Wills are HUGE. I can't tell you how many times I've had to use our POA....when he was gone and when he was at home.

On a personal note, the best thing I can reccommend to help you cope when he's gone are videos. Before he leaves, take a million videos. Whether it's you guys just laying around the house, him doing the dishes, you guys running errands...take video of it! It will be such an amazing comfort to watch when you can't talk to him. Sometimes it's easy to forget the little mannerisms you love about your hubby when he's gone for so long. Those videos will make your heart warmer and push you through till the end. I wish I would have done this when my husband left. I literally had one video on my phone that was 10 seconds long and everynight I'd watch it over and over again till I fell asleep.

I hope this next stage for you two brings you closer (as I know it will) and God watches over the both of you.

Natalie said...

i obviously don't have any advice but im so sorry it's so quick! i'll be praying for you guys.

Amy Juhasz said...

Oh Rachelle, I'm so so sorry :( I'll be praying for your comfort and his safety. My dad was in the Air Force and served in Iraq during Desert Storm, I remember just as a little girl how hard it was having my dad gone, I can't imagine how hard it would be to have my husband gone. You guys are so strong, you'll make it through this. You guys will be in my prayers!

Neidy said...

So new reader, love your blog by the way. Actually...I went through the EXACT. SAME. THING. Only...I didn't even have a full day. I had just returned from visiting him in California after Valentine's day. The day after (Monday), he found out he was deploying and was going to pre-deployment training THE NEXT DAY. So yes...overwhelming. I luckily had the opportunity to talk to him quite often while on training. Get ready for countdowns! Leave can be SO awesome (and looking forward to that is incredible fun). Even when it's difficult to let go, grab a journal (and this wonderful blog could be your journal) and let your thoughts out. Write letters. Make it romantic :) I'm already half way (WHEW FINALLY!) but I've fallen more in love my Marine than EVER! Don't stress, pray ALOT, read sccriptures, and you'll be well on your way! (and talk to people! That's a big one!)

addicted2shius said...

Oh hun! I have a checklist. Email me and I'll forward it to you. I can't find your email on my listserve right now cuz I'm on my phone. But the usual POA (general and specific) and unfortunately wills. With the specific make sure it's COMPLETELY filled out! If you have joint credit cards you can tell them he's deploying and they shouldn't charge interest. Do you know any other LDS people cuz my MIL suggested hubby to bring the anointing oil (I think that's what it's called)

and don't forget to take deep breaths and get in as muh time together as you can!!! I'm totally here if you need anything and you know I'll be praying for you both.

Birdie said...

Well, deployments suck regardless of when they leave. Spouse had pre-deployment leave and I remember telling him that it felt like torture, trying to enjoy him but knowing that it would end with goodbye no matter what. The most practical advice I have is to make sure you have your power of attorney locked down and also make sure you know who to call if a business/apartment/person is giving you a hard time with it. Other than that just watch his pay to make sure you're not shorted or overpaid because that will just me more stress for you. Don't be afraid to ask his command for help!! That's their job!
Other than that you just survive. You will have good days and very dark days but you won't even recognize your strength when he returns. Your strength and independence will grow hugely from this, but it will still be hard without your love:( *Hugs*

The Sometimes Single Mom said...

My husband is over in ASSganistan right now as well, how neat would that be if they met!?

Ok, now in all seriousness ya'll need to get in with JAG and get your wills done, you need to get any and all powers of attorney that you think you're going to need.... basically anything of his that your name isnt on you're going to need a POA. Murphy likes to come visit a lot when there is a deployment.

Make sure you stay busy, take up a hobby, go back to school, work... something. Don't think that because he is gone that your life has to stop, it doesn't. I'm sure Mr. Superman wouldn't want you sitting at home all the time. Make plans to go see family when you can.

Make sure his SGLI is up to date. Have you thought about the TSP (Thrift Savings Plan) to put his deployment money in each month? The SDP draws 10% interest and if you're wanting to save some serious cash, that would be the way to do it.

And... never say "good-bye" because that is permanent... it's "see you later" or "see you soon". =)

If you need anything, you can e-mail me anytime =)

Steph said...

Sorry to hear this is all happening so quickly.

I think everyone has pretty much covered everything that needs to be done before he leaves.

While he is gone the most important thing is to stay busy. And remember that the stronger and braver you are while he is gone, the prouder yourself and him will be of you.

Maranda said...

It has already been said but Powers of Attorney and Wills are huge.

I would also sit down together and discuss the goals. What you two want to gain out of this deployment. And expectations. It can be anything from financial goals and or worries to what he expects from you and vice versa. The most important thing while he's gone is communication. Write to him as much as possible, whether it's email or snail mail. Send care packages.

He needs to not be afraid to tell you what he needs either. But understand he will be busy and can't always get back to you.

My husband says to him: "don't freak! Don't panic. Just remember your training and know that your brothers will be there to back you up."

Please let me know if you need anything at all ever. I/we will be here for you! For you both...whatever you need.

Radiant Readhead said...

the girs have pretty much hit all the usual, POAs, wills, keeping busy, etc. The one piece of advice i have that he can get you to help you through the first week or so is get you a gift card to get pampered at a salon. when my hubby deployed I looked like and felt like crap that first week. He had gotten me a $200 GC for a spa and I got a facial and massage and hair done. when I left i looked lik hell, when i came back my family said i looked refreshed and better, and i actually did!!! best gift he ever got me!

allissa said...

I'm so sorry, I wish I had advice, but I'm no longer a part of the mil world.. I am here for you though, whatever you need! Call, email, facebook, I'm there! Love you, girl.

Whitney said...

I'm sorry girl!

stacie-marie said...

get a general POA we didn't this time because we are overseas and basically everything takes a special and we weren.t going to run around and get all of those but back in the states a general should at least get your foot in the door if something goes wrong.. dont take I will call you later or tomorrow or IM you later or tomorrow literally cus most likely it wont happen they are in a war zone not a business trip and they dont have a set schedule but remember that he wanted to call you as much as you wanted him to and you are always always always in the back of his mind and my hubby now says I will contact when I can and I know that he will.. YIM, AIM or Skype will be your best friend cus 1)either the phones suck out there or dont work at all or 2) the lines are hella long ..I would try to get a cell phone with these capabilities alot of smartphones have messengers and Iphone has apps for these as well it will make it easier for you to live your life.. the first time you miss his phome call or IM you will feel like sh*t the whole rest of that day but sometimes it happens and it wont be the last time it happens just use that opportunity to say hey I last I know he is ok is thinking of me and last but not least as cliche as it sounds and I myself am guilty of this after long periods of contact NO NEWS IS GOOD NEWS the military has a certain amt of hours to notify if anything happened to your man and it ranges in between 2-8 hours depending on the situation so if for some reason it has been a couple days since last contact no news is good news... oh yeah and dont let anyone tell you how you are suppose to handle this deployment everyone handles things in their own way

Dave and Ashley said...

*hugs*

I read through your comments, and you have GREAT advice here and I do not want to have you waste your time re-reading it all from when you should be spending every second with your husband.

Just know - you will be okay! and you will get through every single day - some will be more difficult than others and then some you will end them and be like "wow, did I really pass through that day so easily?"

Don't count days til you see him again - count something with a much smaller number (we do paychecks!)

And tell him not to hold back on what he wants sent to him - let him be greedy, selfish, picky - 'cause when he gets it, he will be so happy.

thinking of you *

Jessica said...

Oh sweety! I am so sorry! I am sending hugs your way!

We are REALLY REALLY close to the beginning of our 3rd deployment (my hubby is headed to Afghanistan too)...and I learn new stuff each time. My advice...POA...get it and have lots of extra copies. Keep copies of ALL paperwork...POA, Hubby's orders, just everything...always have them handy. I know you don't want to think about this, but do get a will(both of you) Make sure you know all account info (never know if you may need to use it) Make sure you know who to contact for broken a/c's, or broken cars, or broken whatever...because it will break during deployment...it's just one of those things. Be sure to get skype, im, or some form of chat...it won't always work, but when it does it will be great.
I always send a journal with my hubby too so he can share with me how he is really doing...it really helped us connect.
In the meantime, enjoy the days while he is here as much as possible!
Again, I am so sorry and sending hugs your way! I will be praying for both of you!

halfaworld said...

I'm so sorry. I wish I had advice, but... well... I haven't actually experienced a deployment yet. And frankly, I've put the thought out of my mind until I'm forced to deal with it.

All I can offer is thoughts and prayers.

Allie said...

Mrs S I am SO sorry! Ryan and I have been through an Iraq deployment and I can try and help you out if you want...

Just be there. That is the most important thing. I wrote Ryan an email every single night about my day. He wrote back when he could. I also recorded videos and emailed them as we didn't have skype.

Care packages are amazing. I loved making them and he loved getting them.

And pray. It does amazing things.

<3 email me if you ever need to talk imyewneek@yahoo.com

Kathi said...

I recently stumbled across your blog and have really enjoyed reading your posts. I cant offer any real advice to you about your situation, becuase I have not been married to a service member, only dated them. However, I CAN tell you that I will be praying for you. Stop by my blog if you have a chance.

Be Blessed,
Kathi

Ashleigh said...

Advice? Pray. Don't try to be too strong. Let yourself be sad. Don't feel guilty. Let yourself be happy when you're happy. I used to feel SO guilty on my happy days, like I should be miserable all the time.

I've been meaning to come comment on here for a while now, I usually read my blogs via my mytouch in the middle of the night while nursing Julius so don't always comment. Just know that I'm here, reading, thinking of you and mostly PRAYING for his safety and both your comfort. Loves.

Miss E said...

Everyone has said everything that I would have said, but just know that every one of us is here for you. Know that you can throw all your stress on us because you very well may need the help of us. If you need anything please let me know!!! I will do everything that I can

Erin said...

Make sure all your paperwork is in order. Wills, power of attorney etc. And find out what the power of attorney covers. I had some rude awakenings when i went to fill out paperwork, but was denied because my husbands power of attorney didn't cover whatever I was trying to do for him.

Make a list of the things you want to suspend. Like car stuff and cell phone etc. Some phone companies will suspend for free because of deployments and some won't.

Make a budget. Deployment money can be more than what you usually make, so it's easy to over spend during that time. It's ideal to use that extra money to save or pay off debt. My husband and I saved and did something special together when he got home.

Good luck! If you need anything, I'm here. I've been through it.

SHILLIG4FAMILY said...

You are in my prayers!
I will need advice at some point but have yet to experience this yet.
You can do it!