4.15.2010

Currently Failing at Life

Its one of those days. No, its one of those weeks months. I know that sometimes I can be a little over dramatic but I am so not being over dramatic right now.

I feel like my body is falling apart and I am 22 years old. I have lost more body parts and have been cut open more in the last 12 months than most people I know that are 70. I have had to go to the ER, and three doctors in the last 10 days. That is insane. Apparently my migraines and daily nose bleeds are the effects of my super rare blood disease that by the way, got diagnosed this morning. Sweet. I had planned on going to class, getting certified on some skills and having them signed off, then trying to finish cleaning my house, do my homework, then get the Mr. from base to do some running then grocery shopping. It was supposed to be a normal Thursday. You know, just another day with too much to get done and not enough time. 

I can't seem to balance my new status as nursing student with what I have come to be as a great wife who keeps a clean, organized house with yummy dinners every night. I haven't cooked since before we left for AZ which seems an eternity ago. I can't get my homework done every night without breaking down over how much information each assignment and chapter entails and how I am magically supposed to soak it all up, remember it, then ace the giant tests every few days. FAIL.

To top it all off its getting harder to paste on a smile every other day when I find out another friend or acquaintance is expecting a baby. Don't get me wrong, I really do get excited and happy for them, and most of them are the most deserving people I know, but after 2 1/2 years of nothing but trying and hoping for a baby only to lose two precious children, my fallopian tubes, and what seems like all hope of having a child of our own, on our own.... Like I said, its getting harder. Harder doesn't even begin to explain how it feels but I won't keep going on.

Despite the horrible day/week/month I have had I know that it could always be worse. I am extraordinarily lucky to have Mr. Superman by my side, at home, and the life that we have built for ourselves. I have great family and friends and of course, my Heavenly Father. Besides, I still have to go get the Mr., do my homework, and go grocery shopping. When it rains, it pours but life doesn't care enough to pause for you to grab an umbrella.

Sorry for the rant/falling apart. I hope you all are having an enjoyable day and lovely week. For me its the start of my weekend. Hopefully I'll be more put together by the next time I decide to blog.

♥ Mrs. S.

10 comments:

A Marine's Wife! said...

breathe. you can handle it all, you are strong and can do anything you put your mind to..and anything that you WANT to do

Team Mama said...

In my prayers! You need to have Cody give you a blessing! While it may not fix all...it can give you strength to go on and deal with your life! Will call for more information on blood disease... scary sounding! Much much much love!

Jaime said...

sorry that you're feeling so overwhelmed right now.
just remember that perfection isn't an attainable goal and you're always going to set yourself up for failure if you try for perfection.
praying that God heals your heart and your hurts in the baby making area. He really does... it just takes some time.

Mrs. Ma'am said...

Girl, you are not failing at life. You are doing perfectly fine. I am sorry things are getting rough, but stay strong and push passed it. Once you do, you will be refreshed and like new!

Eric and Marie said...

:(
It will get better! You deserve for it to get better and it will all be worth it in the long run!

Amber said...

Sending hugs your way! I'm so sorry!!!!! But it sounds like finding out what is wrong with you, and being able to treat it now is the first step to getting healthy again. Everything will fall into place as it should. Stay strong!!!!!

JG said...

I'd say with your attitude and strength, you aren't failing, you're winning. You have not let your circumstances determine your outlook on life, and that is a victory. Praying for you.

starberri321 said...

I love you. I'm happy that you're in school and that you and cody are doing good, and that he is such an amazing guy and husband to you because you completely deserve it. I'm so sorry to hear about all of your hard trials right now. I tried for a year, but never did have a miscarriage, and I obviously didn't have to go under any surgeries. But... you do have 2little beautiful babies waiting for you up in heaven. I love and miss you, and I'll be praying for you, especially because of this rare blood disease, please give more information on that when you get it, I check on your blog all the time. Miss you.

Lindsay @ Just My Blog said...

I'm so sorry you're feeling so "blah" and I really hope it gets better for you soon.

Ricky & Kara said...

I admire you.