The One Where I Fall Apart

Yeah. I have been at a total loss for words lately. I have had zero desire to blog and if it weren't for this break down I have going on right now, I still wouldn't be blogging. This is the one where I fall apart. The one where despite all of my attempts, efforts, energies, and vows to keep it together, I fail. I mean epically. The one where my oath of being stalwart and brave, if for no other reason than to not let my husband, you know the one actually going to war, see me lose it, is broken.

I try really, really hard to keep our personal lives (discussions, tiffs, super personal stuff) off the blog. I just don't think its the place for it. This isn't anything against people who do air it all out, its just not for us. I also make a very conscious effort to not complain. It irks me so badly when all I hear or see or read is military spouses (or anyone really) complaining. An occasional vent session is fine. Everybody has to let off steam somehow but complaining about schedule changes, date move-ups, date push-backs, new orders, no orders, dramadramadrama, and telling everybody on Facebook and Twiiter how sad/depressed you are, or how much you hate this or that, does nobody, I mean NOBODY any good. It actually, to me at least, makes me perceive you as a little juvenile and quite frankly, obnoxious.

Now here is where some people might start calling me a hypocrite. As I said, I lost it. And I have to let this out.

I know some people have already heard, but Mr. Superman is not getting leave. At all. Under any circumstances. Why? No reason. I mean seriously there has been no reason given other than "You don't get leave. Its straight from Command." WTFrick??? Yes, its just Mr. Superman. "Well everyone else is getting leave because they had it on the calender a long time ago." Okay idiot, my husband didn't have leave on the calender months ago, because he just found out he was deploying. Why so last minute? Because of another ignorant Airman's mistake. Now add to that frustration, the fact that he not only has meetings, appointments, and briefings during the day but still works his shift of 1445 (2:45 PM) to 2300 (11:00 PM) and still doesn't get home until nearly midnight, it means it was really only a matter of time before I broke.

And break I did. Mr. Superman was told he would be getting off early tonight since he had his first appointment of the day at 0900. It wasn't the first time he's been told this and it definitely wasn't the first time I got a text saying, "I'm not getting off early."

That was the straw that broke the camels back. I mean that camel is paralyzed now.

"Are you freaking serious? Why not?"

"Because there's only 4 people here now and we have to send someone down to the bomb dump at 1700 to help with a huge inventory."

"Nice. So you're screwed over, once again. I am so sick of this."

A few more text exchanges and then I did it. I let him know that I broke.

"It's not your fault. I am just so sick of the lack of concern and consideration for you and your family. There is no follow through on anyone's part. I hate everything about this deployment and its making everything a million times harder not being able to spend time with you. You have no idea how hard its been NOT to fall apart and complain and be upset. Or how many times I've gone into the bathroom or gotten into the shower so I could have a breakdown without having to worry about what it would do to you if you saw me lose it."

FAIL

FAIL

FAIL

FAIL

You wanna know what happened then? I cried. HARD. Actually, it began with the first text, and quickly got progressively worse. First a few tears, then enough that I had to go wash off my makeup, then sobs, then the big ugly cry where I started to hyperventilate. It got so bad I nearly passed out because I wasn't getting enough air. It took a good fifteen minutes with my head between my knees before I could get up. Pathetic? Maybe. It was a long time coming though and I truly believe it is no where near from being over and finished. Pre-deployment breakdowns aren't something I can just wrap up in a neat little package and wait to open it until he leaves. I still feel horribly guilty that he now knows how hard this all is on me. Isn't that a deployment rule? Don't let your husband see you sad, angry or upset and most definitely, don't let him see you cry. Well he didn't see it but he knows.

I know its hard for him too but he's excited. He said it makes him feel like a legitimate soldier being sent over there. He said the worst part for him is just the amount of time that we're apart. For me, its being alone. Yes I will be living with my sister and the house will be far from empty, but I am alone. I will be surrounded by civilians that have no hope of getting it. I'm grateful I can go stay with family, I am, but being thrust back into a civilian world with absolutely no physical contact with this military world is tough. I will be going through our wedding anniversary, for the second year in a row, alone. I will be alone for the one year mark. I will be alone for our angel babies anniversaries. I will be alone for Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, and my birthday. I will be alone for a long time and its hard. Its just beginning to hit me how very difficult this is going to be, how I am no where near ready for it, and I can't do a single thing to stop it. Then I think about him going through all this stuff alone too and I feel immensely guilty again for having these thoughts and emotions.

My denial is getting me nowhere. The fact that I haven't packed my house doesn't mean I don't have to move in a few weeks. The fact that I don't do laundry doesn't mean Mr. Superman will have to stay because he doesn't have clean ABU's. Not cooking doesn't mean he won't be leaving. Me refusing to do prep paperwork, doesn't mean we won't be going to the lawyer tomorrow to write our wills. This is all so frustrating and aggravating. And terrifying. 

Its not fair that I don't get an ounce of extra time with my husband before he goes to war but it is what it is. We chose this life and we knew what it came with. It doesn't make it any easier but I did have to let it all out. I just keep telling myself I need to get to the point that I can function and appear normal and composed. That's all that matters. I need to believe this is the way this time in our lives is supposed to go. I need to believe he'll come home soon safely. He will. I believe that. I believe we will get stronger from this and that even though its going to be one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, that I will become a better person because of it all. Why do I have to believe all of this? Because its the only way to survive.

No One On the Corner's Got Swagga Like Us

Hey! I have Neidy posting today :) She's adorable and I love her blog because its got some fabulous music :) Her and Mr. Z. have very similar sense of humors as Mr. Superman and I. They're one of those couples that I just know we'd be friends with in real life. Do me proud Lovelies and show her some love. Go over to her blog and follow her too!

"First of all, Mr. Z and I are VERY strange people. We love to watch Jared Hess movies and laugh so hard we start crying...even when no one else gets it (and many of who don't like Napoleon Dynamite will understand this...even though we both think it's a brilliant movie). It's also okay for us to argue about football and be okay with it because we both think it's cute. And it's also okay for him to joke about calling me his Mexican maid and for me to say "could you not beat me tonight? I promise I'll stay in the kitchen and make your steak the way you want it to"...and laugh about it.

It's even okay when we're in tears at the airport about to be torn apart from a war across the ocean and still take out my macbook to take pictures of us make silly faces on photobooth.

But I think the WEIRDEST part about us is the one song that reminds of each other so much is:

Paper Planes by M.I.A.

You would think that you could probably find some really heartfelt song like "I honestly love you" by Olivia Newton John or even an alternative classic like "soul meets body" by Death Cab for Cutie (which is one of our songs...but not as much as this one). But no. We're content with our little idiosyncrasies. 

So let's get to how in the WORLD this song is pertinent in my life (although...I'm not a slumdog living in India scraping up money by any means in order to live...kinda the opposite).

"I fly like paper, get high like planes"

I actually DON'T get high by the way. I've actually been asked what I'm on quite a number of times just because I'm too happy for my own good. Mr. Z's the same way. 

Speaking of which...

One of the things that Mr. Z was telling me on his update from Afghan was the fact that they had certain "rules" they had to abide by. One of the rules, before his MCMAP (Marine Corps Martial Arts Program) class in the middle of the desert, was to verbally abuse him as much as possible. Why? Because he's so happy. 

Anyway, we both have very high standards and because we have such burning testimonies of how God is awesome, great, and wonderful, things don't seem to phase us as much. We fly like paper and glide through life like it's a cake walk. And we're always so giggly and happy that people often wonder what makes us so high like kites and where they can get some. 

And life is actually pretty difficult, but if you think of it in those terms...it seems like every day it just cruises right on through!

"Bona fide hustler making my name"

Okay, this just sounds outrageous. We're actually not hustling people, but we do have goals set for one another. That's something that has truly made my life into what it is now; setting goals is getting me to places that I want to be. I love knowing that one day I could just use everything I've learned to help someone in need--why??

THIS LITTLE GIRL WAS HUSTLING THAT'S WHY.

"No one on the corner has swagger like us, hit my on my burner prepaid wireless. We pack and deliver like UPS trucks. Already going heck* just pumping that gas."

If you could ever get advice from a song, this would be it. It sounds like it's not making ANY sense right? Well...it's true. No one on the corner HAS swagger like us. Really. Just kidding, I'm sure many of you do! But if anything, you should work as a team to get through things and keep working at it even when times get tough.

Now does it make sense?

I know the UPS truck thing was a little much, but just BEAR with me for a second. Mr. Z worked for UPS for a while so he can tell you about teamwork at UPS more than I can...but that's another post for later.

All in all though...

Songs are weird like that...you can take so much from them. And I guess you got a weird glimpse into what kind relationship Zach and I have...we're weird AND happy.

I heard this one quote from a girl.

"You know, life's a little weird. And we're a little weird. And when we get together with that one person in mutual weirdness, we call that love."

As hard as deployment is we should all try to remember that...making silly faces and all on photobooth and singing "NO ONE ON THE CORNER HAS SWAGGER LIKE US!" in the car with the music blasting. 

And remembering tender moments like that. That's what gets us through.

God bless :)"

Giveaway Time!

Hey there Lovelies, I apologize for my post disappearing. My guest post got pushed back to next week (I think) so be sure to go over there and show me some love NEXT Monday :) I was contacted last week by a fabulous lady named Monica. She makes some pretty fantastic stuff and offered up a custom military key chain from her collection, A Touch of A Hero, to my readers :) So here are the deets!

Follow our blog (1 entry)
Like our Facebook page Adventures of Mr. Superman & Mrs. S.  (1 entry)
Follow her blog In the Pursuit of Happy-Ness (1 entry)
Like her Facebook page A Touch of A Hero (1 entry)

Its easy because I included the links :)  

Please be sure to leave a comment for each so you get the correct amount of entries. 

Be sure to show her some millie love and support. Her blog is somewhat new so welcome her into our fabulous blogging support group mmk?

Giveaway closes September 11th at 12:00 PM EST- Eastern Standard Time

To Dance is Pure Happiness

I saw this on Monday over at Hope Floats. It had me in tears and laughing. It never fails to amaze me the freedom and happiness and love that can be expressed through dance. Be sure to watch the entire thing, its great. The Netherlands and Fiji are some of my favorites.

Pre-Deployment Brain

Gah! I am so freaking excited! Why? Oh only because I have one of my very favorite people posting today. Ashleigh from A Deployment Diary {In Hawaii!!}. Even though her and her gorgeous little family are in the middle of transitioning to semi-normalcy (read: temporarily not Army), she said she'd do a post on this subject anyways. Me and her are a lot alike and I wish I "knew" her because that'd mean I lived in Hawaii had another incredible real life bloggy friend. Be sure to go check her lovely self out.

 

 

"Pre-Deployment Brain. What is one supposed to do when deployment approaches and all you can think about is the stupid deployment?!

 

When my husband found out he was going to deploy, I was a few months pregnant, due to give birth to our first child three months after he had to leave. He received orders to deploy at the beginning of January, and was scheduled to leave in March. What the heck, dude. That gave us approximately eight weeks to squeeze in all the memories we could, as well as take care of any and all necessary paperwork, decide whether I was going to stay in school or fly home to New Zealand and all the other blah blah blah that comes with an earthshaking life event like deployment.

 

My life became a countdown. A countdown was measured by milk expiration dates.No joke. I would look at the milk in my fridge and think, that expiry date is pretty close to his departure date. When I was in the grocery store and saw milk that would expire the day my husband was leaving me for a year, I about had a meltdown right there in the store. I had only the shelf life of a gallon of milk left with my husband.

 

I know. I was a crazy lady.

 

I wanted everything to be perfect. If we were driving, and not talking, I felt like we were wasting precious togetherness time. If we didn't go on a date pretty much every night, I felt like we were wasting our precious time.

 

Yet, looking back I wish that I'd let us have those quiet moments of simplicity, because when he was gone, that was what I missed the most.

 

Most of all, I wish that I hadn't let the sadness of his approaching departure taint what really was our precious time together.

 

The last night he was here, we drove forty-five minutes to a neon bowling alley only to find that there was an hour and a half wait. Then we went out to eat a pretty mediocre dinner and came home. I wish we'd spent the evening doing the simple things at home that make life so great. I wish we'd taken in the sweet simplicity of being together, knowing how much we love each other, without saying a word.

 

Anyways, the point is, when a deployment is approaching, don't let it pressure you to make everything perfect. Enjoy the simplicity of an evening in. Enjoy the simple not-alone-ness that there is in sitting on the couch reading a book while he packs his gear. Enjoy it all. Enjoy every little imperfect moment.

 

And then when he's gone, rejoice in the fact that every time your milk expires, you are one gallon of milk's shelf life closer to his return. Happily, the time that's flying by now, bringing you closer to a deployment, will continue to fly by after he leaves bringing you closer to his return every day."

The 'Aha' Moment

Heyyyyy! I've got Allissa from Hope Floats. I am so stoked, I love this girl! This post is fabulous and something I think we can all appreciate. Even though it is directed to us MilSpouses (SO's), it can help anyone. Its her "aha" moment and I love that she shared it. Thanks girl!

"Being that I'm sure many of you lovelies are military women, planning is something I'm sure most of you have grown accustomed to NOT doing. I, on the other hand, am a planner by nature. It is impossible for me to stop planning every step I was going to make, even when I was in a relationship with a soldier. I planned. I planned our leave together, then the dates got changed. I planned the next leave he was supposed to get, and it got shortened, then he had to go for a month of training in Arizona and it got pushed back again. Then the training in Arizona got cancelled and all of my plans were shot. While I cried out of sheer frustration and missing my soldier who should have been home two months ago, I couldn't seem to grasp the fact that maybe I should plan to stop planning and let life take it's course. He came home in May and while planning to not plan, I planned a blissful 21 days together before he was off to his next post.

Since then we have broken up (amicably), he's getting ready to head to The Big Sandbox and I have worked through the sadness and found the big L with someone else. That was SO not the plan. I imagined my entire life differently than the way it is turning out. I never imagined coming from a 'broken' home, having parents that are married to other people. I never imagined I would have 6 siblings. I never imagined that at 23 years old I would be living at home with my mom, dating a boy that I'm not so sure people in my family would approve of. I never imagined I would still be in school because I just couldn't decide what I wanted to do with myself. I also never imagined I would be this happy having no clue where I'm headed.

My best friend is marrying the military, and I used to have such a hard time grasping how she (and most of you) could do it. How could you be so happy, yet not know where you'll be as soon as six months from now. After the whirlwind of a summer that I have had though, I woke up the other day and I realized exactly how you do it. You can accept the unknown when you have someone by your side who makes the unknown less scary. When you find that, it's a little bit easier to accept that you might not know where you're going, but you'll always be right where you belong. Abandoning the plan just might have been the best thing that ever happened to any of us."

Goodbye

Hey ya'll! I'm pretty stoked because today I have Carmen from We See the Same Stars and guess what?! I'm her first :) Ha ha I feel very honored that she is debuting her guest blogging skills on my blog. Be sure to go check her out. She's a brand new Marine bride but not new to being with a Marine guy. She's super sweet and caring and I just adore her.

"First, I’d love to extend my gratitude and thanks to Mrs. S. for letting me post on her blog. I’m utterly honored she was happy to host me. Second, I’ve been reading guest posts from Mrs. S. and they have all been wonderful, interesting, and I’ve loved reading all of them. However, I was really unsure of what to talk about. This is the first time I’ve guest blogged for anyone so I’m slightly nervous. With much thought, I finally came up with something to write about and just in case, get your tissues ready.

I wanted to talk about one word. The word that most people dread saying, avoid thinking about, and cry over once it’s actually said. I never thought I would say this word and have it affect my life so much. I didn’t know that the thing that would make me feel at my lowest low and make me cry more than I thought was capable of a person was that one word. Goodbye.

Goodbye can mean a lot of things to different people. Having experience dating my husband both before and while he was in the Marines the meaning of that word has changed drastically for me. I’m not trying to sound biased, but normally when you say goodbye to a friend that you just had lunch with, you always imply that you will see them again that same week (naturally) or at least soon! Once Mike left for boot camp goodbye changed to a whole new meaning. Or even for deployment, the meaning changed. When we first met in high school, we said goodbye to each other and it translated to I’ll see you tomorrow love. When he left for boot camp, it translated to I’ll see you in thirteen weeks and I hope you don’t change. Boot camp gave us a stronger and better relationship and then when he was deployed the goodbye meant I’ll miss you more than ever, please come back to me as soon as you can. Unfortunately, when he was in Iraq he got extended by two months so I had to wait even longer than anticipated. The most painful goodbye I have ever had was when I said goodbye to my momma and my family when I left to move in with my husband. Don’t get me wrong, I was ecstatic that I was married and was going to start my life with my husband but I was dreading the day that I had to hug my momma one last time and I didn’t know when I was going to see her again. So this goodbye translated to I love you so much, and I want to see you again soon but I really don’t want to say goodbye, not yet. Before you know it, it’s time to say goodbye and you just can’t bring yourself to say that one word. I know for some people goodbye might be easier than others although I realize that saying goodbye to your husband before he leaves is hard on all of us.

Goodbye to me means that for right now, we’re not together. That we are separated for a certain amount of time while you are gone, I’m going to miss you, love you more than you know, and dream about the day I get to see you again. I can think of all the things we did when we were together and all the fun we had.

Despite all this, there is one thing that is good about saying goodbye. Which is the hello. Hello is the complete opposite (duh, right?) of the goodbye in every sense. Instead of sad, you are happy. Your tears are for joy instead of for sadness. And your heart practically jumps out of your body at the very sight of the person you had been waiting months (or years depending on who you are) to see. Once you see this person, all the time you spent crying, being alone, “staying busy”, and wishing that you could be with him or her was well worth the wait.

I’ll be the first one to admit that I hated deployment. I hate spending time alone. I’m way too social of a person to spend an extending amount of time by myself. However, everything was worth it when I was able to see his face again. Relationships build when you spend time apart. I don’t really consider these words “wise” but I do believe that the goodbye that you say is all worth it and more once it comes time to say hello."

Check Yes or No

Today we have LAW sharing a very informative post on a little check box. LAW responded to Riding the Roller Coaster's FB plea a few weeks back saying I was in need of guest bloggers. Thanks so much LAW! Be sure to show her some of your Lovely lovin' :)



"There's a song that has been running through my head for the past few days.  "Check Yes or No" (George Strait) **  It started the ear worm journey when I read a post from Admiral Mullen who wants to do away with a certain check box.  During those days and weeks before deployment, service members fill out forms for pay,  insurance, wills, there's a whole checklist of medical, GI Bill of rights, dog tags... and somewhere in that stack, is  THE  check box, a check box that asks if the service member's family wants to be contacted.  Too many service members check - No.   I remember a form that asked for email addresses, and usually the service member put in HIS (or her) email address, not the address for their spouse.  As Admiral Mullen said about his effort to get rid of this box:

This effort will be a step toward keeping families better informed, and also will help to close a gap, particularly for Guard and Reserve families who often are far from the support of a military installation.....

I know there are FRGs that only contact the family members when they are fund raising, that do nothing at all for the families or that turn into a Peyton Place -  we all know those.  We all know that there are as many dysfunctional  FRGs as there are functional ones.  But.  And it's a major But.   Without the ability or permission to contact the family - the families miss out.  Not just on the holiday party or the Easter Bunny hunt - but on the  "just for military families" opportunities, the changes in certain benefits and most importantly on the support, the camaraderie, the family that will hold them up and be there at 2 am when they need it, the other men and women who do understand what they are going through and can empathize.

Talking to a former FRG leader, she remembered the young NCO who told her  that his wife didn't need any help, she had her support network of her family and friends and he didn't want her to be bothered by the unit.  Since our unit tends to not deploy en masse, we don't usually know who might be downrange, when and for how long, so we don't have phone trees or contact lists.  The soldier left, and the spouse called - she was having an emergency and her support network - well -  it wasn't!   I've talked to other family support leaders, who say the same thing - it's usually the military servicemember who is nervous about having his spouse talking to the rest of the unit, or the spouse who has had to go through a deployment with a dis-functional FRG that soured their outlook, and very often those are the ones who really need the contact, the help and the support.

The frustration of knowing that there are young spouses and family members out there, who WANT to know what is going on, and cannot understand why no one has called them - reading the "please help me, I don't understand" emails, blog comments or letters to military family websites from the families that need help and aren't getting that support - drives me batty.  We are a small microcosm of the public - we are that 1%.  We need to support each other - answer that call, be there for that cup of coffee or lunch, send a note, or just hang out together.  If we don't know who is out there - we can't help.
So - let's start a conversation - do you agree with Admiral Mullen?  Do you want to be left alone during deployment, or would you appreciate that phone call or the email from the family support?"

Adventures in Ambien

Hey ya'll, I've got Katie from Diary of a Disgruntled Marine Bride-To-Be and ...Take Me Down to the Little White Church... She is seriously fantastic. Love her. When she said she'd guest blog for me, we had a funny little conversation that actually led her to what she ended up writing about. Something about an email she didn't remember because of... well, you'll see. Read on. She had me and Mr. Superman rolling when we read it a few days ago.


"Mrs. S asked me to write a guest post a long time ago and I have, admittedly, been a bad blogger friend. Initially, I didn't know what to write about and when I gave her my list of possibilities, she said she could use some humor. This was before Mr. Superman and Mrs. S. received the news of the Big D and after all of this, I decided humor was definitely the way to go!

Let's start out with a few quick facts:

1. I never sleep. Calling me a raging insomniac is a huge understatement.
2. Due to previous illness and hospitalizations, medicine does nothing to knock me out. Have you ever heard of Haldol? It's the stuff they give the crazies in the ER to knock them out very.quickly. I can drive after they give it to me.
3. I've tried just about every sleeping pill on the market and it's hit or miss whether they will work on any given day.

Alright, to the humor. Have you guys read the warnings on Ambien? My doctor prescribed it in the latest negotiations with the Sand Man and I cracked up as I read to Frank, something along the lines of, "You may have sex or raid your kitchen or drive your car and have no recollection of it in the morning."

It sounded like wishful thinking to me.

Seriously, ya'll?!?! Ambien is no.freaking.joke.
 
I've taken it before and I swear they've made it stronger.

The first night I took it, I went to bed before Frank. When he came to bed, he found me in the guest room, where I proceeded to get teary eyed when I told him that I couldn't take Taber kicking me anymore and would see him in the morning. Apparently Taber was in the living room with Frank the entire time. And, I was spooning with Cowboy.

When I went home to get my wedding dress, I may or may not have gone into my sister's room to talk to her about jewelry for the engagement pictures at about 12:30 a.m. And if I did, I definitely didn't wake her up, turn on her light, talk to her for half an hour and go through her jewelry box.

And then there was the time that I may or may not have worried all day that Frank and I had a fight before he went to work. I thought he screamed at me after I refused to get up to help him find his PT sweat pants. Sweat pants.Camp Lejeune. July. Oh Ambien, you joker.

And I definitely, because it would be too weird and I would be too ashamed to admit it, did not pet Frank for a good twenty minutes one night while he was trying to sleep after spending the week in the field. Our dinner convo the next night didn't go something like this:

"Babe, did you take an Ambien last night?

"Um, maybe, why?"

"Because you were petting me. And babbling on and on about something. I was going to take advantage of you, but I thought that might be against some law."

"Frank, you have lost your mind. You have some vivid dreams."

"Babe, you should really consider giving up the Ambien."

I should give up the Ambien. And I tried. But, the insomnia is horrible. So I snuck back to my beloved Ambien.

And then I found myself wandering in the backyard, in the middle of the night, when Frank was in the field. I was trying to get Taber to come inside and I swear, he really was outside, but I kept thinking the brush and stack of pavers beside the shed were moving. I know Taber ignores me, but my goodness, they didn't even blink at my pleas to come in the house.

That was the night I vowed to never take Ambien again...unless Frank is at home.

Oh Ambien, dear, sweet, bringing on the antics that I don't remember in the morning, Ambien, we have such a love/hate relationship.

And, just for the record, I never did any of this. Really, I'm serious. Never."

A Little Weekend Sumpin Sumpin

*Edited* Hello!! In the last two weeks or so I have gained nearly forty new followers!! FORTY! Just a handful of you have actually come out from behind your comfortable lurker status to say hey but for the most part, I don't know who you are. I want that to change! Why?

That's why. So don't be shy, and if you haven't already, tell me you're a new follower, leave me your link and I will be sure to come stop by your place and say hey too :) I try to keep up and follow all my Lovelies in return but I can't do that if I don't know who you are.

If you have a military blog be sure to check out my post about Linking the Lovelies to get in on that action as well. Also, just to get some more background on me and Mr. Superman, feel free to read the Dear Mrs. S. page and Our Angel Babies page as well.

On a completely unrelated tangent, thank you to everyone who has become a fan on Facebook of our blog page! It is greatly appreciated. For those who are still a little lost and confused about what some of the things in my right sidebar are, there are all the buttons you can click to come visit me on other social networks. You can go become a part of my community on BlogFrog, Like our Facebook Page, Add the real me on Facebook, Follow me on Twitter, and coming soon, I will be unveiling my Etsy shop! Just be sure to let me know who you are in the blogging world so I don't feel like an idiot.

Also, to the few people who have messaged me about my blog layout being messed up... its not me its you. Ha ha, really though, I know there are a few of you that the layout won't load completely and that's because your server just isn't able to load all the html and java as quickly as it should. I did consult a few people and I think I may have it fixed. I'm not a dumdum and I did not select a striped layout to have behind my posts. If it loads correctly on your computer, the posts background is solid white. If you're still having issues, all I can say is sorry Charlie!

I want to give major, super, ginormous THANKS to all of my wonderful, glorious, and fabulous Guest Bloggers who have been an incredible help and stress reliever to me in the last couple weeks. They will continue to be the main attraction on here for a while until my husband is gone to Afghanistan, my house is packed, and I am back and settled in in Arizona life gets a little less stressful and crazy. I am also in need of more people willing to become a part of the elite Mrs. S. Guest Blogger Society. I won't be calling anybody out but I had a good 57 people actually volunteer and accept my invitation to be a guest and more than half of those people have flaked. So if you wanna be a doll and have me love you forever, feel free to email me and let me know!

Between this very unexpected and disorganized deployment, the cysts that have decided that now would be a good time to take up residence on my ovaries, the very short amount of time to pack everything up, and tie up the millions of loose ends a deployment requires, I want to apologize for for being a bit MIA in the comment arena. I know most of ya'll understand and for that I thank you. When life decides to give me a bit of a break, I'll be back, I promise. Probably with lots of pictures and stories of this little guy vampire since I'm moving in with my sister and her husband and four kids. Its going to be an adventure.

Until then though. here's a rather long (but it just so happens to be the short version) rundown of what's been going on in the Superman Household.

Some of you may remember my Twitter and Facebook posts about being held prisoner by bugs in my own house. About how I found a giant cockroach so I went out back to get our bug spray and in the middle of me opening my back door, the world's largest spider proceeded to attempt to run inside. I screamed and slammed the door and went and curled up on the couch until a few hours later Mr. Superman came home. He just kind of nodded and smiled when I told him about said world's largest spider and went to go take a peek. He hollered and came back inside and Lovelies, I kid you not, grabbed one of his iron golf clubs. It ended up not being necessary because I had actually killed it when I slammed the door but nonetheless, Mr. Superman learned not to doubt me.

Mr. Superman also surprised me and planned a date. It was the first date in so long I can't even remember and it was a fabulous time. We went and watched The Other Guys and stumbled upon this fabulous restaurant nestled in the woods on the way to our pre-destined dinner place. Its called Creekside Tavern. If you are ever in Valdosta, be sure to go eat there.

I also have gotten some surprises in the mail. I got this cute little sign that I won in Nicole's Giveaway.

My BFF Brighteyes surprised me and sent me this beauty that I have been admiring at Hobby Lobby for no less than two years. Mr. Superman thought I was losing it because well... I lost it. I blame it on my medicine. Seriously.

I got the beautiful paper flower boutonniere's from Katie which I don't have a picture of but here they are.

Yesterday found us in the middle of an adventure worthy of Indiana Jones. Seriously. Let me divert for a minute. We're from Arizona. Well I really am from there and Mr. Superman claims to be because its just easier that way. Anyways, we are from The Valley of the Sun and we are accustomed to the stuff that that entails. You know, 117 degree weather, no seasons, tumble weeds, corn fields, monsoons, ASU vs U of A rivalry and scorpions. Lots and lots of scorpions. I actually had the misfortune to get stung 7 times by one of these nasty little buggers in my right leg. It was my senior year and I was sitting on the floor with newspapers spread out everywhere. I was searching for the perfect article to do my latest current event project for my Government class. I was in some baggy comfy pants and I felt a tickle. I scratched. More tickles so I kind of pinched. It pinched back. HARD. It started to pinch more and it was moving from my shin and calf area and heading much farther north. I was freaking out and I tore from my room, screaming, jumping and continuing to get pinched. By the time I got to the family room where my mom was, I had ripped my comfy pants off and was still jumping up and down. Now keep in mid it was nearly midnight and my dad and brother had headed to bed a good three hours previously. My mom goes and gets me bag of frozen peas while she goes and wakes my Pops. It took about a half hour but my daddy ended up finding the tiny little culprit and killing it. My parents debated taking me to the ER but I said I just wanted to go to sleep. Fast forward to about 5 AM. I wake up suddenly and see a huge dark shape above me. I nearly scream. It was my dad, with his ear to my face. His response? "I was trying to make sure you were still breathing." Awe, how sweet. I get up about an hour later and stump to the bathroom. I say stump because that was what my right leg felt like. It hurt but it was numb. It was HUGE. My little brother Butch came in there and his first reaction... "What the heck happend to your leg!?" I swear ya'll, it looked like I had elephantiasis. Ever since then, I was super careful about laying on the floor.

Now back to our Indiana Jones adventure. We decided yesterday to try and finish packing up our office. There were some boxes in there that had been packed back in November of 2008 and had been permanently sealed up since January of 2009. From then on those boxes just sat in closets, still sealed, in both Utah and then Georgia. We opened our electronics box to sort through all the old charges, cords, wires, micro-chips, memory cards, etc. so it could be re-sealed and added to our storage pile. We get nearly down to the bottom and I FREAK THE HECK OUT. Dude, there was an effing scorpion in there and I had almost effing grabbed it!! Mr. Superman starts laughing and I nearly passed out. No joke. We slowly pick up and shake out the remainder of stuff and throw it aside. Mr. Superman then attempted to be smooth and failed. He had a glass bowl and tipped the box upside down thinking the scorpion would go in the glass bowl. WRONG. It hit the ground and RAN. I could almost hear it screaming, "FREEEEEDOOOMMMM!" a la Braveheart. Something that should have taken about two seconds, ended up taking twenty minutes because he then had to empty the entire office.

After it was killed we did some research, just still in awe that this scorpion had lived for so long without food or water. Well did you know that they can live without food or water for nearly two years? Yeah. Makes them even worse. Blech.

While putting the office back together, I was sorting and folding and stacking all of Mr. Superman's deployment stuff he's been issued so far.

I've also asked him a few times if its irony that him going off to war makes our house look like a war zone. Our office looks like it vomited camo. Oh the car too, since half his stuff is still in ther

I've been doing a whole lot of snuggle loving with my cuddle bug.

I also want to give a massive, gratitude filled THANK YOU to the beautiful Mrs. Muffins. Because of her kindness, we have a photographer who will be doing our pre-deployment pictures for us tomorrow! I had a horrible experience trying to find an OpLove photographer willing to do our pictures, nearly had a breakdown witnessed by many via Twitter and Facebook when the heaven sent Mrs. Muffins took it upon herself to locate a photographer in our are and plead our case. I meant what I said woman, I'm gonna do something fabulous for you. Many thanks to everyone else who has been so kind, concerned, understanding, loving, and for expressing it all to us. All of your advice and kind words have been extraordinarily helpful and mean the world to us.

Now I'm off to get me some cuddle time with Mr. Superman. Happy Weekend :)

Total Money Makeover!

Hey Lovelies! I have Bonnie from The "Sometimes Single" Mom today and I am EXCITED!! She's here to share what she's learned from Dave Ramsey and if any of you have questions, she is up for doing a Q&A post in the future so feel free to ask questions!


"First I would like to thank Mrs. S for having me as a guest. I love reading her blog and was so excited that she asked me to be a guest!

Thanks, Mrs. S! ;-)

Ok, before I get into my post I’m going to give you a moment to get yourself situated. Get comfy, grab a cup of coffee (or whatever your pleasure is) and enjoy!

Over the last few months I’ve become a little obsessed with our finances. My husband “brings home” a pretty decent paycheck and I just couldn’t see where we were spending so much money. I’ve known about the “Dave Ramsey” program for quite some time, and when I first found out about the program I was in major denial.

Yes, we are in debt… just like most Americans. We have little consumer debt, I have some “stupid teenager/young adult” debt, we have a car payment, I have student loans from my Associate’s degree (Thank you Post 9/11 G.I. Bill for giving me what I paid into! But that’s another post for another day). Total, we are about $50,000 in debt. That’s a lot of money to owe people, and I’ve finally had enough.

The Dave Ramsey Program is really just a common sense kind of deal. One of which I am proud to say that I am ready to begin!

Let me go ahead and break down the program for you. The steps are broken down into “Baby Steps” (that makes it much less over whelming in my opinion).

Keep in mind that before you begin the baby steps, if you are behind on any bills try to get current on the ones you are behind on, and make a budget.

Baby Step 1 – Baby Emergency Fund – Save $1000 as fast as you can. This little savings is just in case Murphy decides to pay a visit. You’ll have the cash to pay for whatever the emergency is. Keep in mind, this is for real emergencies… like if your hot water heater goes out, car needs repair, etc… not for a cute pair of shoes that are drastically marked down that you must. have.

Baby Step 2 – Pay off all your debts (except your mortgage if you have one). List your debts from smallest to largest (not the smallest interest rate). The smaller the debt, the quicker you get it paid off. Then you use the money that you would have used to pay off the previous debt and apply it to the new debt. And any “extra” money you find, put it towards your debt.

Baby Step 3 – Start your Emergency Fund – this is separate from your BEF (baby emergency fund). This is for 3 – 6 months of living expenses. It’s completely up to you how much you want to have in this fund, but in case you or your spouse loses their job (or for us military folks, something happens and we can no longer rely on the military for a steady paycheck), you want to have enough saved so that you can live for a few months if you and/or your spouse can’t find a job right away.

Baby Step 4 – Start saving 15% of your income for retirement. You can put this money in Roth IRA or if your employer will match your funds, go through their retirement program. If you aren’t sure about investing, get with an ELP in your area to help you out.

Baby Step 5 – Save for your children’s education. I think that speaks for itself. Put as much money away as possible to help pay for your kids to go to college. You don’t have to save enough to put them completely through, but in this day and age, anything to help them out with college is awesome.

Baby Step 6 – Pay off the mortgage early. Dave Ramsey recommends that you only buy a house when you can put 20% down and get a 15 year mortgage… but if you didn’t do it the “Dave Ramsey way” then that’s ok too. Since most people will combine BS (baby steps) 4, 5, and 6 just put whatever extra a month towards the mortgage payment. Whenever you have a loan and you pay more then what the monthly payment is, the “extra” money you send in goes directly towards the principle loan. That means, the quicker you pay on the principle, the less money in interest the finance company is getting from you. Sounds good doesn’t it?

Baby Step 7 – Build wealth… and give!

I hope that makes sense. If you’re really interested in starting the program, remember that you don’t have to do everything “by the book.” A lot of people slightly vary from the program and still manage to get their debt paid off fast! You can get “Total Money Makeover” from your local library (which I’m sure Dave would absolutely approve of) or you can buy it. DaveRamsey.com usually has some pretty good sales on a lot of the things that will help you become debt free, but the only thing I have bought is TMMO (Total Money Makeover) on iTunes. I definitely recommend reading his book… and if you aren’t very religious, be prepared because he makes a lot of (totally relevant) references to the Bible. For me, hearing him compare the gazelle and cheetah to finances, completely made sense.

For my family, we are putting all of the hubs “hazardous duty pay” in savings and not touching it since we’ll be moving back to the United States after this deployment. (By the time we leave Germany, we’ll have been here for 4 years… and while I know I am going to miss it, I am ready to get back to America!) The only extra money we aren’t putting away is the Family Separation Pay. We’re starting our snowball with that and I’m hoping to have the majority (if not all) of the consumer debt and my “stupid teenager/young adult” debt paid off. And since we don’t have a mortgage, I’m thinking we will talk about buying a house and how much we want saved before we start looking.

Well, I hope you enjoyed this post as much as I have enjoyed writing it. =) I really enjoy sharing what I’ve learned with others in hopes that it may help someone else."

3 Weeks Later

Hey there Lovelies! Its Thursday, thank heavens, and its time for another Guest Blogger full of fabulosity. Its Amber from Goodnight Moon! I just love her. She's gorgeous, funny, super honest, and has the cutest family ever. Be sure to check her out :)

Mrs. S

invited me

to write a guest blog post for her

(and I must admit

I get super nervous writing for other blogs)
about
what life has been like
transitioning back to
"normal"
whatever that is
since
my Fox returned home from his deployment.
As soon as the chickens
and
I
brought Fox home
I must admit
it was alittle awkward.
I was actually glad that the kids were here
as a buffer.
They went crazy
jumping
and
running circles
all around him.
I just sat there
and
watched the craziness.
Fox
and
I
exchanged smiles as our eyes locked on to each other.
We couldn't keep our eyes off one another.
It was such a great feeling.
It was like we were teenagers again
playing the hard to get game.
We really didn't speak much because the kids
were acting so crazy excited.
When we finally had a moment together
we just embraced.
Our hugs were so tight
our kisses were so
gentle
and
soft.
And then....
he wanted to see my new
"goods".
I think he fell in love all over again
with them....
I mean
with me.
It was like we were on our honeymoon again.
There wasn't a moment
besides when he had to go back to work
which was immediately
that we weren't together.
We were constantly
holding hands
eye gazing at each other
kissing
hugging
snuggling
spooning
leaving love notes around the house for each other
saying "I love you" face to face
feeding each other grapes
okay
not really
but
it was pretty awesome to finally have him back
in the flesh.
I looked over every inch of his body
no kidding either!
Something that I realized
was that I had forgotten
what his feet looked like.
Isn't that weird?

Seriously...
I looked at his toes
and
I had to take a second look.
I had forgotten that his toe beside his big toe
is bigger then his big toe.
It made me sad to think that during his deployment
I had forgotten what his toes looked like.
The kids had a hard time when Fox had to go back to work.
They completely freaked out when they woke up
and
came into our room
and
daddy wasn't laying in bed.
When I told them that
"daddy was at work"
they started crying for him.
Daddy has been at "work" for the past 7 mths
in Afghanistan
and
in their little minds
that meant that daddy
was going to be gone for a long time again.
Now everynight when we tuck the kids into bed
Fox has to tell them
that when they wake up
he won't be here
but
he will be home for dinner.
Now that Fox has been home for 3 weeks
things are back to normal.
It's as if he never left.
Which is a really weird feeling.
Fox isn't just the "fun" parent any longer
he now gets on the kids for misbehaving
and
I can be a "fun" parent again.
He does all his husband duties around the house
and
some of my housewife duties
which has been awesome!
He has also made himself a wish list
of really expensive gadgets.
Like I said
it's as if he never left.
Now
Fox
and
I
can finally say
Goodnight
under the same moon.

I've Got Navy Pride, I Mean Marine, I Mean Army...?

Hey ya'll, I want you to give it up to Chelle! No, not me, Chelle from It's A Hooah Life. She was my very first MilSpouse bloggy friend. She never fails to crack me up and she is just all around fabulous. Please PLEASE PLEASE be sure to check her out and show her some love :)

"I remember the day that Dirt Diver came home and said he would definitely be heading off to the Army’s WTC. I looked at him sideways and just about died inside. As much as I knew that was what he wanted, there was a part of me holding onto the hope that he would change his mind again, actually go take the Oregon State Trooper test and we would live the lives of civilians without a care in the world. Pssh please girlfriend, as if that would EVER happen in our life.  I seriously think my life is MEANT to be on a permanent rollercoaster to keep me in check while everyone else around me is doubled over in hysterics at our lives.

The Army was a foreign subject to me, I grew up with retired Navy grandpa, my mom was in the Seabees, and my town was literally less then 10 minutes from Miramar Naval Air Station, now known as Miramar Marine Corps Air Station. Some of my best memories in high school were hanging out with one of my friend’s brother who was stationed there with his friends. (Side note I watched that base go through so many changes, that even now when I drive on it, I still only see the old base that I saw as a kid). I stupidly married a Marine aka The Spew of Satan for 4 years. I married Dirt Diver who was in the Navy and was a Navy wife for 6 years. My whole life is Navy and Marine Corps!

Off he went and off I went searching for message boards, blogs, articles, ANYTHING that would give me an inkling as to what the Army life was about. Because to be honest the only thing I knew was that they didn’t wear their sleeves up (no more nice biceps bulging outta perfectly tight roll), they gave up on the crisp clean 8 point cover, their ACU’s look faded and frumpy, and they were stuck in a horrible deployment schedule compared to anyone else.

That is when reality hit me that the Army may still be the military like every other branch but there was still a crap ton of things I didn’t know. I didn’t truly grasp the concept of how many bases there are. Or that the Army doesn’t call their base a base they are posts. I swear if one more person looks at me like I’m speaking a foreign language because I say base, I’m gonna have to slap a foo.

Did you know that the Army doesn’t call their parking lot the “grinder”? I know! Shocker huh? Imagine my surprise when people looked at me weird. (You’d think I would be used to being looked at weird by now, huh? Nope not even close.) Or that the Army’s acronym for SRB is “Service Reenlistment Bonus” not “Service Record Book”?

Here’s another thing to know, the Army is NOT like the Navy when it comes to saying what your husband does. I can no longer spit out “He’s on the Comstock” or “He’s on patrol at 32^nd for the night as a MA”. Nope and if you do spit it out now that you’re an Army wife just ANOTHER reason for people to look at you like you just spoke Dutch to them. Did you know how long the units are in the Army? Why can’t they shorten them for people who have short attention spans like me and can’t make it past the first group he’s with?

Another big shocker to me was the Army Pride I see everywhere. When we lived in San Diego and me at Camp Lejeune; you’d see it but not EVERYWHERE. Maybe it’s because part of this was before 9/11 or maybe because we didn’t live on base just in off base housing. I don’t know but it wasn’t everywhere I looked. Now I am gagging to death on the Army, Army Wife, and Hooah support items. Please don’t take this the wrong way since my truck and suv are both fully decked out in pride and our house is slowly converting; it just struck me as different from what I was used to.

Oh and the BIGGEST difference between the two that just has me dying… The Ball. I have spent the last 12 years going to balls ALWAYS in October/November because that is when the Navy/Marine Corps’ birthday is. I thought it was the same way in the Army. I’ve learned nope it’s not. Balls are held for the seasons, pre-deployment, post deployment, Army birthday or because Jim Bob jumped from a plane carrying a 20 foot orange kangaroo. There’s no rhyme or reason to them and it just really irritates MY silly visions of past years’ memories.

All in all, I am learning every day the difference between the branches and trying hard to fit in this new role as an Army Wife. I call things wrong all the time, say “good to go” like I’m running out of air, and I still say my husband’s “rate” is an MA. I yell “hit the deck” when the kids are in trouble or “hitting the head” when we’re out & about. I don’t mind the weird looks people give me though because it gives me another reason to laugh at myself, the crazy differences between the branches, and most importantly it’s just another reminder of how my life has brought me to where I am now."

Words of Wisdom from Mr. Superman

Hey Lovelies :) I hope you're having a great Tuesday. I'm hoping I am too since currently its Sunday and I finally have a spare minute to breathe and set up some posts for this week. Man why did nobody warn me about pre-deployment brain? Its insane. Wanna know the very first words out of my mouth this morning (Sunday, not Tuesday)? 

"Oh my gosh. *Groan* Oh frick. I think my head is seriously going to explode."

I know, I know, NICE. There you have it though, my honesty. Now for some lovely little gems of honesty from Mr. Superman :)

Background: Driving during a rain storm on our way home from our first date in a very long time.

Him: You know what, once in my life I will be growing a very gnarly comb over. I'll be one of those old men that everyone kind of laughs at because he is completely bald except a few strands above the ears. I'll grow one side out super long and comb it over to the other side."

Me: Whatever sweetie.

Him: I think I'll have about 30 years to do it. You know, I can start twenty years from now once I retire from the Air Force.

Me: Mmm Hmmm.

Him: I'll make sure I have a thick, long, white beard too.

Me: Good luck with that. You can't grow a full beard. There are just some parts that don't grow in very g------

Him: I don't care. I will Rogaine my face!

Now not to be out done by himself, there is always something else to come out of his mouth that has me laughing or shaking my head or both, way more than the previous thing. Just keep in mind that this was literally 10 minutes after he broke the news to me, that he had just gotten 30 minutes before. The news of the very quick approaching, completely unexpected, and impending D-Day. 

Me: I just wish you could get me pregnant before you left. It would be amazing.

(Not to mention a miracle worthy of the Bible)

Him: I could try!

ALWAYS the man.

Silencing the Clock

Monday, Monday! Its the dawn of another day which in turn is the start of another week. I'm very excited. Why? Only because one of my favorite people ever is our guest poster today! She is G.I. Joe's Wife and adorable. Her middle name is also my first name. Yeah, we are meant to be. Be sure to check her gorgeous self out and share the blog love!



"It’s every Milie’s worst enemy: the deployment clock. Your hubby gets news that he’s leaving and almost in that instant, the countdown begins, right? You start thinking things like, “We’ve got X number of days left,” or “only a week left,” or “how can I fit all this into a few days?”

Then, D-Day rolls around and the countdown to his return begins. Those first few days, you can almost hear the clock screaming at you. Or, I can at least. Telling me that he’s only been gone for a day, a week, a month and I still have a long way to go. Even my Donut of Misery tells me this! It’s cruel, really.

So, the question is: How do we make it stop?! How do we make that clock (or calendar) stop screaming at us?

I think that everyone is different, but one thing that seems to be suggested by everyone is to “stay busy.” My thoughts when I read or hear someone say this is, “Well, that’s helpful.” Stay busy. That’s kind of a broad statement, don’t you think?

My advice would be to do something that you love doing. Or even several things. For example, if you’re interested in sewing, go by a cheap sewing machine! Take classes, find patterns and things online and teach yourself. If you’re interested in photography, you can most definitely take classes. Or you can just get out there and take pictures of everything you love, and then come home and edit them on your computer.

For me, it’s been most important to get out of the house. I don’t have a job, we have no kids and our dog isn’t on the island yet. I’ve only met a few people here, so my contacts are limited. Luckily, I’ve been able to meet two great ladies through blog-land. Oh, I don’t know what I’d do without my BB’s!! I also started volunteering. It took me about a month after Joe left to feel like doing anything, but I finally pushed myself and got to work. I’m volunteering at the on-post museum. I have a history degree, and I’m so excited to finally be using it! Even if I’m not getting paid, at least I’m doing something.

I’m also getting out and meeting new people. This is a scary one for me. I’m a pretty introverted person, which is why I had to push myself to start volunteering. I’m totally fine staying in the house all day, and seeing very few people. But, with my husband gone... I start to go crazy after a couple days. Meeting new people is key. This week, I’m going to my first FRG potluck/meeting. I’m kind of nervous about it, but I’m also excited. I don’t know very many of the wives in Joe’s unit, and I desperately need to feel a connection with this post.

Finding a good church has also been an issue with me. We’d only been on the island for two months when Joe deployed, and one month of that was spend without a car or house. We spent the second month visiting churches, but nothing fit. Two weeks after he’d been gone, I found the church. I felt at home instantly. The message was exactly what I needed to hear and the worship was just phenomenal. I was home. I still need to get connected in church by joining a small group, but that will come soon. It’s only been a little over a month.

I silence that deployment clock by tricking it. =) I find things to pass the time, even when I’m at home all day. I’ve got hobbies: scrapbooking, wreath-making and I’m about to take up sewing. I want a good camera, but I’ve decided to wait a little while on that. I’ve got good friends that I can have fun with and go to church with. I’m volunteering - using my degree and meeting new people in the process. There are still hard days. Days when I long to see his face, feel his touch, hear his voice, see him walk in the door. But, I think I can say that I’m doing what I can to kick this deployment’s butt! =)

So, how do you silence that nagging deployment clock?"

Friday The 13th... AKA D Day

I used to love this day. I mean go all out, watch scary movies, rag on people who thought it was a bad luck day, and just have fun.

Today is Friday the 13th.
Today is also the day that we found out my loverface will be going to the big sandbox.

For all those a little lost, the big sandbox, also known as "over there" is in our case, hell Afghanistan.

It was a pretty heavy blow. And completely and utterly unexpected.
It wouldn't be so bad except he leaves soon.
I mean really REALLY REALLY soon.
So soon I can nearly count the days on my fingers and toes.

And he's going because someone else, was reckless, irresponsible, stupid, and screwed up Big Time. I'm pissed off at this someone. Really pissed off.

What I need from you Lovelies is this:  
                                                              ADVICE
                                                              ADVICE
                                                              ADVICE

I'm new to this.
We're new to this. 
And we don't have 6 months to figure it all out. We have days.
I need major advice on what we should make sure we have done, taken care of, lists of, what paperwork, just anything and everything you and you significant others can think of.

Yeah I want advice for Mr. Superman too.

Thank you for all the kind words of love and support thus far. They are incredibly appreciated. Keep them coming because this is just the beginning.

(Keep loving me even if I'm MIA until well after he leaves. I don't balance stress and everything else well.)